March

Howdy everbody,

Well, as ya'll remember in the last issue we talked about ol Cuz Tim Mack n me goin out fishin and I hooked that great big ol catfish that Cuz Tim Mack decided to wrastle! Well, now I is gonna tell ya bout the rest of that eventful weekend! See, Cuz Tim Mack didnt bring no extry clothes with him cuz first off he wasnt antisapaden... uh antizupaten... uh expectin to be wrastlin no catfish out in the lake. See, we usually dont wrastle catfish in this neck of the woods till a little later in the year... like summer. So, we decided we might as well call up Grandad and see if either Tim Mack or myself mighta left some clothes over to his house! And as Luck would have it.... NOPE we didnt!!!!! But, good luck was a shinin on ol Tim Mack cuz he did have a pair of coveralls that he would loan ol Tim Mack till we got his clothes warshed and dried and all!
Heres the problem. My Grandad is about 5'4" and skinny as a rail, while Tim Mack is 6'2" and built solid like a plow mule! Well, when we got back to the folk's house Tim Mack commenced to puttin on the coveralls. Now that alone was a site let me tell ya! Well, it took him awhile but he finally got them suckers on and zipped up, from the way they looked I figured we was gonna have to cut them off of him to get him out of em! Those thangs were tighter than a high school girls jeans! His poor ol shoulders were pulled down and back and the sleeves only came mid way down his arm! And to look at the pants legs u would think he was a spectin a flood of noah proportions! And the crotch of em.... well, lets say it had things compacted! In fact things was pulled so snug he coulda easily sang soprano in the Viennie Weinie boys choir!
Do ya'll remember that movie "BIG" staring Tom hanks? Where he makes a wish and wakes up grown up the next day? But, he is still wearin the kid pajamas he had on the night before! Well, that is how Tim Mack looked in these thangs!
Well, While his clothes was a dryin we decided we would all play a little cards. Sos, we os all a laughing and a jokin and a cuttin up about that ol catfish (mainly we was trying to distract ol Tim Mack cus he was a winin) Then when 'ol Tim Mack kept a winnin we had to resort to some desperate measures. So, we started talkin bout spiders! Course everbody in the whole tri-county area knows that Tim Mack and Spiders don't mix very well!
You know, I have personally seen 'ol Tim Mack grab a 6' Rattle Snake by the tail and crack it like a bull whip n pop it's head right clean off! I seen him wrastle Cattle (we used to have more fun doing that but, Uncle Elbert Cey would get so frustrated at us cuz we would wear out the cattle and they would go to loosin weight from all the wrastlin and all and then they didnt weigh as much when it came time to take em to market) and we used to wrastle the mule! And, you know whut, I even seen ol Tim Mack wrastle that alligator that got loose over in Ferguson's Pond that one time. Course Tim Mack wasnt trying to wrastle it, It just so happened we all seen it and Cuz Tim Mack didn't see it till it was too late! You know we still got boots made out of that critters hyde! And of course last week Tim Mack wrastled that ol Catfish! So, the point I is a makin is that Cuz Tim Mack aint no wimp! However, when it comes to spiders, even them little bitty teeeney weeney ones ... he gets as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockenchairs!
Well, Cuz Tim Mack was wise to whut we was up to so he just decided he was gonna ignore us. And just bout the time we had given up all hope of given him the heebie jeebies, his head snapped up like a huntin dawg durin Raccon season! His eyes got as big as 2 Sewer lids and then he commenced to whippin his eyes left and right and then he pulled his shoulders back and began a bobbin his head back and forth like a Mrs. Jansens Pet cokatel uh cockahtell uh fancy bird that she got! Well, me and the boys just stared at him having his syllagism! We had heard of these sort of thangs happening when people just kinda "SNAP"! Well, Bubba jumped up and started hollerin that he read in Bass Fisherman magazine that u gots to poke a stick in thar mouth to keep em from swallerin their tongue and all! I couldnt find a stick but I did find the turlot plunger, so we unscrewed the rubber cup off of the end and jobbed that in his mouth. well, that just seemed to get him even more riled up and he commenced to jumpin and a dancin around the place and run into the kitchen and started doing some kind of Apache rain dance or sumptin. Well, seein how we all knowd Cuz Tim Mack had more Cherokee in him than Apache we knowd that theory wouldnt hold water (no pun intended). Se we had bout decided that we had just pushed them spider stories too far and he really had cracked under the pressure and all!
Then all of a sudden he was a commencin to try and get them undersized overalls off of him. Well, it took what seemed like an eternity and a whole lot of wrigglin and jerkin and yankin for him to get one shoulder loose and then we seen what got him all a dancin and worked up and all. It seems this big ol juicy junebug had gotten onto his collar and worked its way down his back and started to wrigglin about! With All of Tim Macks dancin and carrien on and all that big ol Junebug flipped out and flopped to the floor.
Well, we tried to tell Cuz Tim Mack what happened but, he couldnt hear us with all the hollerin he was doin and the flailin of arms about the kitchen. Plus he was still spinnin in circles and dancin and a stompin about the Kitchen. What with all them stories we was a tellin him and all its no wonder that this happened. Well, Let me tell ya we started gettin tickled at this and soon we was a laughin so hard we was gettin dizzy ourselves! See he now has one arm out of them coveralls and he cant get the othern out cuz it was stuck like chuck and his imagination has got it all figured out that there is one BIG OL SPIDER roamin round in his britches trying to build a nest in his rump crack!
Now with all of his excitement and all he kinda forgot some of the basics... like lettin his subconscience control his bodily functions. Well, the first thing was his bladder kinda let loose and he peed all over himself! But, he didnt even notice cuz he was so busy dancin about. Ya know, it was kinda Ironic that ma had picked that mornin to wax the floors of the house (she has company comin on Tuesday, her cousin RayDean and her snooty family). Now, the floor is wet and he is a dancin and his boots are plum full when he hits one of them slicker spots and slips and falls. Now I have to stop right here and tell ya folks something. I aint never seen in my whole dern life a purtier dive in any swimmin hole than the one that ol Cuz Tim Mack did in Ma's Kitchen! It was quite a sight to see let me tell ya! It was kinda Triple Twisty Jack-Knife 1 1/2 flipnover with a Grand Finale Belly Flop at the end. People from miles around heard him "SPLAT" when he hit the ground.
You know, me an the boys down to the Peterson Pickle Barrel Pickle Factory have laughed and laughed on this for days now! Ca't wait for Cuz Tim Mack to recover enough to be able to laugh with us!
*EDITORS NOTE- Cuz Tim Mack is recoverin nicely and should be let outta the State hospital over in Silsby this next Week or so! You can e-mail him at mailto:CuzTimMack@AOL.com

When Beanie Babies Go Bad -Ok, Now pay attn!!! Cuz this could happen to any of your Beanies! I personnally saw CLUB the Baby Seal go into a downward spiral!
Jellophile - The Jellomaniac's Manual -This is for ALL you Jelloholics out there! I know of one so there must be more! Maybe y'all could have JA meetings.
TOTO -I dont think we is in Kansas in more!
The Pet Channel-Everything fer the pets and mother-in-laws!
Hickphonics -Teach u how to talk rite!
Pepsi World -Its a soft drink site!
Welcome to Coca-Cola -Lookie thar! Theres 2 of em!
Dr Pepper Chill Factory Flash -The heck you say! 3 of em! And who said we didnt have variety in Fuzzy Junction!
10 K 4 A WIFE! -Hell, For 10 k you can have mine! Both of em!
The Romance Reader -For all u womyn folk that like this kinda mushy stuff!
Achoo Healthcare Online - Home Page -A hankie is just a website away with this un!
"M&M's"(r) Chocolate Candy -I hear tell the blue one wuld make a mighty fine tattoo... Now where? hmmm.... How bout behind the left shoulder or on the right ankle?
Quotable Women -I was told not to be intimmydatud... uh in tummydated... uh scared of em!
responsibleOpposing.com -Whoa Gots some of them controversial issues here!
Clean Truth Or Dare -Hey Iris! Here ya go! Now u got a clean Truth or DARE!!! ROFL
A TOMBSTONE ONLINE TOUR -This here kinda looks like Fuzzy Junction! and that fellar over yonder looks like Jim Bob! Kinda
Official Site For Garfield And Friends -Theres that darn cat again!
Earthquake Hazards Page -Hey at least here in Fuzzy Junction all we gots is Tornados! not them earthquake thangies
Personals - One & Only - Home Page -Lookin fer a special friend? Well, if u aint havin no luck on ur own... Try this!
Dream Analysis and Interpretation - Understanding Dreams -This will tell u whut dreamin bout eatin fried squash in a bathtub full of Chocolate pudding while wearin a blue Tophat and purple bloomers with yellar lace and watchin a Emperor Penguin dance with a kangaroo on your toilet really means! Does anybody else have that dream or is it just me?
Hunt the Penguin! -Fer all u Penuin lovers out thar!
Valley of a Thousand Kangaroos -Fer the Kangaroo lovers out thar!
FREE MONEY @ FOUNDMONEY.COM -Free money! Now theres a concept! Sign me up!!!
How far is it? -I dont know! It just spittin distince I am shore!
Cultural Differences Explained -This outta help ya out when u gotta start workin with the martians that Cuz Tim Mack keeps a seein in his back yard!
July 1947: The Month It Rained Flying Saucers -Tim Mack's web page
UFOs Behind the Great Wall: A Report on Ufology in China -And yet another!
Lipstick of The Stars - I wanna know whut kind Daisy Duke wears?
Raising Your Dog with the Monks of New Skete -Hmmmm.... Thats different at least!
Pig Latin Email Converter-How to send them secret coded double ought spy type letters!
Honkworm -I aint sure whut it is but I shore dont want none of em! Cuz Ol Doc Spivey says it will take a enema to git rid of em!
Top 10 Stupidest Lists -Look out Dave
Virtual Vineyards -I didnt see Ripple or Nighttrain in thar
Jelly Belly Online -I thought this was about cousin erny but nope its candy
This Day in Rock & Roll History -Nuff said
The Alien Survey -The facts that Cuz Tim Mack dug up
Johnny Appleseed Trail -Just like the story an all kinda
Windmills and Sunsets -Purty neat site! Makes me homesick
Alaska Wildland Adventures - Nature Oriented trips plus lodges in Denali Nation -Wanna get away? well, thar ya go
Billy Joel Main - The Pi anny man
Fantasy Images -Not what I though but still kinda neat-o

~By the time I was your age I was 15!~
-movie director Michael Curtiz, scolding a child actor
~The Future isnt what it used to be!~
-Yogi Berra, baseball great
~I catnap now and then...but I think while I nap,
so it's not a waste of time.~
-Martha Stewart
~Britain was very different in my grandfather's day.
There were children walking around without proper feet!~
-3rd Earl Atlee
~The United States will collapse by 1980~
-Timothy Leary, in 1965
~It's like an alcatraz around my neck~
-Boston mayor Thomas Menino, on the shortage of
parking spaces
~Cold Weather Causes Temperatures To Drop~
-headline from Stillwater (okla.) News-Press
~It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.~
-former vice president Dan Quayle
~All along the untrodden paths of the future,
I can see the footprints of an unseen hand.~
-Sir Boyle Roche, 18th century member of parliament

Years ago, there was very wealthy man who, with his devoted young son, shared a passion for art collecting. Together they traveled around the world, adding only the finest art treasures to their collection. Priceless works by Picasso, Van Gogh, Monet and many others adorned the walls of the family estate. The widowed elder man looked on with satisfaction as his only child became an experienced art collector.
The Son's trained eye and sharp business mind caused his father to beam with pride as they dealt with art collectors round the world.
As winter approached, war engulfed the nation and the young man was called upon to serve his country. After only a few short weeks, his father received a telegram. His beloved son was missing in action. The art collector anxiously awaited more news, fearing he would never see his son again. Within days, his fears were confirmed. The young man had died while rushing a fellow soldier to a medic. Distraught and lonely, the old man faced the upcoming Christmas holidays with anguish and sadness. The joy of the season-a season that he and his son had looked forward to-would visit his house no longer. On Christmas morning, a knock on the door awakened the depressed old man. As he walked to the door, the masterpieces of art on the walls only reminded him that his son was not coming home. As he opened the door, he was greeted by a soldier with a large package in his hand. He introduced himself to the man by saying, "I was a friend of your son. I was the one he was rescuing when he died. May I come in for a few moments? I have something to show you."
As the two began to talk, the soldier told of how the man's son had told every one of his-not to mention his father's -- love of fine art.
"I'm an artist," said the soldier, "and I want to give you this."
As the old man unwrapped the package, the paper gave way to reveal a portrait of the man's son. Thought the world would never consider it the work of a genius, the painting featured the young man's face in striking detail.
Overcome with emotion, the man thanked the soldier, promising to hang the picture above the fireplace. A few hours later, after the soldier had departed, the old man set about his task. True to his word, the painting went above the fireplace, pushing aside thousands of dollars of paintings. And then the man sat in his chair and spent Christmas gazing at the gift he had been given. During the days and weeks that followed, the man realized that even though his son was no longer with him, the boy's life would live on because of those he had touched. He would soon learn that his son had rescued dozens of wounded soldiers before a bullet stilled his caring heart.
As the stories of his son's gallantry continued to reach him, fatherly pride and satisfaction began to ease the grief. The painting of his son soon became his most prized possession, far eclipsing any interest in the pieces for which museums around the world clamored. He told his neighbors it was the greatest gift he had ever received.
The following spring, the old man became ill and passed away. The art world was in anticipation. With the collector's passing, and his only son dead, those paintings would be sold at an auction. According to the will of the old man, all of the art works would be auctioned on Christmas Day, the day he had received his greatest gift. The day soon arrived and art collectors from around the world gathered to bid on some of the world's most spectacular paintings. Dreams would be fulfilled this day; greatness would be achieved as many would claim "I have the greatest collection."
The auction began with a painting that was not on any museums list. It was the paining of the man's son. The auctioneer asked for an opening bid. The room was silent.
"Who will open the bidding with $10?" he asked.
Minutes passed. No one spoke. From the back of the room came, "Who cares about that painting? It's just a picture of his son. Let's forget it and go on to the good stuff."
More voices echoed in agreement. "No, we have to sell this one-first," replied the auctioneer. "Now who will take the son?"
Finally, a friend of the old man spoke. "Will you take ten dollars for the painting? That's all I have. I knew the boy, so I'd like to have it".
"I have ten dollars. Will anyone go higher?" called the auctioneer. After more silence, the auctioneer said, "Going once, Going twice. Gone" the gavel fell.
Cheers filled the room and someone exclaimed, "Now we can get on with it and we can bid on these treasures!"
The auctioneer looked at the audience and announced the auction was over. Stunned disbelief quieted the room. Someone spoke up and asked, "What do you mean it's over? We didn't come here for a picture of some old guy's son. What about all of these paintings? There are millions of dollars of art here! "
The auctioneer replied, "It's very simple. According to the will of the father, whoever takes the son ... gets it all."
Puts things into perspective doesn't it? Just as those art collectors discovered on that Christmas Day the message is still the same -- the love of a Father - a Father whose greatest joy came from his son who went away and gave his life rescuing others. And because of that Father's love ... whoever takes the Son, gets it all...

..........................Click here.