Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet 
flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick 
behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute 
roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put 
on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could 
wake a child at night).

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you 
shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat 
or damage.

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that 
all arms stay inside.

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling 
with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal 
(such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be 
an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak 
it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 
PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your 
bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and 
sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. 
Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it 
there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help 
himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange 
for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go 
home and read it quietly for the last time.

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can 
improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table 
manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they 
should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last
     

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