This page is dedicated to all those who
have ever lost a child.
Whether unborn, just born or years old
Losing a child I think is the hardest thing
I'll have ever faced.
My son Michael Andrew was born
to me on July 15,1992.
I was 17yrs. old.
Michael was born weighing 6lbs. 13oz. and 19in. long.
He was a beautiful baby.
Michael was born with an infection, he was very sick.
He spent his first week of life in
an incubator in the hospital.
I was unable to hold him his entire first week of life,
but I was there everyday to sit near him
and tell him how him much I loved him.
Michael's second week of life was spent at home.
This is the week I look back on for memories.
Michael's third week of life was spent in another hospital.
Instead of the infection clearing up, it got worse.
August 4, was the worst day of my life.
The doctors forced me to make the
hardest decision in my life.
The medicine they were giving Michael was no
longer working, and his kidneys and liver were failing.
They wanted permission stop the medicine,
and shut off the machines that were now Michael's lifeline.
I knew I had to let Michael go.
We called family and friends to join us
saying goodbye to Michael.
While waiting for everyone to arrive
a nurse and I gave Michael his last sponge bath,
and I cut a lock of his hair.
As everyone began arriving,
the heart monitor began slowing,
I knew Michael would soon be gone.
The nurse brought me in a rocking chair
to hold and rock him.
I held him tight, sang to him, and told him I loved him.
I told him it was okay to go.
Finally the heart monitor stopped.
My beautiful Michael was gone.
The days after are hard to remember, I was so numb.
It was hard to function, just to get out of bed.
Michael was cremated and buried
in an arboretum in our town.
We had a memorial service at our church.
It was beautiful.
The pastor reminded us that Michael
was back in Heaven,with his True Father and Creator.
A woman wrote and sang a song about
God's Nursery In Heaven.
But through all this I became mad. How could God give
me a son, than take him back after 3 short weeks.
I didn't have enough time to know him.
It wasn't fair! I felt like God had abandoned me.
A week after Michael's service
his bedroom was still closed up.
The crib he only used for a week,
all the clothes he'd never wear were too painful to look at.
My mom came over and forced me to pack it all up
I didn't know why she seemed so gruff.
Didn't she understand how bad I was hurting?
Together we packed everything.
I cried, she didn't. I asked her don't you grieve?
She said yes, just not in front of you,
I need to be strong for you.
I told her I needed her to grieve with me,
and together we cried.
Almost 6 years have passed
and I thought this would be a chapter
in my life I could close,
but now I know I never will.
I still think about Michael, wonder what he would
look like and what kind of a kid would he be.
I have a box I call Michael's Memory Box.
In it I have all the cards received from
his birth and death, his baby book
with all the empty pages for birthdays and holidays,
instead I wrote a detailed account of
Michael's precious life.
I am no longer mad at God.
I now realize he didn't abandon me.
It's like my favorite poem, "Footprints
In The Sand",
during life He walked beside me, but in the hardest time
He carried me.
I thank God for the time he did give me with Michael.
Michael was my angel sent for a reason.
He taught me to appreciate everything in life
because tomorrow it might be gone.
After an autopsy we found out Michael died from
Making this page has been very therapuetic.
the Coxsackie virus,
also known as hand, foot and mouth virus.
You can read about the virus here.
If you have ever lost a child, sharing the story helps.
I have a compassionate listening ear for anyone wanting
to share their story.
