On Religion...
        Independence, MO, is home to many members of the RLDS. A few years ago they built a beautiful new temple that spiraled up to the sky (something like a giant screw). Ben, then about 5, asked about it and them. I said that I had been told that the people who went to that church believed that Jesus would come back to that exact spot. Ben said, "I hope he doesn't land on his butt!" -Renée

On Education.....
        While giving my children a tour of the college campus I was planning to attend, my 8-year-old spotted the baseball diamonds and said, "Oh, good -- I was afraid you wouldn't have recess!" -Renée

On Surgery.....
        On September 20, 1997 at my 44th birthday restaurant dinner I mentioned that my mother had my twin and I when she was 45 years old. My husband, Mark, said, "Well those twins have been cut out," alluding to his vasectomy.
        Nine year old Marygrace Barron said to me in astonishment, "You mean you were Siamese twins?"
        I said, "No, Mark meant cuz of his vasectomy..."
        Marygrace said to Mark in astonishment, "You mean you were a Siamese twin!?!" -Cheryl Miller

On Religion.....
        Marygrace had been going to Catholic church with her oldest sister, Tara. Marygrace said, "You know, they talk about Adam and Eve, then they talk about dinosaurs...I think they made God up." -Cheryl Miller

On Flatulence.....
        When she was about two and a half, my daughter Claire passed gas. She looked at me in surprise and announced that her bottom had just burped! -Joanie

On God.....
        One morning I was making breakfast when my three year old son, Joseph, said, "Oh my god mom, I spilled my cereal." As I was cleaning it up, I explained that we don't use the word "god" unless we are praying or talking about our heavenly father. A few minutes later, Joseph said, "Oh my god our heavenly father mom, now I spilled my milk." -Joanie

On War.....
        After watching Braveheart, I was trying to impress upon my sons just how brave the people had been to fight for their freedom, even though they were outnumbered and did not have very good weapons.  My [then] eight-year-old said, "I would have gotten an 8K!"  I told him they didn't have 8k's back then, to which he replied, "I'd have waited!!" -Renee

On Christmas Shopping.....  
        While shopping for gifts, I asked my sons for ideas on what to get Aunt Jan. (Having just married my uncle, she is a new member of the family, and seems a bit odd -- a combination pagan/environmentalist that likes to knit.) My intuitive nine-year-old said, "Well, she's one of those people that doesn't believe in God, so we can't get her perfume." -Renee

On Recognition.....
        One afternoon we were driving in our car.  We drove past a cemetery and my daughter said, "Look at all those trophies out in that field, Mom!"  I just giggled and told her that is the final trophy of life. -Donna

On Geography.....
        My husband and I were talking to our four children about the different areas of Texas. My husband was telling them he was born and raised in South Texas. I was telling them about being raised in West Texas and how their papa and gran lived in East Texas. Our son, John, (then 9) asked, "I want to know where REAL Texas Is." -Julie Johnson

On Pregnancies.....
        When I was pregnant with my first child, I was minding my friend's two boys. They were intrigued about my very pregnant state. Adam (5) and always inquisitive, asked me, "But how does it breathe?"
        As I was thinking of an appropriate response, Simon (7) said in a most superior and knowledgeable voice, "It doesn't breathe, silly - it hasn't got a nose!" -Bronny K

On Bedtime.....
        Our 2 year old just loved Christmas this year.  Although she doesn't really understand the whole story yet, the decorations and packages really get her going.  My mother has a nativity made out of stuffed figures that Valerie loved to play with.  On Christmas eve I was watching her arrange the wisemen and Mary and Joseph and the animals.  She picked up the Christ child, wrapped him in a tiny blanket, laid him in the manger and said, "Baby Jesus go ni-ni." -Barry in Indiana

On Animals.....
        On a long road trip through the Midwest, we passed a field full of cows.  My 4 year old, Danielle, noticed that they had their heads down on the ground and didn't understand why. I explained that that was where the cows eat.  She wanted to know where they slept, and I told her that they either slept in a barn or in the field.  About 15 minutes later, we passed a field that was being irrigated for crops and an excited little voice hollered, "Mommy!  Look! That's where the cows take a shower!" -Michelle

On Strange Noises.....
        When my son Christopher was about 2 years old, he discovered his heartbeat... and was quite alarmed.  He came running to me, a look of sheer terror in his eyes, crying "Mommy, something inside of me is going BUMP BUMP!" He put his hand to his chest again to see if it was still happening... then "Make it STOP!!!" -Michelle

On Toenails.....
     After trimming my son's toenails one night, I asked him if his "pedicure" looked nice.  He looked at me puzzled and said, "Isn't that what puppies get?"  He was thinking of a PEDIGREE! -shelley

On Hygiene.....
      I was in the food store and my 3 year old daughter was putting her hands in her mouth after touching anything and everything.  I told her to take them out because they were dirty, and we had to go home and wash them with soap and water.  She pointed to her mouth and replied, "But Mommy, there's water in here!!" -Rpalk

On Color Perception.....
      Deanna's kindergarten teacher sent a note home to me. The note read "please work with Deanna on her A.B.C. song." I asked her to sing it to me. When she got to "l m n o p" she sang, "mellow-yellow-p." -TAMMY

On Gender.....
      My husband was serving grilled-cheese sandwiches to my daughter, Sarah (3 yrs.), and her baby brother Ian. "Here's your grilled-cheese," my husband announced to the baby.
      "No Daddy!" said Sarah, quite offended. "That's a boy-cheese," she insisted, pointing to Ian's sandwich. "Mine's a girl-cheese!" -tdwalker@visi.net

On Obligations.....
      When my daughter was 5, we were driving down the freeway in Los Angeles. Her father was in a foul mood and the traffic was HORRIBLE. She was yammering away, non-stop. Her father asked her if she could be quiet. She very innocently said, "No."
      We were so shocked we asked her, "NO?"
      Her reply was, "It is my responsibility to talk." -Daffymom 

On Religion.....
A conversation between my 4 year old daughter Sarah and myself:
Me: "Did you know people were mean to Jesus and nailed him to a cross?"
Sarah:  "Yes, I know all about that story."
Me: "Did you know they put him in a big cave when he died?"
Sarah:  "Yeah, and did you know he escaped out an open window?"
Me:  "Did you know he magically rose up in the air and went to heaven?"
Sarah:  "No he didn't. He pushed the up button."
Me:  "Like an elevator?"
Sarah:  "Yes.  He has a lot of buttons...a storm button, a dark button, a light button (that's when it's morning.)"
Me:  "Wow.  I didn't know that."
Sarah: "Oh and a van button."
Me:  "What's that?"
Sarah:  "It's for his car in case he needs to go to the store or something."
-n. baucom

On Wheels.....
       My 6 year old daughter, Sarah Joy, and I were watching the movie "Sleeping Beauty." When it came to the part where the king destroyed all of the Spinning Wheels in the land so that the princess would not prick her finger on one, Sarah said, "NO BIKES!"
       When I asked her what she meant, she said, "No spinning wheels, no more BIKES!" -Julie

On Quality Television Programming.....
      My 8 year old daughter, Kendra, and I were reading the TV guide together one night, and Kendra said to me,"WOW!!! Mom, that show must REALLY be good. It's on all the time."
      "What show is that?" I asked.
      She replied, "To be announced."  -Informative

On People Of Color.....
      We all know how American Indians are portrayed in movies attacking the whites. After watching a movie, my young sister told my mom she didn't like Indians.  My mom told her Indians are very nice, this is just a movie, and besides, she was part Indian.  After thinking a while she said, "Well I like the kind of Indians that stay home." -MichaelU

On Injuries.....
      When my youngest daughter was 3, we were visiting our landlord that lived behind us. He was playing around with her, and they were being a little rough. (She liked it that way.) She slipped and landed on her hiney.  Mr. John laughed at her and said, "Uh huh, you busted it now." 
      She was quick to reply, "No I didn't, I was born that way." -Locomom

On Inclement Weather...
      My daughter Sarah Joy was meeting her new grandparents in Gray Summit, MO, for the first time, and there was a MAJOR thunderstorm.  As we had never been to this part of the country before, (we are from Seattle, WA) the loud cracking of the thunder, and brightness of the lightning scared her.  One day, it was particularly bad and as we were in the car driving, her Grandma said to her that the thunder was "God bowling, and knocking down the pins!"
      I explained (as she is only 6 yrs. old) that the lightning is "God taking a picture and using a flashbulb...so SMILE!!!"
      Well, that seemed to get her through the end of the storm, but later in the evening, the storm again got loud, and we put her in front of a VCR watching a Disney movie so she couldn't hear the weather outside. As I went in to check on her, she said, "MOM, remember this afternoon when you said that God was taking pictures of me?"
      I replied , "Yes," and she said, "Well, I think he bought a new camera!!!" -Julie Sperry

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