Written By
Dorothy Law Nolte

If a child lives with criticism, they learn to condemn ...
If a child lives with hostility, they learn to fight ...
If a child lives with pity, they learn how to feel sorry for themselves ...
If a child lives with ridicule, they learn to be shy ...
If a child lives with jealousy, they learn what envy is ...
If a child lives with shame, they learn to feel guilty ...
If a child lives with encouragement, they learn to be confident...
If a child lives with tolerance, they learn to be patient ...
If a child lives with praise, they learn to be appreciative ...
If a child lives with acceptance, they learn to love ...
If a child lives with approval, they learn to like themselves ...
If a child lives with recognition, they learn it is good to have goals ...
If a child lives with sharing, they learn about generosity ...
If a child lives with honesty and fairness, they learn what truth and justice are ...
If a child lives with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them ...
If a child lives with friendliness, they learn that the world is a nice place to live ...
If you live with serenity, your child will live with peace of mind ...

The following information is provided by the ABA I wish to express a special thank you for the work they are doing in this field.

HOT LINE 1-800-787-3224

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON THE DAMAGE OF ABUSE TO CHILDREN PLEASE VISIT ZERO TO THREE www.zerotothree.org

Signs of Domestic Violence

"In recent years, the frequency and severity of domestic violence has received increased public atention. The focus of the media and community prevention efforts is often on the perpetrators of domestic violence, or on the primary victim who has sustained severe injury, or in the worst cases, has been killed. Almost forgotten are the children of these relationships: the silent victims of this violence who often fade into the background as if they were mere furniture in the home, or bystanders who happened to be there."

"Shelters for battered women and researchers across North America have tried to change these children's status from "FORGOTTEN" TO "HIGH-RISK CHILDREN IN NEED OF PROTECTION AND SPECIALIZED SUPPORT SERVICES. THE SCARE ARE NOT ALWAYS VISIBLE, BUT THE SHORT-TERM AND POTENTIAL LONGp-TERM ADJUSTMENT PROBLEMS HAVE BEEN INCREASINGLY DOCUMENTED:

(1) Nationally, 75% of victims say that their children are also battered.

(2) Children who live in the contest of domestic violence are at heightened risk for child abuse. At least half of all abusers also batter their children.

(3) 81% of batterers were reared in homes where they observed violence between parents.

(4) Battering usually predates the infliction of child abuse.

(5) The more severe the abuse of the victim, the worse the child abuse."

This presentation will address recent empirical research on the physical and psychologiacal effects of domestic violence on children.

HOT LINE 1-800-787-3224
Signs of Domestic Violence

A. GENERAL:

" CHILDREN OF HOMES WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ARE FAR MORE LIKELY TO EXPERIENCE PHYSICAL HARM FROM BOTH PARENTS. Children are sometimes physically injured when they are in the pathway of a violent attack aimed at their abused parent. Many children are injured when they come to their abused parent's rescue. Fifty percent of the batterers are violent to their partner, even during pregnancy."

B. IMPACT ON VARIOUS AGE GROUPS:

(1) Birth to Age 3

The youngest children sustain the most serious injuries, such as concussions and broken bones. Signigicant brain development occurs from bith to three years of age. The brain develops and organizes as a reflection of developmental experience. The majority of individual cell specialization has not taken place at the time of birth, but is carried out over the first three years of life. During this period the brain develops neurons, divides, and differentiates in response to chemical micro-environmental cues.

There is also a time when the stress response apparatus in the brain is developed and during this time the individual is most vulnerable to traumatic stressors. If a child's brain develops in a world of chaos and unpredictability, neur-development will be affected. Trauma-induced stress has negative consequences on the developing brain in variety of ways.

A child raised in an unpredictabe, chaotic, violent environment, particularly in the early years of life, will have adapted to this by developing a hyper-vigilant, hyper-reactive arousal system. There will be potential problems with attachment and a tendency to become adaptive or to over-interpret nonverbal cues. These little ones often have developmental delays and are "failure to thrive" babies.

HOT LINE 1-800-787-3224

Signs of Domestic Violence

(2) PRESCHOOL AGES 3-6

Children in this age range who live in homes with domestic violence have low frustration tolerance. Their world is so chaotic they cannot handle ordinary stress. They also have not seen appropriate ways of handling stress. The model the aggressive behaviors they have seen in their homes.

These children have greater and greater developmental delays - especially in the area of language development.

(3) THE SCHOOL AGE CHILD (7-11)

This age child models the violent behavior witnessed in the home. This causes severe behavioral difficulties at school. Because this age child has not seen appropriate interpersonal relationships he/she has not learned appropriate ways to interact with others. Typically, studies demonstrate demonstrate that girls begin to take on the role of "victim" and boys become aggressive or abusive. These children suffer from chronically low self-esteem.

(4)HOT LINE 1-800-787-3224

THE TEENAGE YEARS (12-17) The teenage carries the role of aggressor or victim into his/her own interpersonal relationships outside the family. Realizing that no one is going to take care of their needs except themselves, many times they use the only tools they have learned, which are violent and self-destructive. They have an inability to cope with any frustration, exploding in violence toward anyone who crosses their path. They have poor school adjustment.

By the time the child has been in a violent home this many years, they are so depressed they will seek to end the pain by escaping through use of alcohol and drug experimentation or, to often, suicide. Frequently, girls find acceptance by becoming sexually promiscuous and having out-of-wedlock children.

Often the teenagers expand their violence to gangs-- seeking acceptance by a surrogate family."

Signs of Domestic Violence

C. WORKING WITH CHILDREN WHO HAVE WITNESSED ABUSE:

(1)HOT LINE 1-800-787-3224 RECOGNIZE AND DEAL WITH THE CHILDREN'S FEARS of being in a home where violence May erupt. Such children feel vulnerable, although this may be hidden by a tough facade.

(2) Many of these children have learned from their parent that violence is a way to solve problems - brute aggression. These children have no skills of talking about their feelings, so they act them out aggressively. Model and encourage these childrne to talk about their feelings.

(3) Some children react to violence in the home by withdrawing.

(4) Many children have a low tolerance for frustration. They are easily upset and thrown off balance.

(5) A common dilemma for children is to be in the middle of the struggle between the aprents.

(6) Victims of abuse, under severe stress, do not have the energy to nurture their children, so the children tend to be deprived and neglected. They do not receive the attention they need at this time in their lives.

HOT LINE 1-800-787-3224

Identifying the warning signs is the first step in breaking the cycle of violence.