words

.on.the.morning.after.my.death.
.splitscreen.
.gargoyles.
.lint.
.magician's.box.
.haiku.
.maddy.
.sidewalk.chalk.
.love.letter.

On the Morning After My Death

On the morning after my death,
they’ll look upon the events of my life
through black-veiled lids
and see foreshadows,
like I was James Dean.
Maybe it was the reckless way she walked,
they’d say,
barefoot along railroad tracks.
Or the solemn way she lost herself
in heartbeats.
Or the soft way she spoke
with an acid tongue.
Or the silent way she cried –
she was a beautiful crier.

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Splitscreen

You said: You’re bringing this on yourself, you know.
And I know.
And I watch a ladybug try to die.
There is no beginning or end to this,
only a middle.
Stuck in the middle.
So I watch her wings flutter against the bare bulb and
I say: wheels have been set in motion.
Wheels within wheels.

You said: I was born and raised in Plato’s heaven.
And I agree, all sighs and sighs.
And I kiss and tell.
I watch the bite marks on my thighs
turn blue and yellow as we talk.
I hear the apostrophe in your throat
but this lamp holds too much heat for her.
It took eighteen years and three seconds
to fall from shade.

You said: you dreamt of a boat, that I drove like it was stolen.
And he speaks in riddles.
And in tongues.
I invite you over to a locked door
but I’m still lost in this jigsaw.
I see my luck finding solace
under the whir of the air conditioner,
so I reach out of this hot and lazy middle,
too centered.

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Gargoyles

i remember being parked in his driveway,
slouching in the front seat of a pale blue grocery-getter,
the face of a different him peering at me
through the orange illumination of the dashboard halogen.
the air forked through the cracked windows
and ruffled his yellow hair.
crickets strummed their saccharine symphonies in the distance,
providing the score for this awkward vaudville play.
wheels and trucks ground divets into the impatient gravel,
blistering the hour.
how long ago was this moment?
i don't remember.

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Lint

the fluidity of your voice makes my body tingle,
like that feeling you get right before a sneeze.
your words are indistinguishable,
but your presence is of more importance
than any subject or predicate.
sometimes your tone is harsh,
like fingernails got lodged in your voice box,
but then there are the times when you sing
"Corazon de Oro."

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Magician's Box

i'm the girl in the magician's box,
being sawed in two.
i cannot let a scream slip out,
revealing the facade
to the critical audience,
who are always waiting -
expecting -
hoping -
- for a mistake.
the magician whispers soothing words,
telling me i'm fine -
copasetic -
imagining -
- the seering pain
that thickens like a virus in my middle,
but let's face it -
he's no David Copperfield.

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topic: haiku

insanity farm
pulling heads off of chickens
a fowl obsession

no dish, no cable
it's simply an aerial
television kiss

in the metal soup
spoon, i am upside down, like
the rest of the room

i scaled live wire
to run through your altar arms
the sky was loveless

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maddy

i never felt the nausea of longing to feel nothing
so much as i do today.
the dreamy reds & blues that flood my mind seep out of my pores
and dye the down feathers purple.
outside the sun is unnaturally bright.
i reach for the switch & out goes the 10,000 watts.
my insides feel like a sky scraper,
fully lit & bright against the night sky.
an immigrant in my own backyard.
i let the Kamel burn down, inhaling the humps.
filthy, i scrub myself in this water box.
soaking, soaking, never immersed.
shaking. i fall to my knees beside the toilet.
i vomit up fingernails, leaving aftertastes of memories & polish.
crawling under the carpet, his words echo inside my head.
"she's dead."
so, i'll slow dance on bridges, silently awaiting her replacement,
watching the recruits drown.

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topic: "mother's childhood picture"

4 and a half years
captured by a flash
december 1955
in the hands of black and white
polyester, scotch & rosaries
embedded in the past
significance unmeasurable
stories left untold; unheard
when the pitch black loses its pitch
an urban garden blossoms cerebrally
she's digging up nothing but rusted ambitions
she used to hide under the bed
now she sleeps on the couch.

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topic: "i remember"

i remember writing this guy i loved a letter.
each paragraph began with 'i remember'.
it was seven pages of my soul.
i don't think he cared much.
i remember giving it to him.
throwing it at him is probably more accurate.
i was standing at the top of my staircase,
dizzily looking down,
wishing i could melt into the thick black carpet
and become one of the steps.
it wouldn't have been much of a change
considering the way he walks all over me.
he was standing at the bottom,
crying his plastic tears.
i heaved a box of tissues,
along with the letter,
at his face,
hoping for a direct hit.
i missed.

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