You;ve Been in Japan Too Long 2

You Know You've Been in Japan Too Long When .. 2 ..... .. or .. What's Wrong With Having "Hello Kitty" Sheets? .....

you find nothing odd in a man having "Hello Kitty" sheets, notebook or backpack
you catch yourself subconsciously bowing to the neighbourhood cat
you call your parents back home, and constantly say "so desu" and nod to the phone each time
you start to think that coffee is a soft drink
you think that "Christmas" has five syllables
you start buying Carpenters CD singles
you don't understand how hunter-gatherer island tribespeople could possibly have had enough money to eat fresh fruits
you think that the Cream classic "White Room" was written especially for one of this month's car commercials
you don't think it's strange to warm up a room by turning on the stove
you think the slogan "Are you Windom?" makes perfect sense
you think that gaijin geek with the thick black glasses on the Geos Eikaiwa commercials is cool
you think it's rude to wear shoes indoors or drink a soda while walking, but not rude to break into people's conversations mid-sentence, slurp tea and noodles loudly enough to wake the dead, or piss in the gutter.
you look forward to next month's "TV Commercial Image Song Perfect Collection" CD
an omelette stuffed with curry rice strikes you as a good, hearty breakfast
you are able to digest said omelette without the aid of prescription medicine
you don't feel ripped off upon finding a coin operated TV in your $80-a-night business hotel cubicle
you visit back home in New York and get beaten up on the subway for making a snide comment aloud to yourself about some guy's tie, having forgotten that everybody understands what you say
you visit back home, go to a restaurant, and politely inform an exiting customer that he forgot his change on the table
you plunk ¥100 into a video game machine as if it were a quarter
you visit back home and head straight for Little Tokyo
you think that those cool kids on "Alf" and "Full House" are famous celebrities in the US
$15 a person sounds like a great deal for a movie, even if you do have to stand up
cheek-reddening blunders such as "We will have a presidential erection," "I want to come on your house," and "Please shit down" don't even make you wince
you feel nervous in the presence of foreigners
you think your new washing machine is great when only one of the shirts comes out shredded
you develop a Pavlovian response of dozing off instantly in your seat on the train whenever someone stands in front of you
you buy a set of expensive china cups, and then fill them with instant coffee and "Creap"
you run into a store and leave your scooter outside on the curb with the key inserted and the motor running
you manage to get by on only three meals a day
you begin to equate "Japanese film" with either "cartoon" or "porno flick"
you occasionally talk back to the crosswalk buttons, vending machines and ATM
you figure that beer is as good a cold medicine as any
you forget how to operate an elevator on your own without the help of a uniformed "floor guide"
you learn that trick where you get off the bicycle and ride on one pedal while it's still moving
you order a pizza and ask for corn, raw tuna and octopus
you learn to determine upon inspection whether a particular snack item has that bean stuff in it without asking
you start smoking, because it's healthier than just breathing the second-hand smoke
after you start smoking, you hold the cigarette between your thumb and index finger, facing outward
you play pachinko on your lunch hour
you call up other gaijin and communicate effectively with loopy utterances such as, "I am enjoy movie tomorrow, don't you?"
you learn to identify a kid's age in seconds by looking at his or her uniform
you can't take a walk on even the shortest nature trail without first suiting up in a full-on yodeling outfit and stuffing a backpack full of riceballs and sake
you struggle over a decision between ¥690 for a 1:50 semi-express train ride or ¥ 1290 for a 1:20 special-express ride -- and you choose the special express
you have no problem with the idea of entrusting your savings to "Shitty Bank" -- that's Citibank in the local vernacular
you glance at the clock and accurately predict the next line of dialog in the TV drama.

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