*Okay first off. I'll tell ya the story behind my writing of this "truth." See it was during the first run of the clone episodes on TNN, which happened to be just before my exams in college. So I was stressed out and was going through Bo and Luke withdrawal. This was wrote during a break I had school, actually there was one before it but that paper is currently lost and this is actually the whole story. So one important thing to know first is that the "clones" are aliens.*

     You already know the truth that Coy and Vance are really alien pods with a plot to conquer the world, but you do not know the whole story. Now it is time to let the whole truth be known about these aliens, their plans for world domination, and their feeble attempts at being Dukes.
     These aliens are from the planet Clonute. They are from a race called Ugugs. They are horrible grotesque creatures, and are a very savage race. These aliens send out agents to take over other worlds and turn the planets inhabitants into mindless slaves. First the aliens survey the life forms on the planet. To do this they abduct two of the planet's inhabitants and take their form and then try to blend into the culture, by faking they are these life forms. Then they bring in their warriors to crush any resistance and turn remaining life forms into slaves. You may still be wondering about when I said that these aliens were grotesque, just how grotesque I meant. Well, it is really hard to describe just how hideous these creatures are, but I will try.
     They have huge heads, with wide red eyes, long pointy noses, big mouths with sharp teeth, and small ears. Their bodies are small, and they have long lanky arms and legs. Their skin is green and their hair is long and straggly, and looks like dead grass. They are more ugly then any words in the human language can possibly come close to describe. The only emotions that they know are hate and bitterness. They can only talk in monotone. Dang, it is sure hard to describe just how horrible these aliens are. They are so horrible looking that just the mere sight of one could drive a normal person crazy, that theres the truth. (Good thing Bo and Luke ain't normal people.)
     Then one day these aliens decided to put their plans in motion to conquer the planet Earth. They sent two of their agents, (the two most ugly) to do the job. The first human life they found was Bo and Luke Duke in the General Lee (of course you know that Duke luck of theirs) so they zapped them into the spaceship and zapped the General Lee to the Duke farm. They tried to take Bo and Luke's form, but the Dukes being so cute and the aliens being so ugly, they failed miserably, they were still ugly as ugly can be. The aliens realized that even with hypnotising everyone they still had no chance of being able to pass themselves off as Bo and Luke. So they decided to change their plan to say that they were Coy and Vance Duke, cousins of Bo and Luke (how anyone could think these two were Dukes is beyond me, but I guess they were hypnotised.) These aliens knew nothing about humans, and so they zapped Bo and Luke's minds to try to understand the human race. The took Bo and Luke's past and said it was their own life story. These aliens however could not understand about the human emotion of caring about someone other then themselves, and they decided that, that was nor very important in understanding the human race. The aliens hid their spaceship in the Chalktae Indian Caves. They hypnotized Hazzard County into believing they were Coy and Vance Duke. It took a lot of extra hypnotising to convince uncle Jesse and Daisy Duke that they were Coy and Vance Duke, cousins that used to live in Hazzard. If that was not bad enough they made them think life was better without Bo and Luke and not even think of them (I mean J.D. Hogg talked more about them.)
     They placed a huge force field around all of Hazzard so that the minds of anyone entering would fall under the spell, and not remember anything after they left.
     The aliens disguised their shuttle to look like a car, but soon after it was destroyed, due to the aliens lack of driving skills. So they took over the General Lee (poor General) and then started to call it their car (I mean as if, Bo and Luke built the General from the ground up, the town must really been hypnotised not to see through that.)
     These aliens are egotistical, self-centred pompous jerks, nothing like a real Duke at all. The aliens could not grasp the concept of caring about someone else, and they placed other's lives in danger to save their own necks. They scare easy, if someone starts shooting at them they turn tail and run, (they do a horrible 180.) They don't care what happens to the other one at all, they only thing they care about is their own neck. They don't even be sure that the other is okay if something happens. They are void of any caring at all. They do not have a full grasp of how to talk or what to say when. They excessively call each other cuz and partner, this is to keep the town hypnotised into believing that is what they are. They still can only talk in monotone. They try to YEE-HAW, but it is so flat. They are not very bright at all (Bo looks like a super genius in comparison.) So they just use old Luke plans to get out of trouble, although they can't get the plans to work just quite as well as Bo and Luke could (of course.)
     In a feeble attempt to be Bo and Luke clones they dress like them. These aliens can not act at all and also they can't sing at all either (Not like Bo and Luke they are great at play acting and are great singers.) The aliens Coy and Vance are always taking their off their shirts at stupid times, like to change a tire, this doesn't help their looks at all, it makes them uglier. The alien pods can not smile and when they do it looks more like a malicious grin. They can not laugh either, their attempt at laughter sounds dark and sinister.
     The alien's plan was working perfectly, they were getting ready to send in the warriors, then Bo and Luke escaped. They saw through these aliens ploy and beat them into the ground. The aliens fled in fear, and called off the attack saying the resistance was too strong. Soon as the alien's spaceship left everyone forgot all about Coy and Vance, even Bo and Luke forgot (the only one that remembered was General Lee.)
     The evil spell was broken, life went back to normal in Hazzard County. That is as normal as life can be in Hazzard County. The true Duke boys were back, the lost sheep returned to Hazzard, YEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAW!!
     This is all true, it is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It is the whole Coy and Vance story that can be told, just how horrible and ugly Coy and Vance actually are can not be told due to censorship laws. There is no morale to the story, just the truth hat Bo and Luke are the only true Duke boys and nothing can change that. Stay ever happy and keep between the ditches.