Some Funnies

Cathy Cartoon about chocolate
Baby Blues Cartoon about chocolate
Diet Prayer
Cute FOXTROT cartoon for computer buffs
Jigsaw Puzzle of Candy Sticks!
Honey Please just calm down, Let me explain!...

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Signs You May Be A Canadian

1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movies, not lines.
2. You pronounce the red sauce as ketchup, not 'cat sup'.
3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette,
I just spilled my poutine."
4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!"
8. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
9. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
10. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap
place to travel to and has good cigars.
11. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix
it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
12. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has ever had sex and don't
want to know if he has!
13. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
14. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
15. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
16.You sit on a couch not a chesterfield.
17.You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
18.You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
19. You know that Thrills are something to chew and taste like soap.
20. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
21. You dismiss all beers under 6% as for "children and the elderly".
22. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
23. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
24. You participated in "Participaction".
25. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale "What's good
enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
26. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
27. Unlike any international assasin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't possess
a Canadian passport.
28. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing
u's from labor, honor and color.
29. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added",
thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
30. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
31. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
32. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's
"Skin-a-ma-rinky-doo " opus.
33. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
34. You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
35. You know what a toque is.
36. You have some momento of Doug and Bob.
37. You admit Rich Little is a Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not.
38. You know Toronto is not a province.
39. You never miss "Coaches Corner".
40. Backbacon and Kraft Dinner are two of the food groups.
41. Snow is not "evil".
42. People around the world think you're American, then love you when
they find out you're not!.
43.You know that a "fanny pak" is a pouch you wear around your waist.
44. Any day above 10 degrees C is shorts weather.

"Thoughts On Diet"

* A diet is a weigh of life.
* It's something most of us do religiously: We eat what we want and pray
we don't gain weight.
* A diet is what you go on when not only can't you fit into the store's dresses,
you can't fit into the dressing room.
* One guideline applies to fat and thin people alike: If you're thin, don't eat fast.
If you're fat, don't eat... fast.
* The problem with curbing our appetites is that most of us do it at the drive
in window of McDonalds.
* The most fattening thing you can put in an ice cream sundae is a spoon.
* The biggest drawback to fasting for seven days is that it makes one weak.
* Above all, dieters are advised to avoid Pepsi, the pause that 'refleshes.'
* Sweets are the destiny that shapes our ends.
* Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
* The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what
other people eat.
* Diets are for women who not only kept their girlish figure but doubled it.
* A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width.
* It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds.
* Many women reduce and reduce, yet still never manage to become a bargain.
* The best way to lose weight is by skipping... snacks and desert.
* Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two... alone.
* People go to Weight Watchers to learn their 'lessens.'
* A diet is the modern-day meal in which a family counts its calories
instead of its blessings.

"Kitchen Wisdom"

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression
he just cleaned the whole house.
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
Housework done properly can kill you.
Countless numbers of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.

What if Dr. Seuss Wrote a Computer Manual!
1.) If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus isinterrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
2.) If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-click icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
3.) If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

4.) When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom.

Remember when your dad always used to say *When i get around to it*...welll here it is *LOL*


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