Vacu-Schlong, inc.
"Hang like a horse"
Hello, my name is Weasle Face. I want to tell you about my
company. Vacu-Schlong is a respected name in the industry, and has been
in business for 17 years. It was founded by Chinese banker, Tie-Nee Wong.
I liked the product so much, I bought the company!
"I'm not only the President, I'm a client!"
Product Info
Our best seller, the "Enhance-O-Matic" boasts a 37 h.p. 220V triple
phase electric motor, the same electric motor used in most saw mills. Reverse
the motor, and this model doubles as a leaf blower, and can inflate car
tires. Variable enhancement settings from 1-18 inches. $299.99
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The "Slurp-O-Matic" under-desk system is ideal for the dorm or
office. Whisper quiet operation makes this our most discreet model. Features
a wireless remote control, timer, and security code protection. $189.99
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Our small, sporty "Auto-Mate" uses a 12 volt re-chargeable
system. Comes with it's own handy carrying case. This model is perfect
for those long trips, and it's great at the beach. Weighing in at only
23 pounds, it's much easier to drag around than your wife. Optional electro-shock
low battery warning system available. $159.99
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"The Guzzler" is our high-tech collection system. It is an accessory
that can be attached to all of our models. Why let it go to waste? We've
included the 'Richard Simmons Guzzler Protein Shake Recipe Book'. This
system features the finest in semen harvesting technologies- auto shut
off when full, self-cleaning nozzle, double o-ring connection hose, and
the container is dishwasher/ microwave/ refrigerator safe! $89.99
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