Personal Ads for the Extremely Deranged and Perverted
Any ad that is submitted will be linked to the Email address
of the person who submitted it. Unless you really suck and I think you
are stupid, I will post any ad that is sent to me. To post your ad, simply
submit
it.
HANDSOME EXECUTIVE, 38, HAS SOWED HIS OATS AND IS READY TO SETLLE
DOWN. But the woman who's my wife has to be perfect; I figure it's
beter to be fussy now rather than down the road a couple of years when
I realize I've sacrificed too much. And so you must have: a smile like
Glenda from the typing pool; legs like Sally from Wilkes-Barre; breasts
like Linda from college days; an ass like Mark from my softball team; lips
and a mustache like Ed the bouncer at The Toolbox; and a muscular rectum
with a pulpy, eggy core like Bill from the gym. Number
1
IF YOU'VE GOT BUTTOCKS LIKE KETTLE-DRUMS AND YOU'RE A SLOPPY
WIPER: Please mail Mr.
Colon-Auger . I'll make each and every one of your bowel polyps throb
like a clitoris on its best day with the insatiable sigmoidoscope of my
anaconda tongue, until your asscrack looks like a split-fried frankfurter
and your butthole is sore and scabby like a baby starfish. I also crave
the chew-meat hanging off the ample and flaccid heinies of the Senior Rockettes,
and there's something about hearing the word "anus" through a bullhorn
that maks me desperate for physical love. Nonsmokers only.
"Looking for wealthy Elderly Man with no living relatives"
If you are on life support that's a bonus. I will give you the best last
days of your life. I will tell you things that we have done in bed in the
hopes that you believe me. Please contact me asap so I can have my attorney
draw up the neccessary paperwork. My hobbies include Carjacking and disconnecting
life support systems. Hope to hear from you. With love,Your future widow.
Princess
Natalie
"Searching for the perfect boy" lonely 18-year-old
ghoul seeking slightly psychotic boy with nice toes. Boy emcompasses any
male ages 13 - 40ish. Looking for a boy who'll talk only to me and only
when i tell him. Must enjoy phonecalls and/or cyberchatting late night/
early morning every day. Be willing to ignore everything i say on the 13th
of every month. My hobbies including gluing scraps of paper to my bedroom
walls, crying at 2am every morning, collecting lizards in a jar, and playing
with a cowboy named Roadkill Ranger Bob on a regular basis. the spork queen,
goddessmoira@tripod.net
(email forwarding service)
"Looking for 3 holed object to please Mayhem Brew." Must
have a 2-3inch(mutiply by 1.6 for metric) diameter and be at LEAST 10 inchesdeep.
SMOOTHNESS IS A PLUS! BOWLERS NEED NOT APPLY! For pictures of
Mayhem Brew and cyber-nipples visit: http://ccwf.cc.utexas.edu/~mbrew
