As many of you may have read my story at another site, I decided, to try to make this one clearer, and go into a bit more depth about these problems and my story. This page has been sitting on my computer forever, and I have just never had the courage to rewrite my story, though I know that it may help others and that people, have asked me about the other page of this. But it has been extremely hard to write, and when I thought I would have to do this again, I would procrastinate. Well, here goes, and I hope that this more in-depth page helps more, than the other one did. I am hoping it will be much better explained and alot easier to comprehend.

I will start off by telling you a bit about myself and my background. I was born in West Germany, in Lahr directly in Schwarzwald (The Black Forest). (Please excuse some of my spelling on these places). I can totally understand German, speak it quite a bit but not fluently, can read it, but can't write it worth beans. Most of my relatives, still reside in Germany and Europe. I have relatives, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, etc... in Hamburg, Bremen, DÜsseldorf, Bonn, Frankfurt, Mannheim, NÜrnberg, Karlsruhe, Amsterdam, OsnabrÜck, LÜbeck and Baden Baden, too many more to mention. I have a very large family, and only have a few relatives in here Canada. My Grandmother, (we are very close to her) my mother's mother, lives in B.C. on the Island, I also have on Uncle there. I have four cousins and one Aunt, whom we are not very close to living in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I have one older sister, who is three years older than myself, is married and has two wonderful boys. My father also lives here and just remarried (ack), to a woman who physically and mostly mentally tortured me.     

My family moved to Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada when I was two. I have a few recollections, of some horrifying things that I witness, when I was younger. We lived on a street in Winnipeg, that had children in almost every house, a street that was safe and cars that barely ever drove down that road at all. So it was a pretty quiet and safe neighborhood. My sister and I were never bored, because all the kids would be outside and we would all play different kinds of games. Alot of kids and alot of fun.

I do remember a few things but not alot of details. Either I was to young to remember them all, or I have pushed it all deep inside myself, in order not to remember. I do recall playing with a little girl across the street, when I was about four. We were playing with a ball and having fun like most kids do. The ball accidentally rolled out on the road, and the next thing I heard was a thump and saw her get hit by this car. On a street that was so quiet , on a road, that a car may have used, once an hour? I don't recall anything after that. I am hoping that all turned out well. I believe she went to the hospital, no doubt, but I honestly can't say. But this very much still lives in me today, and many times I will sit and try so hard to remember, what happened, after that car, struck her.

I started attending kindergarten, at whatever age it is that you start it. I remember that I had two friends, that were boys and twins. I would walk to school either with my sister or alone, because those days it was safe, not like it is now. I was walking to school, when I smelled a very strange odor, and as I keep walking it got stronger and the air was getting smoky. As I continued to walk, I went by the twin's house and saw that it was still smoldering from a massive fire that struck the night before. They were things thrown on there lawn as if they were trying to save some of there possessions, buy throwing them out off the windows, as their house was up in flames, but they were ruined. This three story house that once stood, now was barely standing, black as night and still smoking. This site frightened me quite alot, and I was scared for many years after that, hoping that would never happen to us. Then when I would walk to school the next few days, I would turn my head, not to see the ruins, but the scent of burnt lumber, still lingered so strong.

I had many things happen in my childhood, which I can not place here due to my family members not knowing about it, and that I have just learned of them myself about a year ago in a group session, in the Hospital. But I did notice that I started acting strange, in Elementary school, when we moved to Edmonton. The school was just down the street, but when I left the house to go to school, I would unplug the T.V. and check that things were off, like the stove etc... but I did this more than just once, that is became an obsession with me. I now realize that I was fighting another disorder then, called OCD. (Obsession Compulsive Disorder) Of course I did not know that then, but with the knowledge that I have now, I know that is what it was. It lasted for a few years and I somehow got over it. Thank God for that.

We moved to Alberta, when I was about nine. This I took quite hard, since I had to leave my school and all my friends behind. I was a very shy child, so it was difficult for me. (I am also trying to make a long story short here also, so I will skip to the horrifying things that happened unfortunately).

I was 15 years old and in grade nine. I went to a school near a high school, where I new someone from it. I took the bus home usually but, this friend of mine also got out the same time I did and drove. I will call him Joe.. So for a few weeks Joe would drive by the bus stop and saw me, and would be kind enough to drive me home. Sometimes we would stop for a coffee before he took me home. He was a very nice guy and he was always very pleasant.