How can you say that? Who takes
care of everyone in this household? Who makes sure that Daddy eats right?
To tell you the truth, I have not seen such good-doing sice your mother.
SCENE XXXV - CHER'S HOUSE
CHER V.O.
But now I don't know how to act around him. I mean, ordinarily I would strut around in my cutest little outfits and send myself flowers and candy, but I couldn't do that stuff with Josh.
(Cher and Josh are in the lounge watching T.V.)
JOSH
What's with you?
CHER
What do you mean?
JOSH
You're so quiet. You haven't made me watch the real world?
CHER
I care about the news.
JOSH
Since when?
CHER
Since now.
(T.V. shows scenes from Bosnia)
JOSH
You look confused.
CHER
Well, uh, I thought they declared peace in the Middle East.
(Scene changes to Mel's Den with Cher walking past the door in her pyjamas)
MEL
Cher, get in here!
CHER
What's up Daddy?
MEL
What are you doing, dancing infront of my office?
CHER
Nothing, I just wanted to see if you needed any help with anything.
MEL
Yeah, you caould help me with something. Come over here. Every time that you see a telephone conversation that took place on September third, highlight it. just September third.
CHER
OK.
MEL
Fun, huh?
CHER (laughing)
Yeah. Daddy, did you ever have a problem that you couldn't argue your way out of?
MEL
Tell me the problem, and we'll figure out how to argue it.
CHER
I like this boy.
MEL
Yes?
CHER
And he likes someone else.
MEL
How could that be?
CHER
I don't know, but I feel wretched.
MEL
Well, obviously this boy is a complete moron. You are the most beautiful girl in Beverly Hills. And to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I want you with a stupid fella like that.
CHER
Well, actually he is a smart guy and, you know he's one of those do-gooder types, and now I feel like all my after-school commitments are just not good enough.
MEL
How can you say that? Who takes care of everyone in this household? Who makes sure that Daddy eats right? To tell you the truth, I have not seen such good-doing sice your mother.
CHER
Really?
MEL
Really. Now get back to work.
SCENE XXXVI - PISMO BEACH DISASTER
CHER V.O.
Later, while we were learning about the Pismo Beach diaster, I decided I needed a complete make-over, except this time I'd make-over my soul. But what makes someone a better person? And then I realised, all my friends were really good in different ways. Like, Christian, he always wants things to be beautiful and interesting. Or Dionne and Murray, when they think no one is watching, are so considerate of each other. And poor Miss Giest, always trying to get us involved, no matter how much we resist?
MISS GIEST
Oh, it's just, that doesn't even show... you know, every single possesion, every memory, everything you had your whole life... gone in a second. Can you imagine what that must feel like?
(Elton raises his hand)
Elton?
ELTON
Can I use the Pass?
MISS GIEST
Yeah. We'll be collecting blankets, disposable diapers, canned goods...
(Cher raises her hand)
CHER
Miss Giest?
MISS GIEST
Cher?
CHER
I wanna help.
MISS GIEST
That would be wonderful.
CHER V.O.
I felt better already.
(Back at Cher's house)
CHER
Daddy?
MEL
What?
CHER
You didn't like that red caviar, did you?
MEL
What's she talking about?
(Cher starts dragging a heap of stuff to the front door)
MEL
Cher, what are you doing?
CHER
I'm captain of the Pismo Beach disaster relief.
MEL
I don't think they need your skis.
CHER
Daddy, some people lost all their belongings, don't you think that includes athletic equipment?
MEL
This is your influence, Josh?
(Scene changes to sign-on stall at school)
"Shake Some Action" Cracker
CHER
Hey, c'mere. Sign up, it's going to be really fun.
(Scene cahnges to indoors)
No, you know what? Can you please take it to bedding? Yes, thank you very much.
Oh, Miss Giest, Miss Giest.
MISS GIEST
Yes, dear?
CHER
I need more boxes, they're all filled up.
MISS GIEST
Already? Great!
CHER
I divided them into entres and apetisers.
MISS GIEST
Oh, OK, I'll have them picked up.
TRAVIS
Hey.
CHER
Proper. This is really decent of you Travis.
TRAVIS
Sure.
(Cher picks up a Bong from Travis' box.)
I wasn't sure about that. I don't need it anymore, but far be it from me to deny anyone else, you know? Oh, I wanted to tell you something, I'm sorry about your shoes.
CHER
What shoes?
TRAVIS
The red ones with the strappy things?
CHER
Oh, those are so last season. What even made you think of them?
TRAVIS
Well, it's one of my steps, you see? I joined this club, and there are these steps...
CHER
Twelve?
TRAVIS
Yeah, twelve! How'd you know?
CHER
Wild guess.
TRAVIS
Wow, good guess. Ah, also, here.
(Travis hands Cher a flyer)
CHER (reading)
A.S.L. ?
TRAVIS
Ameteur Skateboarding League. This clarity thing has brought me to, like a whole new level with my skating. You gotta see it. Would you come Saturday?
CHER
Sure.
TRAVIS
Cool!
CHER (holding up bong)
Well, um, I guess, kitchenware?
TRAVIS
That's where I used to keep it.
SCENE XXXVII - A.S.L. COMPETITION
"Mullet Head" Beastie Boys
(Tai approached Cher at the drinks stand)
TAI
Hi?
CHER
Hi.
TAI
Cher, can I talk to you a minute?
CHER
Um, sure.
TAI
Look, I have been in agony the past week and I can't even believe that I went off the way I did.
CHER
No, I have been going down a shame spiral. I cannot even believe I was so unsupportive of your feelings for Josh.
TAI
No, you are entitled to your own opinion, alright? I'm the tart here. Cher, you've been nothing but super-duper nice to me.
CHER
Not even. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have even liked that loser, Elton. I'm so sorry, Tai.
TAI
Cher, I'm really sorry. Oh, shit. Now I'm going to go ahead and cry.
CHER
Let's never fight again, OK?
(Cher and Tai hug. Travis is announced on the P.A.)
PA
Next up, number fourteen, Travis Berkenstock.
(The girls sit down, excitedly giggling and pointing to Travis.)
TAI
Alright Travis!
CHER
I had no idea he was so motivated.
TAI
Oh, I did.
CHER V.O.
When I saw the sparks between Tai and Travis, I knew Josh was out of the picture.
SCENE XXXVIII - CHER'S HOUSE
JOSH
You look like Pippi Longstocking.
CHER
Well, you look like Forrest Gump. Who's Pippi Longstocking?
JOSH
Someone Mel Gibson never played.
CHER
Funny.
(Cher lets her hair down, and Josh is dumbfounded by her beauty)
LAWYER
What happened to the August 28th files?
JOSH
Hmm, what?
LAWYER
Mel wanted them tonight, there were twice as many. He's gonna go ballistic, where are they?
CHER
I think I checked them for the September third conversation.
LAWYER
What?
JOSH
Where'd you put them?
CHER
I divided them into two piles. Is that wrong?
LAWYER
Oh, my God. I have to redo all that. What are you, some kind of idiot?
JOSH
Hey, she didn't know.
LAWYER
She just set us back a day. Who cares about the September call? Now we're screwed!
CHER
I'm sorry.
LAWYER
Just forget it, OK? Just go back to the mall or something.
(Cher runs out of the room)
JOSH
What's your problem, man? She didn't mean any harm.
LAWYER
I'm gonna get killed because she's a moron.
JOSH
She's not a moron. You know, if you were paying attention to your assignment, it wouldn't have happened.
LAWYER
Well, if you hadn't been playing footsy with the dumb kid, she wouldn't be bothering me.
JOSH
What the hell are you talking about?!
LAWYER
You know exactly what I'm talking about. Josh, this is a multi-million dollar law suit, not some excuse for puppy-love.
JOSH
Look, we've been working our butts off on this case!
LAWYER
Well, tell you what? You do whatever you want with your butts, I'm calling in sick.
(Lawyer leaves while Josh slams the door behind him. Cher is sitting at the top of the stairs)
CHER
Did I really ruin Daddy's law suit?
JOSH
No.
(Josh moves up to sit beside Cher)
Of course not.
CHER
Well, did I set him back? I mean, there's so much work to be done, and he can't afford to lose that time.
JOSH
Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it. Your father won't lose any time. Can you imagine the nerve of that guy? I mean, making you worry like that, and yet, he's the one that screwed up and then he goes and blames us. Imagine saying we were... you know?
CHER
That's right, you've been very dedicated to this case.
JOSH
Yeah, well, it's a good learning experience, at least for me, I want to be a lawyer. But you, I mean, you don't need to be doing this. Go out and have fun, go shopping.
CHER
You think that's all I do, I'm just a ditz with a credit card?
JOSH
No, no, ah, that's not what I meant.
(Josh just stutters a bit, looking for the right words)
You're young and beautiful...and...
CHER
And?
JOSH
And, well, uh, what?
CHER
You think I'm beautiful?
(YES, YES!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YES!!!!)
JOSH
You know your gorgeous, alright? And popular, and, um, and... but this is not why I, you know, I come here. This is a good learning experience for me.
CHER
You already said that.
JOSH
Mel, I wanna help out Mel. He's the only one who cares about me.
CHER
That's not true.
JOSH
He's not? Are you saying you care about me?
CHER
Josh.
(Cher goes to hit his shoulder, but he catches her with a kiss. Good move!)
(Both like it. So they try again.)
CHER V.O.
Well, you can guess what happened next.
SCENE XXXIX - THE WEDDING
CHER V.O.
As if! I am only sixteen, and this is California, not Kentucky.
(Mr. Hall and Miss Giest get married)
TAI
I know, that when I have my own wedding, I want this, like whole entire floral motif, very floral garlens... floral dresses.
DIONNE
No, no, no, no. When I get married, I'm gonna have a sailor dress, but it's going to be a gown, and all my bridesmaids are gonna wear sailor hats... with vails.
TAI
That sounds so cool.
MURRAY
Oh, my God. They're planning our weddings already. Could you all stop all that to death do us part mumbo-jumbo. I'm telling ya, man, I'm completely buggin'.
JOSH
I'm buggin' myself.
(Miss Stoeger runs on the scene)
MISS STOEGER
Girls! She's about to throw the bouquet, c'mon!
(Miss Stoeger, Dionne and Tai run off)
JOSH (to Cher)
Look, we got a pool going to see who's girl gets the bouquet. It's up to two hundred dollars.
CHER
It's in the bag.
"Tenderness" General Public
(All the girls are jumping around waiting for the bouquet. Miss Giest/Mrs. Hall throws it amongst them. The bouquet exchanges hands and they all fall down. Classic scene! Cher ends up with it.)
(Cher and Josh kiss. It's the one scene that I'll never get out of mind for the rest of my life. Simply awesome lip-lock!)
END CREDITS
"Need You Around" Smoking Popes
(Sheesh! Finally. Well, I hope you enjoyed the script. Now be sure to go and watch it repeatedly. If you have already done so, watch it again! Bye-bye!)
