Q: What's another name for a Texas Crime Ring?
A: A Dallas Cowboys Huddle.
"Out there at Kennedy Airport,
they confiscated $12 million worth of cocaine.
The cops became suspicious when they saw a big box
addressed to Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Michael
Irvin."
-David Letterman-
Q: Why is Jerry Jones mad at Leon Lett?
A. Because he chose coke over Pepsi.
Three Texans, Slim, Billy-Bob, and Bubba died and went
to heaven.
At the
pearly gates, they were met by St. Peter, who explained
that although it was
late and God had retired for the evening, he had asked
Albert Einstein to show
them around so they wouldn't get bored before they met
God in the morning.
After Einstein had introduced himself to Slim, he asked:
"By the way, Slim, what was your IQ when you were
alive?"
"159", said Slim.
"Great!", said Einstein. We'll discuss my general
theory of relativity and
maybe a little unified field theory as I show you
around."
"What an exciting opportunity!", said Slim.
Einstein then introduced himself to Billy-Bob, and when he
was done he said:
"Tell me, Billy-Bob - what was your IQ when you
were alive?"
"141", said Billy-Bob.
"Good," said Einstein.
"If you'd like, we can discuss a little mathematics and
philosophy as I point out the heavenly sights."
"Nothing I'd like better!" was Billy-Bob's reply.
After Einstein had introduced himself to Bubba, he asked:
"What was your IQ when you were alive, Bubba?"
"58" said Bubba.
Punching him on the arm, Einstein said:
"Hey, Bubba - How 'bout them Cowboys!"
Q. How do you get 52 Cowboy players to stand all at
once?
A. "Will the defendant please rise?"
Jerry Jones calls Michael Irvin in for a meeting:
"Michael" he says,
That was a close one & you'll have to be careful from
now on."
"What do you recommend boss?"
"From now on it's Pepsi & Nike, not COKE &
NOOKIE"
Two boys were playing football in a park when one is
attacked by a
Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a plank
of the nearby
fence, wedges it down the dog's collar & twists, breaking
the dog's neck.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and
rushes over to
interview the boy.
"Washington Redskin fan saves friend from vicious
animal,"
he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Redskins fan," the boy replied.
"Baltimore Ravens fan rescues friend from horrific
attack,"
the reporter starts
again.
"I'm not a Ravens fan either," the boy said.
"Then what are you?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Cowboys fan."
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
"Redneck B****** Kills Family Pet."
Michael Irvin recently demanded a trade
from the Cowboys to the Eagles,
because he wanted the crack in the Liberty Bell.
Do you know how to do
the Dallas Cowboys version of the Macarena?
Stand a foot away from a wall.
Place one hand on the wall, and then the other.
Spread one leg, then the other.
Place one hand behind your head, and then the other.
Place one hand behind your back, and then the other.
Have the policeman handcuff one hand, then the
other.
Q: Why is Michael Irvin like a social disease?
A: He's embarrassing, he goes away for a few weeks,
but then comes back, and he responds well to drugs.
Q: If Michael Irvin, Leon Lett, and Erik Williams
are riding in a car, who's driving-?
A: The Cop.
Bumper sticker seen on a police car in the Dallas,
Texas area:
GO COWBOYS-! ...and take the Mavericks with
you-!
The Cowboys employ scouts.
But not to watch other teams.
To look out for cops.
-The Miami Herald-
The joke in Big D these days is that the
'Boys go out on the town
wearing 3 championship rings
and a home-confinement bracelet.