Bobbie:Oh Granny...*leaning over to kiss Granny's soft cheek* It is soooooo good to see you! I have been so busy at the Inn today...the cook had a tantrum over some squash he didn't think looked just right, the upstairs maid I found crying in a closet over a boyfriend, and one of the guests lost a diamond ring down the sink. Had to call bert ....you know, Bert the Plumber?....had to call him to undo the trap and find the lady's ring. My stars!.....Is that pecan pie? Oh, to hell with the waistline...you KNOW I cannot pass up your pie!!! Tell me....how have you been feeling, Granny? You look wonderful ....and after that nasty bout with the influenza....I was mighty worried for you, I don't mind telling you!!!!!!
Granny: Well, hon, I was feelin' a mite poorly for awhile..but ol Effie..you remember Effie, dontcha honey? Well, Effie had Elbert drive her over and they brought me some chicken soup. Elbert and Bert the plumber sure enough are right hard to tell apart.. bein' twins and all..Oh.here I go justa' ramblin on..and you with such a hard day. Come here and put your feet up, dearie.

Tell me about poor lil Etta May, the upstairs maid..or is it Bobbie Sue? I hear tell she has taken up with BOTH the Jackson brothers..nothin' good will come of it, I declare!

*pours a lil bourbon in your coffee* Just a touch o' my mama's recipe to calm your nerves, dearie! *chuckles*

Do I hear the doorbell? Well..look who's here, Bobbie! Aunt Effie!

*Aunt Effie strolls in*

Aunt Effie: Hey there Granny, thought I'd stop in and set a spell....these April Showers sure are helpin' the garden grow hey? Been working all day with the weedin' and the hoein'.
Pecan pie? Sure don't mind if I do. You know what they say, a moment on the lips, forever on the hips...Elbert sure loves a stout woman ya know, and I do my best to please him. Is this the recipe that you won first prize in the county fair with? Tell you a secret, ol' Shirley McAlester used store bought pecans in hers...do you believe it!!! STORE BOUGHT pecans!!!! I can tell you don't use store bought..not with those Ge org e ous trees out yonder.
Did I tell you, Elbert had been sufferin' with a cold? I had to make up a mustard plaster to put on his chest. Poor fella.. didn't change it for a week, made him sleep out on the barn until he would take a bath.
Then just last week he tried to put bay leaves under his arms as a deorderant, but it just made things worse,, he'd heard some advertizement on the radio about five day deorerant pads, thought he'd make up his own...again...didn't take them off for five days, slept in the bran that week too.
I declare Granny Belle, you can take the man out of the hills, but you cannot take the hills out of the man. I'm so glad I was able to adjust to movin here amoungst all these sophistacated Southern bells and not embarrass myself like that!
Well lady, best I be getting back, afore the skeeters start buzzing off the spanish moss and get caught up in my hair. Thanks for the hospertality, and the pie. If you hear any good gossip, be sure to give me a holler.
Granny: *claps hands together and laughs* Now Effie..you know you love that Elbert more than a pig loves mud! But I imagine it's a right good thing you have a barn! *all the women snicker* Take care, Effie..do come again! And you just wait til I see that Shirley McAlester..ya know her pecans ain't the only thing that's store bought! *Granny and Bobbie wave bye to Aunt Effie*
*Granny is just about to cut Bobbie another piece of pie when they hear a strange sound coming from the front porch* Granny: I swannee..Fuzzyducker..is that you, you old coot?

Grampa Fuzzyducker: Eh? I thought this was the "Never Say Die" Retirement home...I must be lost again...drat!

Granny: Poor ol man..get yourself in here right now. Is that your pajamas you're wearin'? *tsk tsk* Bobbie, get this ol coot my bathrobe..all I got..the pink one in the bathroom.

Grampa Fuzzyducker: "Well, well...Granny! Yep! You can take a girl out of the hills, but you can't take the hills out of the girl...you'll git slapped!"

Granny: Look, old man..you stay right over there on that side of the room. I won't tolerate you trying to sweet talk me..had your chance years ago, you old coot..Hey!! Where do ya think you're going??

*from the front porch* Granny? Granny Belle..ya in there? It's me, Seth! Granny: How's my handsome grandson? Do be a good boy and get Fuzzyducker into my pink bathrobe and call the home to come get him..*fans self with apron and plops down on the settee*