More signs you are drinking too much coffee:

• You grind coffee beans in your mouth
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
• You can jump-start your car without cables
• Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low"
• You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug
• You help the dog chase his tail
• You call your spouse your "coffee mate"
• You don't tan, you roast
• You've worn out your third pair of running shoes in a week
• You don't need a hammer to pound nails
• You ski uphill
• Your movements are not picked up by motion detectors
• You get drunk just so you can sober up
• You channel surf faster without the remote

You can't touch another's heart with anything less than your own.

If you start the day without caffeine;
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains;
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles;
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it;
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you any time;

If you can forgive a friend's lack of consideration;
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of your own, something goes wrong;
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment;
If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him;
If you can face the world without lies and deceit;
If you can conquer tension without medical help;
If you can relax without liquor;
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs;
If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed or colour, religion, or politics;

Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog!