By Claudia Rebaza, Astrid and Minda Herman
(c) April 26, 1985

For solace, Suzannah turned to her pet dog, Sniffer, who would make her temporarily forget her problems and would fearlessly accompany her past the Confederate flags, four wheel drives and calls of "Get me a beer, Ma!" to the laundry room where she would watch the clothes turn and wish to see something other than plaid shirts, faded jeans and undershirts emerge. She found Sniffer an excellent companion because they felt united in their misplaced condition. No one could understand why Sniffer did not like being just a plain colored dog and would constantly turn up paint stained or dyed from shades of blue to grey to green and burgundy. At one time he even resembled a Chow-Chow. Suzannah, similarly, could never tolerate the style of her hair, (regardless of what it actually looked like at the time), and felt obliged to coordinate her wardrobe with exquisite care. She also could not abhor the thought of someday becoming the queen of mobile homes, complete with a "Wide Load" sign on her behind. She and Sniffer did differ in some respects, notably in Sniffer's fondness for Jack Daniels and Suzannah's taste in steak, but these were minor points.

Most of Suzannah's time, when not spent in long lines at registration or trips to Cocoa Beach, was whiled away by her stereo as she would endlessly croon, "Somewhere Over the Bible Belt" to a sympathetic Sniffer who would not only howl along but would make facial contortions during the middle eight bars. It seemed to her, though, that she was forever doomed to a future of country music and visits by Jehovah's Witnesses.

One day however, a crisis arose. Sniffer, who had never much taken to the park manager's arty-farty tastes and long monologues on the artistic merits of television interference, decided to do some redecorating of his own in the park manager's home. Outraged, Nick, the park manager, told Auntie Em that Sniffer would have to go. To Suzannah's horror, Sniffer was taken away to an experimental laboratory where he would be used to test "bloody bendy buildings." Refusing to allow her friend to be left to such a fate, Suzannah followed Nick in her Firebird and, halfway there, was overjoyed to see Sniffer squirm out of the Aston Martin after shredding Nick's make-up case. Collecting the dog, Suzannah returned homewards, unaware, (due to her broken dashboard's disconnected radio) that the weather's ugly turn had precipitated tornado warnings for her mobile home park.

She did realize something was amiss however when she arrived to find the house vacant during the news hour. Setting down Sniffer she began to scour the house for sign of her guardians. Suddenly she felt the room begin to spin and Sniffer yelped as he slid under the bed. Suzannah fell backwards onto her stuffed frog and picture of Mikhail Barishnikov. Dazed, she lay still and closed her eyes as she heard wind wail and was hit by a gatorless Izod of hers that was flying through the room.

Both she and Sniffer were left breathless as the house came to a jarring halt and Suzannah fell off the bed. Nose to nose with Sniffer they looked at eachother for a few moments before Suzannah got to her feet and found her way to the front door.

What a surprise awaited her.

"Oh look, Sniffer!" she exclaimed. "It's beautiful!"

Indeed the place was lovelier than she had ever imagined. Bright sunshine and cool breezes entered the house, and white sand extending to the purest of waters stretched before her. Suzannah was sure she had to be dreaming.

"Can you believe it, Sniffer? I'll bet there aren't even any sharks or jellyfish in that water!" she shook her head. "I don't think we're in Florida anymore."

Sniffer acknowledged this opinion with a yelp and instantly began exploring the new terrain. Suzannah followed him outside and was startled to see dozens of chanting children appearing from the surroundings.

"The witch is dead, the witch is dead!" a few told her.

"What?" she looked at them in confusion. Sniffer growled.

"See, see. You killed him!" one pointed at a pair of red pixie boots protuding from underneath her house.

"Good gracious!" Suzannah gasped in astonishment. "Who was that?"

"That was David Sylvian," one sunglassed youngster spoke up. "He's the twin of the wicked witch of the West."

"They were an awful pair," agreed another child with a set of shell necklaces strung on his arm. "They always had to wear the finest clothes, dabble in the newest make-up, talk artsy-fartsy all the time and make synthesizers the only instruments that can be played in Yellowbird."

"And they would have us arrested for singing calypso," the sunglassed youngster reminded.

"For singing calypso?" Suzannah frowned.

"It wasn't esoteric enough," she was told. Sniffer inspected the boots and turned as green as a black haired dog could get.

"Calypso for a quarter?" one other child asked.

"Well, I--" she hesitated.

Suddenly, with the sound of synthetic explosion, there was a cloud of smoke and the children all scattered. Sniffer began to snarl. Waving away the smoke, a familiar figure appeared.

"Nick Rhodes!" Suzannah realized.

"The wicked witch of the West to you, peon," Nick waved away more smoke irritably.

"What are you doing here?" Suzannah backed to her doorway.

"That happens to be my twin you killed!" Nick pointed a finger at the red pixie boots.

"I'm awfully sorry. I couldn't help it," Suzannah apologized.

Sniffer yapped repeatedly. Nick turned to him, but with what sounded like a harmony from Ultravox, a glowing ball of light appeared and deposited a genteely smiling lady into their midst.

"Oh, must you always crash my parties?" Nick demanded of her in an aggrieved tone.

"Well of course," the lady nodded as she put hands to her hips. "That's where all the fun is."

"And who are you?" Suzannah asked, getting a bit tired of all these comings and goings.

"Oh. Hello there. I'm Minda the Good, the good witch of the North. You must be Suzannah."

"Yes, I am," Suzannah agreed.

"My, my, what an in-teresting dog. He does seem to be fond of hair dye."

"That's Sniffer."

"I suppose so. Hmmm. Very interesting," Minda nodded approval. "Now, Nick," she turned her attention back to the man in the lavender suit. "You wouldn't be after those pixie boots, now, would you?"

"Actually, I was out for my afternoon stroll among the peasants," Nick said dryly.

"Well, I'm not going to let you have them, and if I don't want you to have them, you're not going to get them," Minda tilted her head from side to side to emphasize her speech.

"Those pixie boots are mine," Nick snapped.

"Not anymore," Minda said neatly, and with a wave of her manicured nails the pixie boots appeared on Suzannah's feet.

"Oh!" Suzannah looked down at them.

"You can't do that!" Nick stomped his foot.

"I just did," Minda smiled at him with superiority.

"I'll -- I'll --" Nick frowned.

Minda folded her arms and looked at him challengingly.

"You'll what?"

"I'll curl your hair," Nick decided.

Minda inspected some strands of it. "You might as well. I haven't been having too much luck with it lately."

"Uh---" Suzannah tried to interrupt.

"Now, just go on home, back to your island before I curl your hair," Minda warned. With a last glance at Suzannah, Nick did so. Sniffer looked confused.

"Now then," Minda walked over to Suzannah, "where did you come from?"

"Union Park, Florida," Suzannah replied.

"Where?" Minda looked at her.

"Uh--Union Park."

"I don't remember ever hearing of it."

"I don't think anybody has except for the rednecks," Suzannah admitted.

"Great. Sounds like your problems are worse than I thought."

"Where is this?" Suzannah looked around.

"You happen to be in the land of Yellowbird," Minda explained as the watching Calypso kids re-emerged from their hiding places.

"How far is Union Park from here?" Suzannah wondered.

"Pretty far, I'd say."

"How do I get back?"

"Why would you want to go back?" Minda questioned.

"I don't really. But if I didn't, we wouldn't have a story."

"Well, that's true," Minda nodded. "I don't think I can help you, but I'll tell you who you should go see. She's the Wizard of Compass Point."

"The Wizard of Compass Point?" Suzannah repeated.

"Yeah, she lives up in Gambier. She knows all sorts of different things, so she might know. I know I don't."

"How do I get there?"

"The best way is probably to follow the white stone road." Minda pointed out the street behind the house. "It'll take you right there. You can't miss Compass Point."

"Oh, Ok," Suzannah decided to get some things together. "But what if I run into Nick again?"

"Well, if you have trouble with him, and knowing him, you will," Minda sighed. "Just give me a call. I'll be around somewhere."

"I will," Suzannah assured her. Minda frowned.

"You're taking all that just to go to Gambier?" she asked as she watched Suzannah fill a large blue purse with a camera, hair dryer, wallet, drinks, snacks, bathing suit, etc.

"Well, you know, I want to be prepared."

"I guess," Minda nodded. "Well, tell Claudia I said hello when you see her, and that she's got some cinammon rolls waiting."

"I'll tell her," Suzannah agreed.

"Well, good luck," Minda chuckled and waved as she disappeared again.

"Must be nice not to have to deal with cars that are breaking down all the time, huh Sniffer?"

Sniffer wrinkled his nose and looked around.

"Well, I guess I got everything," Suzannah rechecked the bag.

"You want a necklace for good luck?" one of the children asked as Suzannah got on the road.

"Well--"

"Cheap, just for you."

"Well, why not," Suzannah relented.

Soon she and Sniffer were on their way through the streets of Nassau. As they walked along, Suzannah stopped in front of a clothing shop and regarded the window display.

"Boy, I sure wish the guys in Union Park would dress like that," Suzannah eyed the fashions appreciatively. "But then again, I don't think anything would help."

"You can't be sure of that," one of the mannequins told her.

"I am. Have you seen them?" Suzannah retorted. Then she stopped and stared at the mannequin in amazement. "What did you say?"

"I said the clothes can make a lot of difference, especially if you don't have a body."

"You talked!"

"Of course, I talked. Since when have you met a Gemini who didn't talk?"

"Never," Suzannah conceeded.

The mannequin winked at her. "Besides, I think you're cute. What's your name?"

"Suzannah."

"Hi Suzannah. My name's John. I'd shake hands but you're on the other side of the glass."

"Oh," Suzannah came inside the shop and John turned from the window to lean over the rail separating the display from the shop floor.

"Nice to meet you too. Do you do this all the time?" she gestured at the clothes hanging in the window.

"Posing is my life," John grinned.

"Well, I guess that's better than me. I don't know what my life is."

"Is that your dog?" John pointed at Sniffer, who was taking an instant liking to him.

"Yes, this is Sniffer," Suzannah introduced.

"Hi," John greeted him pleasantly.

"We're on our way to see the Wizard."

"The Wizard?" John queried.

"The Wizard of Compass Point. She's going to help us get home."

"Why would she do that?" John asked.

"I don't know. I guess it's just something that wizards do."

"What else do wizards do?"

"I don't know. I never met one before."

"Do you suppose the wizard could give me a body?" John asked Suzannah earnestly.

"A body?" Suzannah wondered.

"Yes. Until I get a body, I'll never get out of this window. Nobody wants a man without a body."

"I guess that's true," Suzannah admitted. "Well, I don't know if she can help you but it sure can't hurt to try."

"You mean you'll let me come along with you?"

"Sure, Why not?"

"Great!" John looked elated and tried to get out of the window, only to fall over the rail and land on Suzannah. He knocked both of them to the floor, and missed Sniffer by a mere yelp.

"I'm awfully sorry," John apologized. "I always seem to be knocking myself about."

"I'm okay," Suzannah assured him as she struggled to get up. "It seems to me you have quite a bit of body there."

On their way again, Suzannah, Sniffer and John were strolling down Bay Street when Suzannah decided to stop and eat. John, being a mannequin didn't need to, but was glad to keep them company. There wasn't anyplace that seemed affordable but Sniffer and John found a small shop that looked promising. As Suzannah put in her order, John called her attention.

"Look at that man over there. He seems to be dead."

"No, I don't think so. He's breathing," Suzannah waved a hand in front of the man's eyes. Sniffer sniffed at his feet.

"Why doesn't he say something?"

"Maybe he's a Taurus, not a Gemini," Suzannah guessed.

"I am a Taurus," the figure spoke.

"Are you alright?" Suzannah asked,

"Just fine. A little stiff," he stretched.

"What happened?" John inquired.

"I was waiting for my order. And I kept waiting."

"And waiting," John assumed.

"And waiting," the man nodded.

"Yeah, that drives me crazy about Yellowbird," John agreed.

"Oh, I don't mind too much. It's just that when I wait too long I tend to --"

"Petrify."

"Yeah," the stone man answered.

"I'd be really worried if that happened to me," Suzannah was a bit aghast.

"It's just the way I am," the stranger shrugged.

"What's your name?" John quizzed.

"Roger," the man replied.

"I'm Suzannah, this is John and my dog, Sniffer."

"Listen, maybe you should come with us and see the Wizard about this problem," John suggested.

"The Wizard?" Roger looked at him.

"I'm going to get a body, and Suzannah and Sniffer are trying to get home."

"Maybe the Wizard can make me interesting."

"Huh?"

"That's my problem," Roger explained. "Everyone thinks I'm boring and nobody wants to talk to me. Most people never even notice me."

"Well, I noticed you," John disagreed.

"You thought I was dead," Roger recalled.

"Well, you have to admit, that is interesting," John rejoined.

"Why don't you come with us?" Suzannah invited.

"I will," Roger decided.

Still not having received their lunch and fearing that they ,too, would take root in Pennywise Sandwich Shoppe, the four continued onwards. Although Roger said not a word and Sniffer kept disappearing and reappearing, John and Suzannah were having a merry time skipping down the road and chanting "We're on our way to Gambier, doo rah, te roo rah ey," and making snide jokes about ignorant people. Suzannah finally became too hungry to go any further and insisted they stop at the next place they came to.

It was the King and Knights Supper Club and they all entered, Suzannah having high hopes for a sandwich of some sort. Instead, they found the place almost empty.

"It's so dark in here," Suzannah complained.

"I don't think anyone's here," John looked around.

Roger surveyed some scorch marks on the ceiling.

"Maybe you should try and get a sandwich at the next place," he suggested.

"I think you're right. It's spooky in here."

"Tybalt, you ratcatcher, will you walk?"

All three turned as a figure appeared on stage, waving a rapier.

"Who are you?" John asked. Roger had been addressed however and as he stepped behind a chair he asked "What do you want?"

"Good King of Cats, nothing but one of your nine lives. That I mean to make bold withal, and, as you shall use me hereafter, dry-beat the rest of the eight."

"Mercutio?" Suzannah wondered.

Whirling on her, the man continued. "Will you pluck out your sword out of his pilcher by the ears? Make haste, lest mine be about your ears ere it be out."

Suzannah beat a hasty retreat behind some tables while John with an "I am for you!" distracted him by snatching up a pizza pan from the stage and fending off the stranger's lunges. Hearing the noise, Sniffer ran in from outside and began yapping as John abandoned any false bravery, threw the pizza pan and hid behind Roger.

"What are you hiding behind me for?" Roger demanded.

"You're made of stone!" John told him. "How bad could he hurt you?"

As the swordsman closed in on them Sniffer growled and lunged at him.

Backing away the man threatened to stab the growling dog.

"Leave him alone --you --you--" Suzannah grabbed a chair.

"Worm meat," John offered.

"Thank you," Suzannah called as the man stabbed the chair and got his rapier stuck. Suzannah threw down the chair and slapped him soundly.

"A plague on both your houses! I am sped," the man recoiled and sat down on the stage.

"What?" You're hurt?" John wondered.

"Ay, ay, a scratch. Marry, 'tis enough. Where is my page? Go villain, fetch a surgeon."

"What a wimp," Roger concluded. Sniffer continued to growl.

"I didn't hurt you that much," Suzannah complained as she sat next to the man.

"No, 'tis not so deep as a well nor so wide as a church door, but 'tis enough, 'twill serve. Ask for me tomorrow and you will find me a grave man."

"Are you an actor?" Suzannah wondered.

"Ah, my good friend, what cheer?" he shrugged. "If I could act I would be an actor."

"Why don't you think you can act?" She wondered.

"Do you know how many actors there are in Yellowbird?" he looked at her.

"No," she shook her head.

"Fifteen," he shook his head also. "In our only production this year I played the part of one of the slain princess in Richard III."

"That's not a big part," Suzannah admitted. "If you got the ability to act, would you be an actor then?"

John and Roger seated themselves across from him.

"Doubt not that, if money and season can yield it."

"Have you ever asked the Wizard for help?" John continued.

"The Wizard," he looked puzzled. "No, do you think he can help?"

"She," John corrected.

"I thought he was a man."

"This is the Eighties."

"Right," the man corrected himself. "Do you think she could help me?"

"You can try," Suzannah shrugged. "What's your name?"

"Simon."

"I'm Suzannah and this is John, and Roger and Sniffer. We're on our way to see the Wizard now."

"Then foward my friends, let us tarry no longer," Simon quoted as he pulled the rapier out of the chair and resheathed it.

"I guess I may as well eat the rest of my almonds," Suzannah decided as she dug into her bottomless purse.

Suddenly a familiar synthesizer sound rang in the club and three musicians appeared on stage, playing a monotonous rhythm and a formless melody.

"Now what?" John wondered.

"Nick? Who's Nick?" John asked.

"The Wicked Witch of the West?" Simon quizzed.

"Yes. He wants my red pixie boots," Suzannah explained. "He doesn't want me to get to the wizard."

"I don't think Roger's going to. He's turned to stone again," John noticed.

"I'm feeling terribly sleepy myself," Suzannah said as she sat at a table.

"Me too. I think it's the music," Simon agreed, sitting down also. Sniffer whined again as he settled at Suzannah's feet.

"Well, if it is Nick and it is the music, you can't go to sleep!" John cried in alarm. "Get up! We've got to get out of here!"

Sniffer, however, was already asleep and Simon's head was on the table.

"Minda, Minda will help us," Suzannah murmured as she struggled to keep her eyes open.

"Minda? Who's Minda?" John shook her shoulder. Suzannah's weary eyes closed and her head dropped next to Simon's.

"Oh, stop that noise!" John yelled as he turned towards the musicians. "Minda!" he began to call. "Minda! Help us! Minda! It's Nick!"

"My goodness, they are awful. I hope this isn't one of Nick's latest discoveries," Minda complained as she made a face.

"Are you Minda?" John got to his feet and went over to her.

"I may not be a lot of things but I certainly am Minda," she replied. "You must be John."

"Yeah," John grinned. "How did you know?"

"Oh, I keep my eye on troublemakers like you," Minda smiled and batted her eyes smugly. "We have got to do something about this," she shook her head and plugged her ears. Walking over to Roger she nudged him with her foot. "Wake up."

"He's petrified," John explained.

"He's a Taurus. What is he afraid of?" Minda complained. "Wake up!" she kicked him harder.

"No, I mean he's turned to stone. He does that."

"Well we don't have time for him to do that. If he doesn't wake up I'm going to kill somebody. This is giving me a headache!" Minda snapped. "WAKE UUUUUUUPPP!!!" she yelled at Roger and gave him a sound kick.

Roger blinked a few times. Drumsticks appeared in Minda's hand and she shoved them in Roger's fist. "Here," she told him, "now play something different or you'll be a boulder for the rest of your life."

"Come on," John grabbed Roger's arm and walked him over to the drums.

Roger regarded the drums a moment, then walked around to the back of them, shoved the drummer off the stool, and sat down. Twirling a drumstick he began beating out a merciless rythm that soon had the other two musicians desisting.

"Hey that sounds great!" John bobbed his head.

"Well, it couldn't be worse," Minda agreed.

"Hey, what's going on?" Suzannah woke drowsily.

"Wow, Roger's a great drummer," Simon noted as he began bopping out to the rythm. Sniffer shook himself and trotted up to John, trying to stay out of the way of Simon's feet and flailing arms.

"Yeah, I think the boy might have a career in this," Minda tapped a foot. "Well, I must be going," she told Suzannah. "I've found a new sale and they even have my size shoes. Can't miss that," she smiled. "Good bye," she waved her fingers and was on her way.

"She thinks she'll be able to find her shoes," a voice at the synthesizers spoke up.

"Nick!" Suzannah said in alarm. Without wasting further words, Nick attempted to drown Roger out. Roger drummed louder. Nick turned the volume up. Roger drummed harder. Nick started hitting several tones at once. Roger drummed continuously. No one could stand the noise and everyone went running for the doorway.

They were all quite tired when they reached Gambier. The weather was unmercifully hot. Still, they trudged on, determined to reach the Wizard by nightfall.

"Do you suppose we missed Compass Point?" Suzannah mused. "Maybe it was up one of those driveways. Who knows where they go?"

"Maybe we should go a bit farther just to make sure," John urged.

"I'm thirsty," Simon complained as he wiped his neck.

They had all paused to romp in the surf on their way in order to cool off. Suzannah waded in the clear water, Simon splashed about and Roger shot everyone with his water pistol. But even Sniffer's fur had dried out by now and they were all a bit dehydrated.

"I think we found it," Roger spoke up. Sure enough as they rounded a corner, a large sign proclaimed, "Compass Point Studios."

"At last," Simon gasped as they all trudged up the driveway.

"I want something to drink too," Suzannah agreed.

They all reached the door and John knocked wearily. After a long wait and repeated knocking the door was finally answered.

"Yes, it's open, you can come right on in," a receptionist opened the door.

"Oh," Suzannah realized as they all walked into the cool air condition. "We came to see the Wizard?"

"The Wizard?" the receptionist looked at all of them. "I'm afraid the Wizard doesn't see anybody."

"But she has to see us. We've come a long way," John insisted.

"I'm sorry," the girl waved her head. "That's just the way it is. The Wizard isn't just a wizard, she's a hermit."

"But Minda the Good sent her here. See, she's wearing the Witch of the East's pixie boots," Simon pointed to Suzannah's feet.

"Well, I guess if Minda sent you, it'll be ok. I think," she shrugged. "I'll go talk to her." Getting up she left the room.

"Boy, I can't wait. I'll get a body," John grinned animatedly.

"I'll be interesting," Roger spoke up.

"I'll be an actor," Simon stood up and looked inspiring.

"And I'll go home," Suzannah nodded. She was drowned out however by Simon's launching into a dramatic version of the "The Impossible Dream." He was soon halted as the receptionist returned and shook her head.

"I'm afraid she's not in."

"What do you mean, she's not in?" John demanded.

"That's what she said, she's not in," the receptionist shrugged and sat down again. They all looked at her.

"Now look here," Simon stood by her desk. "I came here to become an actor."

"I'm sorry," the girl shrugged again. The group looked at each other. Simon stalked out in indignation. After a moment or two the others followed him.

"What are we going to do?" Suzannah asked.

"We've got to do something," Simon agreed.

John looked thoughtful. "Sooner or later, someone's got to go in there. We'll just have to be ready to get inside when we get the chance."

"How will we do that?" Roger asked.

"I've got an idea," John grinned.

A few hours later a pizza delivery boy walked up the drive. "Now's our chance," John hissed as they all hid around the building's corner. As the delivery boy entered, the four hurried in after him, Suzannah brandishing her camera and pretending to snap pictures of every object in sight. John jabbered more than enough for all of them and Simon, while exclaiming over different objects manuevered them past the astounded receptionist who couldn't imagine where these Japanese tourists had come from.

"Where now?" Suzannah grabbed Simon's arm.

"Follow the pizza," John instructed. They all bobbed their heads and greeted each person they ran into while Suzannah stuck her camera into their faces. At last they made it through the building and upstairs to the Wizard's music room.

"Should we knock?" Simon asked.

Roger stepped up to the door and did so.

"Come in," they heard. Glancing at one another they opened the door and looked inside.

"Oh," the Wizard looked disapointed. "I thought you were my pizza boy. I told them I don't like green peppers on my pizza."

"You're the wizard?" Simon asked cautiously.

"Yes," she looked at the four. "Who are you?"

Simon nudged Suzannah. She stepped foward. "I'm Suzannah, and I was sent to see you by Minda the Good. She said you could help me."

"Why me?" the Wizard complained.

"She also said she had some cinammon rolls waiting for you," Suzannah recalled.

"Oh really?" the Wizard looked interested for the first time.

"This is John, and Simon, and Roger and my dog Sniffer. We all need your help."

The Wizard did not look very happy. "Uhm, well, what do you need?"

"I need to go home, to Union Park, with Sniffer. John wants a body. Roger wants to become interesting. Simon wants to become an actor."

"And Minda sent you to me?" the Wizard looked befuddled.

They all nodded. The Wizard cleared her throat.

"Well then, of course, that's what I must do," she said responsibly. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. "Come in," the Wizard almost sighed. The receptionist appeared.

"There's a message on the front door."

"What is it?"

"I think you'd better see it for yourself, M'am," the receptionist looked frightened.

Puzzled, they all followed the Wizard down to the front door. There, scrawled in lipstick were the words, "Surrender Suzannah, and that smelly mutt."

"You didn't tell me Nick was after you," the Wizard looked at Suzannah severely.

"He's after my red pixie boots. They used to belong to his twin. Minda gave them to me though."

"Minda does love to get into trouble," the Wizard shook her head. "Well, look. If you can do something for me, then I'll take care of your problems. If there's one thing that's concerned me here is Nick. He's smart, and he's dangerous. If you can get him out of circulation for me, I'll do this stuff for you."

"How are we going to do that?" Simon queried.

"That's your problem. I want you to bring me back his wardrobe book as proof. For a wizard, I have very sorry clothes taste," the Wizard looked down at her Mexican printed skirt and sloppy oversized red silk shirt. "and if there's one thing I have to say for him, he does know how to dress. Now go," she waved them off and returned to her room.

"This isn't what I expected," Simon told the others.

"Are we going to do it?" John asked.

"Where does he live?" Suzannah wondered.

"Balmoral Island," Roger intonated seriously.

"So that's 'de island', huh?" John said as he looked at the object in question.

"It looks pretty quiet. Deserted even," Simon commented.

Sniffer waded in and began dog paddling. Suzannah and Roger splashed in after him.

"What's that?" John pointed to an approaching object as he and Simon got in the water.

"Looks like a boat from the Catamaran cruises they run around the harbor," Simon replied as he shaded his eyes.

They were starting to catch up to Suzannah and Roger when Simon noticed that the cruise was closing in on them. Some of the boat's occupants began leaning over the side and calling out invitations.

"Hey, ey, you want to go to de island?"

"We're just out for a swim," Suzannah called back.

"Come on, dis is a real nice boat. You come to de island with us."

"Yeah, we sing you some Calypso, you have a good time. Come on," another called.

"Suzannah, no!" Roger warned her. "Those are Nick's people!"

"Suzannah!" John called too late as she was pulled aboard the boat.

"Hey! Let me go!" she yelled, a drenched Sniffer in her arms.

"The Catamaran's pulling away," Simon noted as Roger grabbed on to the boat's side. His grip was soon pounded off however and they were all left behind as John and Simon caught up.

"What are we going to do?" Simon gasped.

"What are we going to do about them?" Roger pointed to windsurfers that were fast approaching.

"Try to make it to the island. There's nothing else we can do. We certainly can't tread water here all day."

"Then let's swim for it," John gasped.

"What are you going to do with me?" Suzannah demanded as she clutched Sniffer to her.

"You don't matter, but it's those pixie boots I want," Nick told her.

"Then you can have them. Just let me and Sniffer go," Suzannah told him.

"I thought you'd see it my way," Nick smirked and reached to pull a boot off her left foot. To both their surprise he received an electrical shock and fell over backward.

"What happened?" Suzannah asked in amazement.

"Damn! I forgot. You can't take those things off until the day you die."

"What?" Suzannah sprang to her feet and almost dropped the dog. "I can't wear red pixie boots with all my outfits!"

"That's the way it is," Nick rubbed his hand, attempting to restore the feeling.

"Get these off!" Suzannah yelled.

"I can't," Nick grumbled. "The only way I can get them off is to kill you."

Suzannah sat down again. "I don't want them off that bad."

"Well, I do," Nick decided.

"You can't kill me, Minda won't let you," Suzannah said.

"Minda can't do a thing about it here in my castle. Besides, she's at a shoe sale, you'll never hear from her," Nick informed her. Turning an hourglass upside down beside his crystal ball he said "You have one hour."

"One hour!" Suzannah sprang to her feet again and this time did drop Sniffer. "You can't do this!"

Sniffer scrambled to his feet and ran out the open door.

"Stop that dog!" Nick yelled as he raced out of the room. Suzannah started to follow but he grabbed her and pushed her back in her chair. "Oh no you don't. One hour, and I'll be back." Nick then exited the door and locked it behind him.

"Run Sniffer! Run!!" Suzannah yelled as she pounded on the door.

Sniffer was doing just that. Since he was a small dark dog, he managed to get past most of Nick's guards without their noticing him. As he started across the drawbridge however, several guards began throwing hairbrushes at him as they raised the drawbridge. Undaunted, Sniffer jumped from the rising platform and scurried away.

"If I had known when I got up this morning that I'd be run over by a windsurfer, be tramping for hours in the sun, be sent to steal a witch's wardrobe book, and be insulted by a receptionist, I don't think I'd have bothered to get up," Simon groused.

"Lucky for us it's too late for them to find us in the dark," John agreed as he wrung out his shirt and put it back on.

"But how are we going to find Nick's castle in the dark?" Simon wondered.

"I hear something," Roger shushed them both. In the silence he and the other two heard yaps.

"It's Sniffer," Simon realized.

"He always was a noisy sod," Roger agreed.

Sniffer came bounding into the clearing.

"Where's Suzannah?" John asked. Sniffer panted for a few moments, yapped, then started heading back into the woods.

"Come on," Simon called as they hurried after him.

Suzannah sat nervously, watching the hour glass.

"I've got to get out of here," she decided. Getting up, she tried the door yet again, but it was too big for her to budge. Discouraged, she flopped down by the crystal ball.

"Ohhhhhh, I want to go home," she whined, leaning against it. To her fascination, a face began to form in the glass. "Auntie Em?" she asked, puzzled. "Auntie Em?" she began to shout. "Auntie Em!"

"What? I can't hear you?"

"Uncle Henry? Uncle Henry, it's Suzannah! Is Auntie Em there?"

"Eh? No, she's a sleeping."

"For God's sake, Uncle Henry, wake her up. It's me, Suzannah!"

"I can't understand this at all! Who is this?"

"Uncle Henry, it's Suzannah! No! Don't take the phone off the hook!"

"Uncle Henry, Uncle Henry," Nick repeated as his face replaced her uncle's. "The deaf old geezer isn't going to do you any good," Nick sniped as he faded out.

"You little fairy! Come back here and take it like a man!" Suzannah stormed. "Maybe I'll die, but I'm going to leave you something to remember me by!"

She went over to his closets and threw the doors open. With vicious satisfaction, she began tearing the arms off all his silk chemises, and trampling his jackets. As she pulled a hat off the closet shelf, she was nearly hit by a heavy object. Looking it over, she realized it was his fashion catalog. Unwilling to give up now, she began rolling about the floor, trying to pull off her boots.

"Who are those guards?" John squinted as the four gathered at the castle.

"I don't know," Simon looked at them. "They look like...hairdressers."

"They are hairdressers," Roger confirmed.

"Well," Simon shrugged, "try to look snobbish and swan a lot."

"I'm not going to do that," Roger protested.

"Suzannah needs our help. What's more important? Her or your pride?"

Roger looked at the hairdressers and considered.

Minutes later the three moved through the castle.

"This is getting to be a bit much. I feel ridiculous," Simon hissed to John as they swanned through a room and met Sniffer at the stairs.

"Think of it as a new role," John told him as he batted his eyes and flipped a wrist.

"You look weird," Simon told him uncomfortably.

"Dahling," John grinned.

"Let me out of here you degenerate twerp!" Suzannah yelled from the door above.

"By George, I think we've found her," John commented as Sniffer raced up the stairs.

"Suzannah! We're here! We'll get you out," Simon called in the door. "How are we going to get her out?" he murmured to Roger.

"We'll break down the door," John said, testing it.

"What about this?" Roger wielded a heavy block with abstract designs on it.

"What is that? It looks like...television interference," Simon noted.

"Ok," John nodded, and Simon bent to help Roger pick it up.

"Stand back, Suzannah. We're coming in," Simon called.

"One, two, three," John counted as they heaved themselves and the sculpture against the door.

"It's loosening," Suzannah called.

"Again, one, two, three," John repeated. Again the door splintered a little further. Dropping the sculpture, the three battered at it until they forced it open.

"I thought you'd never get here," Suzannah greeted them with hugs.

"We might not have, if it weren't for Sniffer," Simon told her.

"Yes, that mutt has crossed my path once too often," Nick spoke from the stairway below. "I shall enjoy getting rid of him." Standing with him were an army of his guards.

The four began looking for escape routes.

"Let's split up," John whispered. "Roger and I will try those stairs," he nodded his head.

Simon caught on. Seeing the rope to the chandelier, he took out his sword, slashed the rope, and grabbed it.

"Come on, Suzannah," he said, grabbing her around the waist and sitting on the balcony edge.

"Don't let them get away!" Nick yelled at the guards coming up the stairs.

"Now," Simon said. Holding on to him, Suzannah felt herself dropping as the chandelier swung up towards the ceiling and they dropped down to the floor below. Some of the guards turned towards them, as did Nick. The rest of the guards followed John and Roger as they hurried down the landing and headed up the stairs to the roof, Sniffer following.

A wild chase ensued. Suzannah and Simon ran through the first floor, dodging hairdressers, cooks, chauffeurs in Billy Idol hairstyles, women in lingerie and other assorted characters. John and Roger, meanwhile, stayed one step ahead of hairdresser guards waving blowdryers and chirping, "I'll singe your ends!", while trying not to trample Sniffer underfoot or catch themselves in the twists and turns of the parapets.

Tired from all the unnatural exertion, Nick decided to stop and observe things from the video monitors. Tuning into the sitting room, he saw Suzannah and Simon dash across the screen. A few moments later, Simon came running back in, and, seeing some guards, headed up the stairs. Seconds later, John, Roger and Sniffer came running down. John went left, Roger and Sniffer went right. Then Suzannah ran across the screen again, nearly running into John. The two hid in a closet. Hairdressers ran past. Roger came running into the room with Sniffer in his arms. He headed up the stairs.

Suzannah and John emerged from the closet and ran back to the left. Nick shook his head and plunged back into the fray.

"Hold it!" John cried as he, Simon and Suzannah ran through the music room. "I dropped my contact lens!"

"What?" Suzannah said.

"Help me look for it," John dropped to his knees.

"I didn't even know you wore contact lenses," Suzannah complained as she started searching beside him. The three pawed the carpet. In another few moments, Roger came puffing in with Sniffer.

"It's the guards!" John looked up.

"It's Roger and the dog," Simon told him dryly. "John lost a contact lens," Simon explained.

"We can't stay and look for it. They're right behind me," Roger countered.

"If we try and bring John with us we'll have him running into every art object in the house," Simon sighed. Roger got down on his hands and knees as well.

"I found it!" John suddenly sprang up in delight, peering at his finger.

As they all looked up they realized they were completely surrounded by the feet of the guards, pointing blowdryers at them.

"Such a spirit of cooperation," Nick said, with arms folded. "It makes my heart bleed."

"Thanks a lot," Simon, Suzannah and Roger chorused as they glared at John. He shrugged sheepishly. One of the guards sprang forward with a giggle and pointed the hairdryer at him on high. Nick rolled his eyes.

"Oh, will you knock it off?"

Backed into a circle, the five faced the guards. Snatching out his sword, Simon called, "Have at thee, villain!" Sniffer growled and bared his teeth. Roger reached inside his pocket and pulled out his water pistol, then discarded it for his drumsticks. Seeing the water pistol on the floor, Suzannah snatched it up. As the guards closed in, she squirted it in Nick's face.

"No!" he cried in horror. "No, don't!"

Puzzled, Suzannah squirted the full contents at him.

"No! I'm melting! My face is melting!" he cried, hands to dribbling foundation.

Simon turned to Suzannah wearily.

"This is the silliest story I've ever been in."

"We can always write you out of it," she smiled smugly.

Simon silenced himself huffily.

John hurried out of the room and soon returned with a vase full of water. He dumped the contents on Nick, who now sat, drenched, on the floor, looking very much like a waterlogged squirrel.

"You miserable girl," he whined.

"Oh, stop blubbering," a voice silenced him.

"Minda! Where did you come from?" Suzannah asked.

"Like my shoes?" she smiled. "I thought I'd better check up on you. Claudia told me you'd be here."

"What are we going to do with him?" Simon pointed at Nick.

"Well, we could do a lot of things with him," Minda tapped her fingers together and smiled. "None of them very nice."

Nick remained huddled on the floor.

"I've got an idea," Minda said. "A perfect plan for such an art critic."

She walked to another room and soon returned.

"Ok, put him in there, Roger."

Roger picked up Nick, who began to squall and kick as Roger carried him into the next room. Curious, the others followed.

"That's nasty," Suzannah looked up at Minda.

"I know," Minda smiled contentedly. Nick sat in the padded room, bound in a straightjacket. The room's only content was a familiar painting on the wall.

"You can't do this to me!" he protested. "That's the most awful painting I've ever seen! It's vile! It's...it's..."

"It's the one from "Careless Memories"," Minda smiled as she closed the door. Turning to the weary group, she said, "You'd better get that fashion catalog and go. I left Claudia with lots of cinnamon rolls. I'm sure she'll be perfectly pleasant now."

"Oh, you're back," Claudia noted as she wiped her fingers on a paper napkin. "Got the catalog, I see."

"Here it is," Suzannah presented it to her. She and Minda perused it. "Rather interesting this," Claudia nodded. "Ooooh, look at that," she pointed out another illustration to Minda.

Simon cleared his throat noisily. The Wizard and Minda looked up.

"Uh, excuse us, but, could you grant our wishes now?" John asked.

"Your wishes," the Wizard looked uncomfortable. "Could it wait until tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?" Simon looked exasperated. "Why tomorrow?"

The Wizard fingered her earlobe. "Well, uh," she paused, suddenly irritated, and jumped up. "Because, dammit, I'm not a wizard!"

"Not a wizard!" Suzannah exclaimed.

"No, I'm not and I really wish people would shut up about it."

"Well, why did you say you were a wizard?" Suzannah said indignantly.

"I didn't. Everyone else did. I'm tired of it. Ever since I was in grade school everyone always thought I was smart and talented and this and that and I'm really not Do you know that I almost failed math? And I used to write, so everyone kept saying that someday I'd be a great writer," the Wizard ranted. "Hah! Can you imagine me sitting moribund, next to a typewriter for the rest of my life, always looking for a storyline? Pure hell, I'll tell you."

"You mean you can't do anything special?" John asked disheartedly.

"No, I can't. I'm just an ordinary person, ok?"

There was silence in the room. The Wizard sat huffily, arms crossed.

"Oh, come on, Claudia," Minda coaxed. "You managed to correct Melanie's papers without screaming. You wrote a paper for Alesia on a book you didn't even read. You wrote your 103 midterm on a question you still don't understand. You can help these kids out."

The Wizard nodded her head from side to side in reluctant acknowledgment.

"I guess I can try," she grumbled. "What did you need again?"

Looking around at the others, John stepped forward.

"I wanted a body."

The Wizard regarded what he had. Then after looking him over once more, she said, "Where's a mirror?"

One appeared in Minda's hand.

"Show off," Claudia looked up at her. "Take a look in the mirror, John. Tell me what you see."

"Lots of teeth," he replied.

"That's true, but you've also got a real nice looking face. With the pickings as slim as they are nowadays, few women are going to complain about a tall, handsome man. With your face every fourteen year old in the country will think you're God, and they'll match your mental age. Just don't take off your shirt in public. Now," she turned to Simon, "what about you?"

"I want to be an actor."

"And why can't you be?"

"I never get any good parts," Simon replied.

"Do you write?" she asked him.

"Poetry, yes."

"Write your own parts. Do something with your poetry. You have a good speaking voice. Become a man of mystery, of seduction, of glamor. Believe me, when you're famous you'll get people to offer you anything. Look at Vanna White. You may even find there are things that will satisfy you more than acting."

"I want to be interesting," Roger spoke next.

"And why don't you think you're interesting?"

"People think I'm boring. They ignore me."

"What you need is something to call attention to you, something that will be talked about. Minda tells me that you drum well. Keep that up, take a high-profile job, hang around publicity minded musicians, and people will think you're the greatest thing since... John."

"Sniffer and I need to get home," Suzannah explained.

"Oh? Where do you live?"

"Union Park, Florida."

"Where's that?"

"Near Orlando."

"No kidding? I'm from Orlando myself, originally."

"Can you get us home?"

"Well, yes. I haven't seen Ma and Da in a while, so I'll go home and take you with me. There's a cruise going out of here tomorrow."

"In the meantime, I'll have a send-off party at my place," Minda announced. "Everyone's invited."

Minda's party was a raging success. Everyone had a chance to try on their new personas, and became rather satisfied with the Wizard's pronouncements. It also, however, made everyone a bit tardy for the cruise's departure the next morning.

Due to her great concern with the proper appearance, Suzannah and Sniffer were actually the last to arrive (shortly preceded by Simon.)

"I guess it's time to say good-bye," Suzannah told them. Looking at the cruise ship, she complained, "I have no idea why I'm going back. Here I stand, in the slow paradise of Yellowbird, surrounded by three of the most talented, beautiful and interesting men I've ever met in my life, the likes of which I'll never find in Florida. And I'm turning my back on all this?"

"Sorry dear, you knew that going into the story. Contractual obligations," Minda reminded her.

Reluctantly, Suzannah turned to Simon.

"Simon, I'm going to miss you. The way you draw your sword, the way you roll your eyes around and flail your arms and legs, and spittle out verses of Shakespeare." She kissed him on the cheek. "Good luck to you, Simon."

Simon, in sunglasses and a silk scarf, took Suzannah's hand and said solemnly, "I am dying, Egypt, dying; only I here importune death a while until of the many thousand kisses the poor last I lay upon thy lips."

Suzannah nodded as Simon continued, and she turned to Roger.

"I'm going to miss you too, Roger. I think you proved at the party last night that you can be as interesting as anyone on this island. Everyone was talking about you...and Simon. You're the most perfect example of a Taurus I've seen. You don't say very much, you don't make any false moves, but you've got the most offbeat sense of humor in Yellowbird," she grinned and also gave him a kiss.

"I'll miss you too," he smiled back.

"I am dying, Egypt, dying. Give me some wine and let me speak a little..."

"John, I'm really going to miss you. I can't think of anything else to say to you that isn't dirty."

John threw back his head and laughed. Then, grinning impishly, he leaned forward and whispered in her ear. The pack of girls still surrounding him from the night before, looked restless.

"Minda, thanks for all your help. I wish I was staying here," Suzannah went on. "I think we could have gotten along great. We have the same interests, men and shoes." Suzannah gave her a hug. Before Minda could reply, however, the ship's horn blared loudly and the Wizard made hurried farewells with Minda herself.

"Come on, we've got to board," the Wizard called to Suzannah.

"I'm coming!" Suzannah called, and started up the gangplank. "Wait! have you seen Sniffer? He was right here."

"No, I haven't," Minda looked around. "Where is he?"

"Sniffer? Sniffer!" Suzannah called. "I can't leave without him," she said and hurried back off the boat. "Has anyone seen him?"

Everyone immediately split up, looking for him. When Suzannah found him at last, and raced back to the dock, she found herself watching the boat leaving.

"What happened? Where was he?" Simon asked her.

"He went to buy duty free liquor," she complained. "What am I going to do now?" she asked Minda.

"I'd go ahead and use the pixie boots," Minda looked down at them.

"That's right. What do these things do, anyway?"

"For one thing, they can take you anywhere you want to go and make you whatever you want to be."

"Are you serious?" Suzannah looked at her. "Why didn't anyone tell me this before?"

"You didn't ask," Minda shrugged. Suzannah made a face.

"Well, what do I do?" she asked.

"Do you know yet what you want to be?" Minda said. Suzannah was

thoughtful for a few moments, seeming to waver in her choices. Then she nodded slowly, and smiled.

"Yes," she said.

"Click your heels together three times and say 'It's about time, It's about time, It's about time,'," Minda recited.

Suzannah did so. With a feeling of flying backwards she found herself dizzy -- so dizzy that when she came to, she wasn't quite sure where she was.

"Suzannah, what is this business of sleeping so late? You're going to be late for work, get up."

"Auntie Em?" Suzannah sat up cautiously.

"Come on. Breakfast is on the table and Jorge's already complaining about the time," her aunt left the room.

Suzannah looked out her window in wonder.

"It really is New York!"

She dressed and hurried into the kitchen where her Uncle Henry was on the phone to the Colgate/Palmolive company.

"If you hurry, I'll drop you off on my way to the UN building," her Auntie Em told her.

"How do you like working there?" Suzannah gulped down her coffee.

"The Security Council is not democratic. The big ones have right of veto and what they don't want discussed is not discussed. I'm going to incite the smaller countries to rebel and we're going to start such a blockade in the UN that the others are going to have to listen," her aunt said firmly.

"Right," Suzannah nodded.

Suzannah strolled into the fashion studio offices.

"Hi, Suzannah," Roger greeted her. "The models are in make-up right now."

"Oh, good. I have to look over the proposed shoot one more time," Suzannah greeted him in return. "Is the photographer here?"

"She's setting up," Roger confirmed.

Walking into the studio, Suzannah passed by the make-up tables.

"Hi, said one of the two men there. He winked at her. The other tried to keep his face still while smiling.

"Good morning, Simon. Hello, John," Suzannah greeted them both.

"Suzannah, before we start, there was something I wanted to go over with you," Claudia pulled her aside as an assistant loaded some film.

"Well, is this what you had in mind?" Minda asked Suzannah from a corner of the room.

"As long as it's not Union Park," Suzannah nodded back at her.

"I thought so. See you around," Minda waved and winked out.

"Are you going to continue the red pixie boot line?" Claudia asked.

"I think so," Suzannah agreed. "You just never can tell where that might take me."