If you've got a good one send it to me and I'd love to post it here for all to enjoy.

• When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
• When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
• The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
• When the going gets tough, upgrade.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
• To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
• He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
• If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
• A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
• The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
• A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

How Things Would Be Different If Microsoft Were Located In The South!

• Their No. 1 product would be "Microsoft Winders".
• Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle.
• Occasionally, you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag and some duct tape.
• Instead of "Yes", "No", or "Cancel", dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Aww-right", "Naw", or "Git".
• Instead of "Ta-Dah!", the opening sound would be "Dueling Banjos".
• The "Recycle Bin" in Winders95 would be an outhouse.
• Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player, you'd hear "Freebird!"
• Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders95 theme song would be "Boot Scootin' Boogie".
• Powerpoint would be named "ParPawnt".
• Instead of "VP", Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz".
• Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am.
• Daisy Duke screen saver.
• "Well, the first thing you know old Bill's a billionaire..."
• Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator.
• Microsoft CEO "Billy-Bob" (a.k.a. "Bubba") Gates.
• "ParPawnt" would have a "Pond Scum" and a "Junk Yard" presentation template.
• One wrong turn while surfing the web would send you face to face with a 12 gauge shotgun.
• "This computer protected by Smith and Wesson screen saver.
• Directions to Corporate Headquarters - "Down the road a block or so".
• Microsoft Word includes a phonetic spell checker-"Hookt on fonics werkt 4 me".

Guide my keystrokes,
Keep my programs alive,
Protect me from viruses,
Back up my drive.
Amen

If a packet, hits a pocket, on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted, 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless, and your systems's gonna crash!

If the label on your cable, on the gable at your house,
says the network is connected to the button of your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in your window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause unnescessary RISC,
then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom.

Three engineers travel together in a car, one electrical engineer, one mechanical engineer, and one Microsoft engineer. After a long drive, the car suddenly breaks down with no obvious reason.

The electrical engineer says "I don't know much about cars but let me check the electrical system, maybe I will find the problem."

The mechanical engineer says "I don't know much about cars but let me check the mechanical system, maybe I will fix it!"

The Microsoft engineer, who also wants to show some troubleshooting ability, says "I don't know much about cars, but why don't we close all the windows, get out, and get back in again, maybe that will work?"

Thanks for visiting!

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