As soon as she had finished convent school, a bright young girl named Lena
shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where
before long, she became a successful performer in show business.
Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night
went to confession in the church, which she had always attended as a child. In
the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her
work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know
what that meant. She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she
did on stage.
She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she
went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and backflips.
Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged
ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the
other: "Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this
night, and me without me bloomers on!"
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub
together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about
to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints,
and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as
if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the
beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"
Two English ladies were discussing their vacation plans on a London street corner near an Irish lady. "We're
planning a lovely holiday in Devon this year," said one. "Oh you oughtn't to do that," said the other, "there are
Irish there! It would be awful." "Dear me!" said the first lady. "Well where are you going?" "Salisbury," she
replied. "But Salisbury is simply crawling with Irish!" the first objected. At this point the Irish lady could no
longer hold her tongue. "Why don't ye go t' hell," she suggested. "There be no Irish there!"
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