What is Codependency?

CONTROL PATTERNS

I must be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
I value others approval of my thinking , feelings, and behaviors over my own.
I agree with others so they will like me.
I focus my attention on protecting others.
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I keep score of "good deeds and favors," becoming very hurt when they are not repaid.
I am very skilled at guessing how other people are feeling.
I can anticipate other's needs and desires, meeting them before they are asked to be met.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I am calm and efficient in other people's crisis situations.
I feel good about myself only when I am helping others.
I freely offer others advice and directions with out being asked.
I put aside my own interests and concerns in order to do what others want.
I ask for help and nurturing only when I am ill, and then reluctantly.
I cannot tolerate seeing others in pain.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I sue sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I attempt to convince others of how they "truly" think and "should" feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.

COMPLIANCE PATTERNS

I assume responsibility for others feelings and behaviors.
I feel guilty about others feelings and behaviors.
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I have difficulty expressing feelings.
I am afraid of my anger, yet sometimes erupt in a rage.
I worry how others may respond to my feelings, opinions, and behavior.
I have difficulty making decisions.
I am afraid of being hurt and/or rejected by others.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am afraid to express differing opinions or feelings.
I value other's opinions and feelings more than my own.
I put other people's needs and desires before mine.
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise, or gifts.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough".
I am perfectionistic.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable and worthwhile person.
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others anger.

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