THE RULES OF CHOCOLATE

        The animated version *S*
        If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands,
        you're eating it too slowly.

        Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

        The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
        The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

        Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.
        It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

        If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
        Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

        If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?
        Don't they actually counteract each other?

        Money talks.
        Chocolate sings.

        Chocolate has many preservatives.
        Preservatives make you look younger.

        Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
        A. Because no one wants to quit.

        Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today.
        That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

        A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place.
        Isn't that handy?

        If you break chocolate before you eat it, all of the calories fall out.

        If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
        But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?



        cookiebutton


        Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
        were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
        Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
        In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.

        While Mama in her my girdle and I in chin straps
        Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
        When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter
        I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

        Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash
        Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
        The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
        Sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.

        When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
        A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
        hat huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
        I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.

        The sweet-coated santa, those sugared reindeer
        I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;
        On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
        A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.

        From the top of the scales to the top of the hall
        Now dash away pounds now dash away all.
        Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress
        My clothes were all bulging from too much excess.

        My droll little mouth and my round little belly
        They shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
        I spoke not a word but went straight to my work
        Ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.

        And laying a finger beside my heartburn
        gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.
        I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry
        If temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.

        And I mumbled again as I turned for the night
        In the morning I'll starve... 'til I take that first bite!


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