Bill's Alternative Versions of
Why Can't We Be Friends

(I am rebelling against the term "alternative"; hence, I've decided to show examples of what makes a song "alternative".....)
 

Why Can't We Be Friends
Alternative Prostitute Version

Why can't we be friends (4x)

I called ya I called ya I called ya very pretty sexy chick
You hit me you hit me you hit me really hard on my cheek

Why can't we be friends (4x)

I seen ya I seen ya I seen ya selling yourself in the street
I called ya I called ya I called ya but you just stared at your feet
You went in you went in you went inside a dark black limousine
Telling me telling me telling me that it is not a sin

Why can't we be friends (4x)

Your sexual your sexual your sexual preferences don't matter to me
As long as as long as as long as we don't practice promiscuity
I kinda I kinda I kinda like to be your partner-to-be
And I could and I could and I could show you the love that's in me

Why can't we be friends (4x)

The things I do are sometimes extreme
Always going further than what they do seem
I know you're working for a cold-heart pimp
One night you'll find him walking with a limp

Why can't we be friends (4x)
 

Why Can't We Be Friends
Alternative Drug-Addict Version

Why can't we be friends (4x)

I called ya I called ya I called ya a bum and crack-smoking addict
I really I really I really remember when you were not sick

Why can't we be friends (4x)

I know that I know that I know that you live in a crummy pad
I called ya I called ya I called ya so that you will not be sad
I told ya I told ya I told ya to come to watch a movie
I heard the I heard the I heard the phone drop and I heard you pee

Why can't we be friends (4x)

What you feel what you feel what you feel about those dopes like crack
I don't care I don't care I don't care as long as you get off your back
I kinda I kinda I kinda like to help you get your life in gear
Don't worry don't worry don't worry there's really nothing to fear

Why can't we be friends (4x)

When I see you put those poisons within
I feel the venom creeping in my skin
I know you're buying from sources unknown
Your door will fall soon and to jail you're thrown

Why can't we be friends (4x)
 

Why Can't We Be Friends
Alternative Homosexual Version

Why can't we be friends (4x)

I seen ya I seen ya I seen ya kiss and hug a guy at a bar
I really I really I really remember when you kissed your girl in my car

Why can't we be friends (4x)

I seen ya I seen ya I seen ya buying a gay porno mag
You then cried you then cried you then cried when the clerk called you a fag
I shoulda I shoulda I shoulda said something insulting at him
But then I but then I but then I got and threw a long Slim Jim

Why can't we be friends (4x)

I freaked out I freaked out I freaked out when you admitted it to me
But it was but it was but it was just male insecurity
I kinda I kinda I kinda wanna make it up to you
Here's the pro here's the pro here's the prophylactics the color's up to you

I'm just kidding by the way...
Why can't we be friends (4x)

Sometimes I say things that are obscene
But I won't judge you and say that's a sin
I know you're hurting from those jerk-off fools
Look at them playing with those toys and tools

Why can't we be friends (4x)
 

Why Can't We Be Friends
Alternative Handicapped Version

Why can't we be friends (4x)

I seen ya I seen ya I seen ya crying and hiding from me
I did not I did not I did not see the leg below your knee

Why can't we be friends (4x)

I heard ya I heard ya I heard ya saying that you have your legs
You then say you then say you then say that you are part of the dregs
I tell ya I tell ya I tell ya that I'm glad you are alive
You get mad you get mad you get mad and tell me that it's a lie

Why can't we be friends (4x)

I seen ya I seen ya I seen ya playing baseball with the kids
Ball never ball never ball never landing on their little mitts
The punks came the punks came the punks came then begin to call you names
They found out they found out they found out that I can make them also lames

Why can't we be friends (4x)

Sometimes I get a bit insensitive
Positive speaking turning negative
That part of you I cannot get back
Me on your side we shall get back on track

Why can't we be friends (4x)
 
 

I hope you dudes and dudettes enjoyed these. These are not stellar versions by any means. As you can see, it doesn't take a lot of skill to rip off other people's music...Ya hear me Smack and Puff Daddy???!!! ;-)

Well, okay, so maybe Puff Daddy is not that bad.....
 
 
 

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