Kids Sayings
One day a mom was exasperated with her young son's antics.
She, snapped at him saying: "How do you ever expect to get
into heaven?" "Well," fidgeted the little boy after some
thought. "I'll run in and out, and keep slamming the door
till they say 'Come in or stay out!' and then I'll go in."
A three yr old
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter
of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his
mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."
"How did you know that?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked
them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's
printed on the bottom.
When Brandy was in kindergarten her class went on a field
trip to an orchard where they also had pumpkins on display.
So one day as we were driving down the road we had passed a
pumpkin patch and there were ALOT of pumpkins out and she
turned to me and (as serious as could be) "Mommy who put
all those pumpkins on the ground". I thought it was so
cute. She's now 18 and married and we still laugh about
that everytime we pass a pumpkin patch one of us will say "
Who put all those pumpkins on the
ground".Thanks Sam!
Little Johnny
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying
attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny!
What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied,
"NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!"
Pancake Breakfast
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5,
Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the
first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral
lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my
brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be
Jesus!
A Boy & His Grandma
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning
and brought
a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He
anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the
coffee. The
had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and
as
she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those
little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys
be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You
know grandma, it's like
TV. The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.
It's the kids guide to romance.......
===============================================
How Does a Person Decide Who to Marry?
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and
tails means you try the next one." Kally, age 9
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if
you like sports, she should like it that you like sports,
and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Allan, age
10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're
going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you got
to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10
Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married "Twenty-three is
the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then!"
Cam, age 10
"No age is good to get married at.... You got to be a fool
to get
married!" Freddie, age 6
How Can a Stranger Tell if Two People are Married? "Married
people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie,
age 6
"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be
yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8
What Do You Think Your Mom and Dad Have in Common? "Both
don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8
What Do Most People Do on a Date?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to
get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if
you listen long enough." Lynnette, age 8
What the Children Would Do on a First Date That Was Turning
Sour "I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call
all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all
the dead columns." Craig, age 9
When is It Okay to Kiss Someone?
"When they're rich!" Pam, age 7
"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want
to mess with that." Curt, age 7
"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you
should marry them and have kids with them.... It's the
right thing to do." Howard, age 8
The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married? "I
don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing ...
I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to
be all grossed out!" Theodore, age 8
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys
need somebody to clean up after them!" Anita, age 9
"Single is better ... for the simple reason that I wouldn't
want to change no diapers... Of course, if I did get
married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother
and have her come over for some coffee and
diaper-changing." Kirsten, age 10
What Advice Do You Have for a Young Couple About to Be
Married? "The first thing I'd say to them is: 'Listen up,
youngins ... I got something to say to you.Why in the heck
do you wanna get married, anyway?'" Craig, age 9
What Promises Do a Man and a Woman Make When They Get
Married? "A man and a woman promise to go through sickness
and illness and diseases together." Marlon, age 10
How to Make a Marriage Work
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks
like a truck!" Ricky, age 7
"If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot
of sexy clothes.... Especially underwear that is red and
maybe has a few diamonds on it." Lori, age 8
Getting Married for a Second Time
"Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than
one to find a live one." Angie L., age 10
How Would the World Be Different if People Didn't Get
Married? "There sure would be a lot of kids to explain,
wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8
"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing
after us just the same as they do now!" Roberta, age 7
Dear Paster
Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my
sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.
Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson
has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson.
Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix
Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he
gives us a sermon about something. Robert Anderson, age 11
Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the
plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my
allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my
allowance? Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven
Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play
bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours
truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany
Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I
know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago
Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your
church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma
Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good
health is more important than money but I still want a
raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota
Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am
flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York
City
Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than
sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens
Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League
team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you.
Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh
Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten
Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have
enough rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South
Pasadena
Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God?
Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville
Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there
may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina
Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when
it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron
Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad
people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the
newspapers? Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston
Retirement from a Child's Point of View
After a Christmas break, a teacher asked her young pupils
how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote:
"We always used to spend Christmas with Grandma and
Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick home, but
Grandpa got retarded and they moved
to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other
retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They
ride on big three wheeled tricycles and they all wear name
tags because they don't know who
they are. They go to a big building called a wrecked hall,
but if it was
wrecked, they got it fixed because it's alright now. They
play games and
do exercises there but they don't do them very good.
There is a swimming pool there. They go into it and just
stand there with their hats on. I guess they don't know how
to swim.
As you go into their park, there is a doll house with a
little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't
get out without him seeing them. When they sneak out they
go to the beach and pick up shells
that they think are dollars.
My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she
forgot how. Nobody cooks, they just eat out. They eat the
same thing every night, "Early Birds." Some of the people
are so retarded that they don't know how to cook at all, so
my Grandma and Grandpa bring food into the wrecked
hall and they call it "Pot Luck."
My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life and earned his
retardment. I
wish they would move back up here, but I guess the little
man in the doll
house won't let them out.
Dear God
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