August 11, 1960       September 07, 2003

         Sweet Sister of Mine         

It hurts so much I can hardly breath

I look at you, but I cannot believe

Your gone sweet sister of mine

To never see your smiling face

Or  hear your sweet laughter

Sorrow  has taken its place

Will she go softly in the night I pray?

No this was not to be the way

Angels came down to where she lay

No silent whisper, no fevered prayer

No kiss on the check, no last goodbyes

You were alone my sister I was not there

Your body has failed you, and my spirit has mine

How could this have happened to you

Oh sweet sister of mine

Forgiveness will be hard, I've let you down I know

We were once children laughing and playing  together

There is  only sadness now where love did grow

You were younger than me and so this is not right

How can it be that the angels did come

To take you away in the middle of the night

To be forever young in our hearts and minds

What a strange place to leave you in time

Please forgive me oh sister of mine

I will honor you as only a sister may

And in the stillness of night I will pray

Oh sweet sister of mine

It wasn't supposed to happen like this

Without you my life will never be the same

I cry softly at night and whisper you name  

  September 07, 2003

Written for my sister Brenda, the day she died.  

Please do not copy.

Brenda was my younger sister. She was very beautiful. She had a heart of gold. When we were kids, Brenda was always the one who took care of all the babies at family gatherings. Brenda had a very hard life growing up.  Our mother was an alcoholic, and she was also very abusive to the kids.  Tania and Brenda always seemed to suffer the brunt of mom's abuse. Brenda's health was always trouble some even when she was a teenager.  In the past few years Brenda had been diagnosed with Multiples Sclerosis.  She had many complications from her MS. She had been wheelchair bound for a time, and lost her sight for awhile.  Her spirit never seemed to fail her though.  Brenda was a fighter, I guess this was simply one fight she was not up to. 

She died so suddenly that we are all in shock. I had just spoken to her the week before by telephone, and she was her usual talkative self.  At 5:15 on the morning of September 07, 2003,  I received a call from the hospital.  I didn't even know that Brenda was in the hospital.  They were trying to reach me, thinking that I was  friend of Brenda's. Apparently finding my name in her address book.  The nurse asked me if I was alone.  I told her I was, and asked her what was wrong with my sister. She wouldn't tell me, even though by then  in my heart I knew that she had passed away.  They put me on hold for the Doctor to come on the line and talk to me, and as the seconds passed, it seemed like hours.  How do you tell someone their sister has died?  The Doctor was kind and said they had tried in vain, her heart had stopped and they couldn't get it started again.  He said he didn't think she had felt any pain, but can he be sure?  The pain has lingered and now we all feel it. 

I had to tell my sister Tania, I simply couldn't tell her by phone so my daughter took me to tell her in person.  We had all scattered  after my mom died.  When I  left St. Louis, Missouri to live in North Carolina it became harder to keep up with where all my sisters where. Tania moved down here two years ago so that we could be closer together. I had to call my baby sister LaRay and tell her.  She and Brenda had been very close in their teens so it was a tremendous shock. to her. Tania contacted our brother Joey who has been in a hospital for many years due to Schizophrenia.  Brenda had recently reunited with her daughter LaKeesha LaRay , but I didn't know how to find her. Finally after a day and a half I found her through her Dad.  This young girl then had to see to it that her younger sister Stormy's adoptive family was told, the decision to tell Stormy of her birth moms passing will be up to them. Because she is so young I can understand if they chose not to tell her now, but I do hope that they tell her in the future.  Now with all my duties complete, what do I do now? 

Everyone says that it will get better. I guess they are right, and I know they mean well. Although it doesn't help me any in the lonely hours between darkness and dawn. How do I get past where I am right now?  How does life just simply pick up and start again?  How do I get past the what ifs and the if only.  I am frozen in place, and time seemly is stuck in this sad place.  I know I must move on a little each day, but right now for today I can't. Maybe tomorrow........Maybe tomorrow.

Brenda is survived by  her daughters LaKeesha LaRay, and Stormy, her brother Joey, and sisters Joann. Tania, and LaRay.

Because Brenda had Multiple Sclerosis I am including a few links with information on this disease.

MS Society

MSActiveSource

Multiple Sclerosis News

National Multiple Sclerosis 

Multiple Sclerosis Foundation

Multiple Sclerosis Association of America

Multiple Sclerosis International Federation

Multiple Sclerosis Online Information and Support