Mom

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My Mom's Story

First a little bit about my mom. My mom is 55
years young. She's had a rough life. At the age
of 20 she lost a child to SIDS, shortly thereafter
her marriage ended. Her second husband beat the
daylights out of her and her third husband died of
a heart attack on a highway in California while they
were vacationing. Every time life seems good for Mom
the bottom falls out. There are three children. Me,
my sister, Denise and my brother, Carmen.

We are a very close family and have grown even
closer these last two months.

My mother is my rock. When life seems horrible,
she's there to make me see that it's really not that
bad. We've had many, many wonderful times
together. We've worked together, We've lived together (As
adults), We've partied together (lots of memories there) but,
most of all we've been best friends in addition to being
mother and daughter.
On August 3rd the bottom fell out of both our worlds.
My mom has been diagnosed with Liver and Spine
cancer.
It has taken me two months to be able to put this page
up. The main reason for it is so that her friends who
are not near us can come here and find out how Mom's
doing. I just can't keep typing the same thing and Mom
just isn't up to constant phone calls and visits.
Here is a short run down of what's happening. I
hope to have the strength to add to it on a regular
basis.
~Warning~ I doubt that I will be able to keep
my feelings off this page. Part of me needs
an outlet. This is my mommy! My best friend! My
EVERYTHING!

August 3rd~ My mom's family Dr. called her to tell her that
her liver is enlarged due to a tumor. At this point we were like,
Oh, ok. We walked into the Drs. office to learn more and I
was thrilled to see that the scan of mom's lungs was fine.
The Dr. wanted to do an exam on mom so, I was leaving the
room. He followed me where I asked "how serious is this?"
His reply floored me. "Very serious. There are other area's
of concern" His face said a thousand words. He proceeded
to tell me that he would be very surprised if it wasn't cancer.
When we went back into the room, after the exam he told mom
that she needed a liver biopsy. He really didn't say the big "C"
word to her. In the car, after the office visit, Mom says "OK,
I heard you two whispering out in the hallway. What's up?"
I had to tell her the truth. We've always been brutally honest
with each other and this was no time to protect her. I really
wasn't much support at this moment. I was hysterical and
Mom was trying to comfort me. She said she knew it was
bad by the way everyone looked and acted.
August 5th~The biopsy. Not a pleasant experience for mom.
You just know when you are there that it's not good. We informed
the Dr. that was to do the biopsy that "We need to know for sure
if it's cancer or not". He informed us that yes, there are cancer
cells. Mom is in alot of pain from biopsy.

From this point up to today, September 20th, I'm unsure of
dates but, can still give the run down on what's going on.
Mom has undergone many more cat scan's and mri's and tons of
blood work. She has a large tumor in her liver and a smaller
tumor there also. The cancer is also in her spine. One spot near
her tailbone and one spot up between her shoulder blades.
I found a wonderful Dr. on the web at the Central Florida Liver
Cancer Institute. Dr. Onik has an email address that I wrote to.
At this point I'm asking mom "Ok, how do you want to get to
Florida? Car or Airplane?" My emails were answered the same
day. I came to find out that Dr. Onik's wife was doing the
corresponding. He requested that I fax him my mother's reports,
and mail to him her scans and slides from the biopsy.
Upon receiving my fax he called me (within an hour). Basically
he informed me that there was nothing he could do for my
mother and that we should just keep her comfortable and not
let anyone use her as a guinea pig. I received this phone call
at work and ironically my mother walked into my office as I was
talking to him on the phone. This was my first indication that Mom
was terminally ill. I was hysterical. My mom informed me that
the area oncologist had already broke this news to her but, she
didn't want to tell us until the tests were complete and she knew
for sure. Her life expectancy is 4 months to a year.
Against my mom's wishes we begged her to go to Fox Chase Cancer
Center in Philadelphia. Fox Chase is a learning institute. The Dr.
there was prompt and efficient and suggested that mom have
radiation on her spine cancer because he's worried that it could
paralyze her prior to her dying. They also discussed injecting
a chemo gel into the liver tumor to cut the blood supply off to
it. We've also met with the area oncologist again and basically
we wanted to know...will she have more quality days with or
without chemo therapy. His answer..without. We support mom's
decision to not have the chemo. What's the sense?
Right now she has 4 more radiation sessions and then she's done.
The radiation makes her very tired and recently she's having a
problem swallowing but, that is something that we were
forewarned about. The Dr. assures her that the radiation will be
relieving the pain soon. Mom is taking morphine pills for the pain.
That in itself has been a struggle to get her to do. Psycologically
the thought of morphine meant the end to her. We have convinced
her that it's not the end yet and that there is no need for her to be
in pain. The spine is the pain maker not the liver.
Mom has good days when it's hard to believe that she's dying
and she has bad days that reality slaps us in the face. She says
"This is it. No more after this treatment" I see that when Mom is
having good days she is more optimistic. When she's having
bad days she wishes it was over.
~A plea to family and friends~
Please!!! Do not pop in on my mom unexpectedly. There
are days that she isn't well enough to see people.
Please!!! If you must call her do it in the morning. By afternoon
she is exhausted and needs to sleep.
Please!!! If mom invites you to come visit~be strong, be positive,
and be supportive. If you are going to get hysterical please don't
go to visit. This is hard enough on her and her family. She doesn't
need the additional burden of comforting her friends.
Please!!! If you go to visit DO NOT LET HER WAIT ON YOU! She
wants to be the perfect hostess but, she really isn't up to it. Keep
your visits brief.
~And last but not least~
Please!!! Do not ask her how she feels. Her answer is going to be
"How the heck do you think I feel?" A perfectly understandable
answer!

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