MY LIFE PAGE 2

Unfortunately after the incident with my father I went to live wth my birth mother.
Big mistake. BIG, BIG mistake.



At this time I was 12 years 8 months old. To look at me you'd a thought I was in my 20's. I had already been mistaken for being 22 years old. I had developed early.
Yipee.
That didn't help any either.

I hated being so developed, everywhere I went people would stare.
By this time I had already discovered boys and knew they all had one thing on their minds.




Ok, so now I'm living with my birth mother and her second husband.

We used to go to the drive-in a lot, we would see horrible movies! Movies like the exorcist, and other scary things involving witchcraft, and horror movies. These are NOT movies for a 13 year old!

I hated these movies, they scared me. I used to imagine that there were people in my closet and they were out to get me. To this day I can't sleep with the closet door open. I know it may sound silly, but sometimes chldhood fears follow us into adulthood.

After seeing the exorcist my girlfriend and I were scared to death. We thought we saw something under the coffee table, when we told my birth mother she just laughed at us and called us babies. She didn't care that we were scared. That wasn't very nice.





When I was 13 my birth mother "gave" me to her husband. I hated that she "did" this to me.

She was so very wrong. I was only 13 years old. This made me feel so very dirty and unloved.

I hadn't really thought about it much, but I guess that must have been one of the reasons they bought me so many nice things. That and the fact that they didn't want me to leave and go back to my father.


This horrible thing never happened again. Why I'm not sure, but I'm just grateful there were no repeat performances

I stayed with them until I was 15. The reason I stayed so long was because my birth mother had convinced me that my father didn't want me anymore. I believed her. How could he possible want me after all I had been thru.






When I was 15 I went to visit my Dad, I did NOT return to my birth mother.

After I went back to my fathers house my birth mother called and told them that the only reason I went to live with her was because I was pregnant and I knew it.


SHE LIED!!

I talked to my Mom and told her that my birth mother was lying. I was never pregnant. I had made mistakes but I wasn't pregnant.


Sexually active yes, pregnant NO!

I left because of my father. Mom believed me and told me that my birth mother was just trying to hurt me because I decided to stay with my Dad instead of going back to her.

As strange as this may sound I ALWAYS DID, HAVE, and WILL LOVE my Daddy.






When I was 15 we lived in New Mexico I was dating one of the drummers in our high scool band, I was the envy of all the girls in school.

Here I was a sophomore dating a senior who also happened to be the most popular drummer in the whole school. I thought I was hot stuff.

Until the night he took me back to my house and no one was home and he date raped me.

"Please remember that date rape is NEVER your fault. You did NOT "ask for it". Unfortunately there are some really sick people in this world who think they can get away with this crime. If this ever happens to you please tell someone and be sure to call the police right away."


Still to this day I don't understand WHY he did this. We had already been sexually intimate. I guess he was just a sick person.





I left school in March/April of my sophomore year. Another BIG mistake.

I also moved out of my fathers house for the last time at the age of 15. I moved in with James who later became the father of my oldest daughter and my first husband. I was 15 he was 16.

We moved in together in April. I started having awful migraine headaches and the doctor took me off the birth control pill and I ended up pregnant in May.

We got married in September. Nothing fancy, just a simple wedding at his Grandpas church, which was in the back of the house.

Brandy was born in Febuary.

James said he wanted a divorce in May, we stuck it out for one more year and then parted ways.

We were supposed to move to Arkansas with his parents so he packed almost all of our stuff and went with them to set up house. Brandy and I stayed with my Uncle and Aunt. James said he would send for us when everything was ready.





Next thing I remember is a phone call saying he wanted a divorce. I told him fine, but I was keeping Brandy. James said no way and hung up the phone.

Three days later he called again and said
...Fine.

When we seperated he had almost all my stuff and Brandy's stuff, but I had the most important part of my life. I had my daughter Brandy.

The reason I say I had what was most important is because when my birth mothe left all she wanted was part of a collection of elephants. Then she signed the divorce papers. Some great thing for a "mother" to do right.





James just wasn't ready to be tied down with all the responsibilities of being a father and a husband. Instead he wanted to continue to party and hang out with his buddies.

I have no ill feelings towards James. I was ready for a family of my own and he wasn't. I don't blame him.

He is now remarried and they have a daughter and a granddaughter. I wish for them all great happiness.