Realize that the fears of the agoraphobic are "real." Take care not to belittle the experience. Accept that his/her feelings and concerns are legitimate.
Be as patient as you can. Though it may be frustrating to you, especially if you are limited by the agoraphobic's fears, remember that his/her frustration is far greater. The agoraphobic must also learn to be patient.

Be sympathetic, but don't pity the agoraphobic. Any attempts you make to genuinely understand what he/she is going through will be appreciated greatly.

Make an effort to learn more about agoraphobia by reading books, articles, or
speaking with experts on the subject if you are close to the agoraphobic. This will help BOTH of you.

Avoid any temptation to say unhelpful things such as, "There's really nothing to afraid of," or, "I have fears too but they don't rule my life." Once you comprehend that this is not ordinary fear the agoraphobic is dealing with, you will see why this sort of logic comes across as demeaning and trivializing; it can also create alienation if the agoraphobic feels you really do not understand him/her.

Do not assume that the agoraphobic is weak or childish, or that they could get
better if they just tried harder. Recovery from anxiety disorders are not overcome by willpower alone. To even try to overcome agoraphobic limitations takes great courage. They are facing great terror, not simple nervousness.

Offer support and encouragement, but do not attempt to control or manage their recovery process. The agoraphobic needs to tackle recovery at his/her own pace and is the one who must do the work. Allow the phobic to tell you what would be helpful.

Do not shame, lecture, or ridicule. This is obviously unconstructive and hampers progress by further undermining already shaken personal confidence.

Realize that every tiny accomplishment in the recovery process is really a big deal. Let the phobic know that you realize how much effort went into each accomplishment. You can't congratulate an agoraphobic too much!

Do not push the agoraphobic to enter into situations before the agoraphobic person feels ready. Gentle urging to face fears is sensible; pushing is counterproductive.

If you happen to be a recovered or recovering agoraphobic yourself, or perhaps have had other phobias, don't assume that what is right for you is right for everyone. Let the agoraphobic decide how best to approach recovery. Right or wrong, it is his/her decision to make, and each person is unique in their experiences in the quest for recovery.

It is an erroneous belief that repeated exposure alone to the feared situation will bring recovery. While facing fears is imperative, it must be done in such a way that incorporates specific coping strategies and appropriate attitudes. If fears are faced without the "right tools" and attitudes, the agoraphobic can become more severely sensitized to his/her fears. Remember, it is the deeply
ingrained, habitual anxious response that the agoraphobic is learning to overcome--not the driving, or shopping, or socializing, etc.

Since agoraphobics are usually under a great deal of strain, can tire easily from the chronic anxiety, and often experience depression in addition to the phobia, he/she may sometimes become irritable or especially emotional. Accept that this is a part of the package and try not to be overly upset by his/her expressions of anger/frustration/sadness.

When possible, help to alleviate un-necessary aggravations and stressors. Other demands and conflicts compromise the time and effort needed to be put toward recovery.

Expect that the person in treatment may need to devote a good deal of time to his/her program (i.e., desensitization practice, listening to program tapes or relaxation tapes, and so forth).

Be careful not to be overprotective or to foster too much dependency. There is a delicate balance that can be achieved while providing proper and legitimate support.

Remember that the agoraphobic is every bit as deserving of assistance as someone suffering from any illness.

Accommodate the agoraphobic's concerns, within reason. For example, if the agoraphobic says he/she simply cannot drive to the store, make other arrangements until the time when he/she is ready to tackle that limitation.

Find creative solutions-together with the agoraphobic-that will keep you from "burning out" if you find yourself handling too many of the responsibilities. You may, for example, want to hire help at times, or find a neighbor who wouldn't mind dropping the kids off at school, etc. You must also take care of yourself!

Understand that recovery is a process that does not always follow a straight path. It may be riddled with ups and downs, steps forward and steps backward. (Example: Suppose your husband seems to conquer his reluctance to eat in restaurants, but on another occasion he is unable to go
out to dinner with you at a new restaurant. This is not uncommon and should not be viewed as discouraging. Remind your husband that he need not be discouraged by temporary "setbacks.") Expect and allow ups and downs.

Part of total recovery from severe anxiety includes becoming a more confident, assertive person. It is not necessary to feel threatened or confused by these changes you may see in the recovering agoraphobic. Be willing to explore new patterns in the relationship.

Be a good listener. Sometimes the agoraphobic needs to talk about what they are going through and what they need. Don't try to be their therapist; simply acknowledge and respect their feelings.

Recognize that the phobic individual is sometimes ambivalent about the recovery process. Since it can be so uncomfortable to face long-standing fears and make profound attitudinal changes which may seem overwhelming to him/her, there may be some reluctance to get over the problem. If this does not resolve itself over time, it may be appropriate to suggest counseling or other help to get the person over that common hurdle.

by Pat Merrill