I love music on my site. If you don't merely click it off if it distracts you.

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I still remember that by 1945 when I was 19 years old I had been married for 3 years, about ready for my first divorce and launching myself on a modeling career. It was about then that Tom Kelly and his camera came into my life. I needed $50 and he needed some calendar shots. We were destined for each other.

Why can't blondes make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.

Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of her mirror with her eyes closed? She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

Why are blondes like pianos? When they aren't upright, they're grand.

I'm a failure as a woman. My men expect so much of me, because of the image they've made of me and that I've made of myself as a sex symbol. Men expect so much, and I can't live up to it.

What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? Divorced.

What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? Trying to hold on to a thought.

Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? They don't know the route.

I am invariably late for appointments--sometimes as much as two hours. I've tried to change my ways but the things that make me late are too strong, and too pleasing.

Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head
wounds? She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a budgie cord.

Should I do my next picture or stay home and try to have a baby again? That's what I really want most of all, the baby, I guess, but maybe God is trying to tell me something, I mean with my pregnancy. I'd probably make a kooky mother; I'd love my child to death. I want it, yet I'm scared. Arthur (Miller) says he wants it, but he's losing his enthusiasm. He thinks I should do the picture. After all, I'm a movie star, right?

Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. Even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was quite a spiritual person.

Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath. He became known as a super-callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

I think if other girls know how bad I was when I started they'll be encouraged. I love to do the things the censors won't pass. I want to be known as a good actress.

A blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it"

Pretty soon a snowplow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with Wal-Mart lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart"

Don't know why but last night I dreamt about being a little girl and living in Venice. I remember a sign saying Windward. There was an ocean front walk across the beach with a lot of shops. Acting in front of the shops were jugglers and mimes doing funny things. There was a miniature railway that went down Windward Street and across inland lagoons. Went past apartments where Douglas Fairbanks used to live and Mary Pickford along with Harold Lloyd and William S. Hart. We had a dog named Tippy. In my dream mother talked about Charlie Chaplin picking up Aimee Semple McPherson for four o'clock tea. That was better than some dreams I had where I was naked in church walking on top of a lot of people while I was trying to reach the front.

The blonde research assistant wants to know-- HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

I can walk alone for hours and enjoy it. With sunglasses and a wig I can walk New York Streets and no one bothers me.

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer blonde wife standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the blonde woman is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer's wife and asks her, "Ah excuse me Ma'am, but what are you doing?"

The blonde farmer's wife replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."

Jealousy. It's like salt on a steak. All you need is a little bit of it.

The pretty blonde coed was shocked when the biology professor asked her "What part of the human anatomy enlarges to about 10 times its normal size during periods of emotion or excitement?"

"I - I - I refuse to answer that question," the embarrassed blonde stammered and blushingly turned her face away.

Another student was asked the same question and answered correctly, "The pupil of the eye."

"Miss Fenster," said the professor, "your refusal to answer the question leads me to three conclusions. One: You didn't study last night's assignment. Two: You have a dirty mind. Three: Your marriage will be a tremendous disappointment."

I love to do the things the censors won`t pass. I want to be known as a good actress.

Why do blondes work seven days a week? So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons? You can also sit upright in a car.

My very favorite actors are Marlon Brando, Clark Gable, Charlie Chaplin, Charles Laughton, Will Rogers, Cary Grant, John Barrymore, Tyrone Power and Richard Widmark.

What's the definition of a metallurgist? A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore.

What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde? Vaseline and Poli-Grip.

I've been told there are three ways of finding meaning in life: doing a good deed-love, experience-sex, and suffering. Does that mean I've found the meaning so easily? I relate to all of the above and really over done three out of the three!

What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road? There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

What is the difference between a blonde and a prostitute? Prostitutes don't drive Ferrari's

What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes? Elvis has been sighted.

Sometimes I think would be easier to avoid old age, to die, young, but then you would never complete your life, would you? You'd never wholly know yourself...

What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? Some traffic signs say stop.

What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb? The light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

I've never dropped anyone I believed in.

What's the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a blonde with diarrhea? One shucks between fits.

As luck would have it my last words in the picture before they closed the Something's Got To Give set were: "How do you find your way back in the dark?"

I'm not joke. I am for real. It might be kind of a relief to be finished. No More dumb blonde jokes for me. I've collected a life-time supply.

Click here to go foreward to page 18 for a few more dumb blonde jokes.

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