PET NAMES

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PET NAMES

Just when I thought everything would be okay
Just when I started to believe that everything was going my way
Out came the cloud from under my feet
Crashing back down to reality

You used to call me pumpkin now I'm Halloween
Remember when I used to be your jelly bean
You used to call me schnookums and s*** like that
Now you're after me with a baseball bat

I remember when I used to be the king
Your honey sweety darling baby everything
I used to be your tall dark mystery man
Now I'm just straight up history man

Just when I thought everything would be alright
Just when I started to believe that everything was out of sight
You left me with nothing but a scribbled note
That said I would no longer be your love boat
From here on out my pet name would be X
Your X your X your X

It used to be sugar then it turned into salt
I used to rock your world now I'm standing on a fault line
Lying naked in a hail storm in the dark
You're my little tornado and I am your trailer park
You used to call me names too cute to repeat
Like honey bunch hairy bear and piccolo peet
Goochy goochy goo gaga s*** like that
Now you're after me screaming you dirty rat

I don't remember applying for a name change
So why is it you're calling me Mister Deranged
Psycopathic pornographic stinking drunk
Failing fast lying ass worthless punk

You used to call me sweety pie and baby doll
I guess another stud's kicking in my stall
You'll probably call him superman or loverboy
You'll probably disregard him like a broken toy

Just when he thought everything was going his way
Just when he started to believe that everything was hunky dory
He'll look at that cloud that he's standing on
And with an itsy bitsy teeny little almost inaudible squeak
He'll notice
It's gone

From here on out his pet name would be X
Your X your X your X

Sweety pie?
No X
Honey bunch?
No X
Bubble butt?
No X
Pumpkin face?

 

 

[CONFESSION: I had an ex, so I can definitely relate...]

In my opinion, “Beer Goggles,” “Heave-Ho,” and “Pet Names” are great songs to just mosh to. They’re all very cathartic in certain respects...

Anyway, on to “Pet Names”:

First of all, if you were wondering why I would occasionally say “goochy goochy goo gaga s*** like that,” well, I got it from this song.

Basically this song is soaking wet with sarcasm and it is just plain magnificent. It’s such a rocking good tune that you forget the narrator is po’ed since he had just gotten dumped by a girlfriend who would call him things like “honey bunch, hairy bear, and piccolo peet.” (1)

Hmm, like “Heave-Ho,” I guess this is pretty much self-explanatory.
 
 
 

footnotes:
(1) what in god’s name is a “piccolo peet”???(a) for some reason i'm thinking that it is either a tube-shaped wafer snack or that green bug character in the cool anime, dragonball z.

shrilly notes:
(a) suzette dearing, a real funny gal, informed me what a "Piccolo Pete" is:
they are a type of fireworks people can buy (as opposed to those that can only be sold to licensed exhibitors). it's been a while since i've seen one, but as i recall, they are about 6 or so inches tall cylindrical, a half inch in diameter, on a small stand. you light the fuse on the top, and as they burn they shoot out a stream of sparks while making a high, shrilling sound that lasts past the point of pain.
 
 
 

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