JOECROWTHERS: "You send me cash....I buy beer.....The system works" |
rogeemoto: We'll never let Carlton sell our house! We belong here, FOREVER! |
Shifter: "I'm actually wearing a plain white shirt, but I'm so successful I was able to pay your own brain to see plaid." |
jodea: Dont make me have to use this belt on you... |
TravisBickle: So I say to Carlton, "How do I know you're not ripping me off?" and he looks at me with frank Booth eyes and says "Don't fuck with Daddy!" |
keogh: "You will bow before my dark power. Here, have a brochure." |
TravisBickle: "Wait, I can't move my hand! You're not the pillow guy! Carlton, is that you?" "Yes, and now you will get the world famous "Sheets shagging" you deserve!" |
bosko: Looks like someone is obssesed with Carleton! There's even photos of him taking a shower |
Hippie: Carleton provides the cardboard standups. YOU provide the shit-eatin' grin! |
Hippie: More Carleton Sheets' Math Made Simple: Your $ + Your Ignorance = :) Carleton |
Artanas: Sheets and Sinbad, appearing this week at Joe's Bar and Grill |
Hippie: Carleton pinches pennies by taping his program over all his Toto cassettes. |
Hippie: I KNEW IT! Carleton still has a day job at Wendy's! |
JoeCrow: "Not now Missy, I'm trying to pitch Mongo" |
Hippie: A blow for the forces of good everywhere is struck when Carleton sits on his own nuts! |
Artanas: "See? See what I have done to your beloved Shaquille?" |
Jazzsoda: "I'm disturbed by the increasing tide of captions revolving around the size of my penis! This must stop! What's that? Never came up... Well, good thing!" |
Occupant: Why don't you people tell me when you shellac the desk? Stop giggling! |
keogh: "What happened?" "Took a spill on the curb." "Oh. Well, I...hey! That answer makes sense! You're no plum fairy!" "Aw, shoot, ya got me mister! It's me, Carelton Sheets. Hi, gang!" |
Hippie: Step 1, lick your palms. It seems silly, but you look like you really have a fever. Ha! It isn't Ferris Bueller at all,fools! It's me, Carleton Sheets! Hi gang! |
Seltaeb: Wait...that's not loveable Ed Grimley practicing the triangle. It's Carleton Sheets! "Hi there, I must say!" |
keogh: "Well, Santa, I guess I'd like a weed-whacker and...hey, that beard is hung over your ears!" "S'right, Ace! It's not Kringle, it's Carelton Sheets! Hi, gang!" |
Artanas: "Oh, what's this? 'No Down Payment'?" "Open it grandpa!" "Okay.....*woosh*, SHEETS!" "Hey gang!" |
Hippie: Carleton, you fiend... this contraption can't hold me forever! You expect me to talk? *No, Mr. Beefcake, I expect you to PAY!!! HA HA HA HA! |
Artanas: "Yes, I understand mister Cheets. Go back in time, erase conversation with Buchanan. Right away mister Cheets." "Dammit! It's Sheets! Now go!" |
Hippie: I got da bomb for you, Mr. Cheets--these home calendars I made on my computer, with me shirtless--DEY da BOMB, Mr. Cheets! *Goddamn you, idiot! It's Cheets! |
Hippie: Damn you to hell! It's SHEETS! Now you've got me doing it! |
keogh: "Chapter 15: Call me 'Cheets' and I'll wear your balls for a necklace." |
Cerg: "It's shaped so blacks are a minority in every district..." |
Hippie: The Carleton Sheets Publication *Sorry, will not come to your door. |
KINGDINOSAUR "Is that old bastard still outside? I'm afraid to look." |
Hippie Bob Dole thanks Carleton Sheets for the dandelion test. Now that Mr. Sheets is convinced of Bob Dole's love for butter, can Bob Dole count on Mr. Sheets' vote? |
Occupant C'mon . . . sing Tomorrow for me . . . C'mon . . . SING IT! YOU LITTLE ORPHAN BITCH!!! |
Hippie ...And so I said a hip, hop, hip it to the hip to the hip hip hop, you don't stop, and that's why I'm suing that Doug E. Fresh bastard. |
Occupant: Mister Sheets doesn't realize that Betty is really a man in drag. That's all part of the fun on "TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes" |
RIPpie: I tell everyone you move, Mr. Cheets! They buy it! *Huh? Who are you? *Ha ha! Dat a clever disguise, Mr. Cheets! *I think you got the wrong person! AND IT'S SHEETS, DAMMIT! SHEETS! |
Hippie The character of Chuck Sheets was unceremoniously written out of the infomercials. Little bit of trivia for all you die-hard fans. |