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Marilyn Monroe's Diary?

An Adventure In Strange Humor and Situations.

What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment ? An IN-body experience !

In Hollywood a girl's virtue is much less important than her hairdo. You're judged by how you look, not by how you are.

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"

What do you call a blonde lesbian? A waste.

Why are blondes like cornflakes ? Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room? They have to pull their own pants down.

Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? She kept having affairs with men!

Sometimes I think it would be easier to avoid old age, to die, young, but then you would never complete your life, would you? You'd never wholly know yourself...

How do you keep a blonde busy? Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?" "No, I just lie there."

"Excuse me sir, what time is it?" asked the blonde.
"It's 3:15."
(Puzzled look on her face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

I would like to grow old without face-lifts... I want to have the courage to be loyal to the face that I have made.

"Feel free to use my Dictaphone," stated the male secretary.
The new blonde employee replies, "No thanks, I'll just use my finger like everyone else."
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
Mercedes with a coat hanger: Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde walk down a beach when suddenly the brunette discovers a magic lamp. The brunette rubs the lamp and POOF! a magic genie appears. The genie tells the girls that he will grant them three wishes, so each girl will have a turn. The redhead goes first and tells the genie that she's always been really smart and she is sick of being teased, so she asks the genie to make her just semi-smart. Suddenly the redhead is turned into a brunette.

Next, the brunette takes her turn. She tells the genie that she has always just been sort of smart and she wants to be really smart. Suddenly the brunette becomes a redhead.

Finally, it's the blonde's turn. She thinks for a minute and then tells the genie that she's always been dumb and she's tired of being dumb. The blonde says that she wants to be really dumb. Suddenly, the blonde becomes a man!

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and told the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

To put it bluntly, I seem to have a whole superstructure with no foundation. But I'm working on the foundation.

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups. The doctor asked the first woman "In what position was the baby conceived?"
"He was on top," she replied.
"You will have a boy!" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top," was the reply.
"You will have a baby girl," said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
"What's the matter?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies?"

Blondes-- they take a lickin', and keep on-- lickin!
What does a blonde owl say? What, what?

What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass? A brain tumor.

What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down? Two brunettes.
What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date? If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

One day a blonde, red-head, and a brunette were driving through the desert when all of a sudden their car broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization. The red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can drink it."
Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so if I get hungry I can eat."
And then the blonde said "I'm going to take the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!"

What's the Blonde's cheer? " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Why did the blonde cross the road? Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom? I don't know. Neither did she.
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side.

What is a, hot, good-looking, gorgeous blonde girl in India called? A tourist
Why did the blonde have a sore navel? Because her boyfriend was also blond!

Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU? Too many blondes were drowning.

A young blonde lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell."

Her mother, also blonde, thought for a moment and then replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

A lot has been written about what I do with my fan mail...that I strew it about the floor, then walk about over it in my bare feet. Silly, isn't it? I do with my fan mail exactly what is intended for: I read it to learn how I'm doing...Fan letters can add more than a little to one's knowledge of human nature. That's something every actress must know a lot about if she's really going to build up the character she is to play.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

When I played Lorelei in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes it was probably the closest persona of what I really am like or would like to be inside. Lorelei was entertained by life and lived for the excitement of it all. When Jane Russell and I put our handprints in cement outside that Chinese theater I really felt for the first time that I was a star. Of course after one works with the likes of Howard Hawks what else can one be?

On a flight from New York to Paris, soon after take-off the pilot announces: "I'm sorry, but we have lost one of our engines. Subsequently, we will arive in Paris approximately half an hour late."

A few minutes later, he comes on again: "Hate to disappoint you folks, but another engine is down. Don't panic - we've still got two going, but now we'll be about 2 hours late."

After another few minutes, he comes on again: "Look, I am really sorry about this, but somehow we have lost our third engine. Still nothing serious to worry about, but we will be about five hours late to Paris."

After hearing this, the blonde turns to the guy sitting next to him and remarks, "If we lose the other one, we'll be up here all night."

I wasn't really ready for a person like my Joe until after I moved away from Natasha. She was so all consuming I had no time for anyone else. She still had to help me through River Of No Return. That was a dismal movie if there ever was one. I was sure Mr. Mitchum hated working with me. He is so serious he scares me. Most of the time I was cold and uncomfortable. Otto didn't help when he banned Natasha from the set. Had to go to the big man himself to get something done. Mr. Zanuck said I used extortion but he did want the picture finished so he told Otto what the score was and the home team won.

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde had just robbed a bank and they were trying to escape from the cops. They ran down an alley and saw three huge potato sacks. They hopped inside just in time, and the cops didn't see them. Puzzled, the cops looked at the bags suspiciously. One cop kicked the brunette's bag, she meowed, and the cop thought nothing of it. He then kicked the redhead's bag, she made a clanking noise with her shoes, and the cop thought it was just some garbage. Then he moved on to the blonde's bag. He kicked it and she said "Potatoes!"

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A rebel without a clue!

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Okay says the lawyer, your turn.

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworker, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.

The blonde says, "Thank you", and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb.

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Click here if you would like to see a collection of recent books on Marilyn Monroe including a lot of interesting bookcovers. They are a good representation of what is being researched and found about the real life story of a great screen legend. There will be ways back to the diary but it wouldn't hurt to bookmark about now. We are associated with Amazon.com and they have great prices on these works.

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Amazon.com 100 Hot CDs and also, while at Amazon, you could look up my latest book that I've published (2004) called "Russia's Little America". Click on this small picture to see it larger. That's me on the cover along with my favorite cover girl...my wife. The book is all about a KGB agent and his Chinese girlfriend who build a school in Siberia for agents to become familiar with the U.S. You won't be disappointed for I've been there and my story is exciting.

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