Welcome to our webpage about the life and love of Justin Machado

Justin was only ten years old and will always be remembered as a happy, energetic little boy who had so much love to share with everyone he came in contact with.  Justin loved everyone and hated no one.  He was a normal 5th grader, who loved math, and a devoted spectator of soccer.

Justin left behind two loving sisters, Amanda and Alicia.  Just like any other child with siblings, they had their disagreements and quarrels, but that did not stop the loving hug and kiss good night.  Justin had two loving parents who would always find the time to make him happy.

Our son loved to spend the day at the beach in the summer with his sisters and his mother, playing on the swings or at the merry-go-round. Snowy winter days were filled with fun as well as his sisters, step-dad and I would go sledding for hours on end.

Justin shared many passions with his biological father.  He and his father were champion pigeon breeders. Justin loved helping his father prepare their pigeons for competitions and won numberous first place ribbons and trophies, which his father still keeps proudly displayed.  Justin's father continues the bird competitions in memory of his son. Whenever he wins a new ribbon or trophy he dedicates it to Justin. They also loved to go fishing together.  Justin usually spent weekends with his father, so when they weren't in a pigeon competition, I always knew I could find them fishing.

Justin had a very kind & generous heart.  He was always doing something for someone to brighten thier day.  He loved to draw pictures, use the word processor and send little notes to me just because. The very last little note I received from Justin was delivered one day after his tragic accident. It said on the back of the envelope "Please don’t open until Valentine’s Day".  I cherish this letter, more than anything else I own.

Oh how Justin loved school! He became a pen pal with his second grade teacher, Mrs. Rowe. It meant so much to Justin, whenever he received a letter from her.  I think I was the only mother to ever be called into school for a conference because her son was blowing kisses across the hall to another teacher.  I thought to myself how strange, most parents get called by the school for misbehavior, I get called in for Justin blowing kisses! :-)

We've all been blessed to have known Justin, for 10 years.  I wish that it could have been much longer. In those years he brought us so much joy and happiness.  It's a special time that I would never trade for a single second.  Justin taught me so much personally.  Lessons I will carry with me forever.  Things like, whatever we accumulate on this earth are totally unimportant,  they're just borrowed items.  What is important is to have love in your life. Show and tell your loved ones how important they are to you, because once lost, can never be brought back again.

Born with asthma, Justin couldn't really participate in sports the way he wished. I can only imagine what kind of fun he is having in heaven now.

I believe I will see Justin again someday. Until then, I must continue to have faith. I'm certain Justin will continue to let me know, in one way or another, he remains forever with me. If not in the physical sense then in the spiritual sense.

Justin had two cats, and a dog. One of the cat's names is Mr. Magoo, which he called "Goo Goo" and the other cat is named Sassy which he called "Sassa". Justin's dog "Miskeet" stays with his father.  Miskeet followed Justin whereever he went. Justin looked forward to weekends so he could see that dog.  Miskeet would sleep with him at night, and sit on his lap every moment she could.

January  21st, the day before Justin's tragic accident, I had a dream.  The dream began with all of us at the next door neighbor’s house.  We were all having fun, then suddenly things turned to a man laying in the middle of the road, he was older, with very short hair, like a crew cut. ( I believe the man was a spirit guide to prepare me for what was to come)

The man in my dream had on a white sheet up to his neck.  He said "I have to tell you something". Then he handed me 3 white tiny, shiny, tiles. These tiles had some sort of red markings on them.  He said "hold onto these tiles and to never let them go".  The only thing I can compare them too is Runes.  Then he said, "heaven is the most beautiful place that you could ever imagine".  He closed his eyes and turned his head looking back at me one last time and told me to never ever forget those words. "heaven is the most beautiful place". Then my phone rang and woke me up. It was my neighbor telling me that my Christmas tree was rolling down the street! I told my upstairs neighbor Paula about the dream, and she said "wow that gives me the chills".  We laughed about the bag the tree was wrapped in and if you only knew this neighborhood, then you would understand why we were laughing about the bag.  People here are funny sometimes. Little did I know the next day my entire world would fall apart.  I guess I was granted one last real good laugh before the many years of tears would fall.

I miss my "Little Boy Blue" so much. Our lives are no longer the same. There is no longer a twinkle in my eye, it's been replaced with an ache in my heart. It's been 12 months now, and the pain in my heart feels just as strong as the day that we lost him. The first 12 months, and all the holidays that passed have certainly been a rough hurdle to get over.

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It started like any normal day, I got my children up for school, we said our good byes for the day, and off they went, nothing unusual, nothing different.  I had a few errands to run, and made sure I had a sitter waiting here when the children got home from school.  All 3 arrived home and everyone was fine.  The day was still very normal.  Justin made himself a sandwich, and said he was going to watch TV.

Then our world fell apart.  Amanda went to check on Justin, then said to the babysitter "I think Justin is fooling around, you better check on him". The sitter went running to Justin's room and found him. I received a phone call from the sitter telling me to come home right away. Although He wouldn't tell me why.

I began to panic since no one would tell me what was wrong. The sitter urged me to hurry and get home.  As I came closer to our home, I called again from the cell phone. The sitter told me to quickly go to Hasbro's Children's Hospital.  Only God knows how I got there in one piece.

I can remember being in a fog, and praying all the way with my heart pounding out of my chest.  I picked up my mom on the way there.

Hoping that there was nothing seriously wrong, I thought at the time he had an Asthma attack. My God was I wrong.  I ran into the hospital, announced who I was, and then I was escorted into a little room. A woman with us said "a doctor will be right in".  I kept asking what was wrong and did not get any answers.  The Doctor came in, introduced himself, and said it didn't look like Justin was going to make it through the night.  I went in to total and immediate shock, I literally flipped out.  I insisted to see Justin, and they brought me to him.

Much to my disbelief, my son looked so helpless, and unresponsive except for one thing. As I touched his head, and told him I was there, tears began to stream down his face.  He never blinked or moved, but the tears flowed. I knew at that point, Justin knew his mom was there with him. A priest came in and asked me if I wanted to give him the last rights, in shock I answered "yes", and was then escorted to a room with a phone.

Justin was admitted to the P.I.C.U. where he stayed until he passed away, on January 29, 1998, just 2 days before his 11th birthday. I was with him, so was his Step Father, my sister, and his Aunt Mary.  His Father was unable to be in the same room at that time neither was my mother.  Justin passed away while my wedding video was playing. He had such a peaceful smile on his face. When he passed away I blew a kiss in the air and said to Justin see ya later sweetie.

I remained in shock for at least the first 4 months then went into deep depression.  Reality was beginning to set in that my Little Boy Blue was never coming back.  It's been a year now and I am still in a constant state of brain fog.  I function the best I can, a big piece of me is truly missing.

I miss my sweet happy boy, who always had a smile on his face. Justin was silly, and always made me laugh, everyone who came in contact with him loved him, he had the sweetest personality.

Although the priest felt I would not be able to handle it, I said the eulogy at Justin's funeral.  The entire time I felt so lifted by the Lord I could have done anything.  To this day I am happy that I didn't listen to that priest, and followed my inner voice. My advise to anyone who has lost someone in their life would be;

"It's fine to listen to the advice of others but don't ever let them sway you. Do what you feel in your heart is best for you and your family. People mean well, but unless they walk in our shoes, no one can experience what this feeling is all about."

Justin my beautiful son, I miss you as much today, as I did 1 year ago. I think about you everday. I know that someday we will be together again, and this time it will be for eternity. I love you so much, and I always will.

Somehow through all the emotional pain, I often feel Justin's presence ever so strongly.  I call these feelings After Death Communications.
The following stories are just a few I'd like to share with you:

February 17th, two weeks after Justin passed away, and also my 8th wedding anniversary, my daughter-in-law went into labor. The phone rang about 10:30am and she asked me if I could be her coach and help her deliver her baby. I already knew deep in my heart this little unborn child would be a boy.  I was very unsure if I was capable of doing this, but something inside me pushed me to do it.  I did, and I was with her every step of the way. At the very time Justin’s Step Father and I would have said "I do" at our wedding 8 years prior, A little boy named Benjamin Thomas Hunt came into this world. The Doctor allowed me cut his cord, and I made a wish.  My wish was that this little newborn baby would have a piece of Justin's spirit in him, and with that I felt this electrical current flow through me. It started at my feet ending at my head, tingles throughout my whole body.


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Mother's Day and my birthday are both on the same day. It was a Saturday afternoon, the day before what I felt as the worse day in my life.  I was very depressed and took a nap. I had the most wonderful dream of Justin. The colors in this dream were so vibrant and beautiful.  Justin was in the house that I raised him most of his life. I asked "What are you doing here?" he never said a word to me, he just smiled.  He was wearing blue shorts and a lighter blue shirt.  It was so real. When I woke up I felt as though he had just given me the best birthday present I had ever received. Somehow that Mother's Day and birthday was very special to me.


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My two daughters and I went to Old Orchard beach for a week.  Although hard to go, I pushed myself for the girl's sake. One morning I woke up, and was looking at Justin's picture that I brought with me, suddenly this little song bird landed on the balcony looking at me, and started to sing me a song. After singing, the bird jumped down and began looking at me through the sliding glass doors. Later that same day,  Alicia found the most perfect sand dollar, an unusual find to say the least. Alicia and Justin would hunt shells together. I said to Alicia "see Justin is still with you".  We also saw a spectacular rainbow later that evening.  Rainbows have always been very symbolic to us.


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An uncle, from Florida passed away, and I went with my mother to the funeral. On the plane while flying there I sat in the window seat. I was looking down and saw what can best be described as heaven.  Then between two giant clouds a space opened, and a gigantic colorful rainbow could be seen. I was in awe over the beauty.  I have never looked down on a rainbow before in my life. I knew that my little boy was sending me a very special gift.

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© 1998 Sunflower_3168@hotmail.com