Goodbye to Dalton and Chris

Greg   GT9201A@american.edu

"Dalton's Final Hearing"

Disclaimers:  JAG is the property of CBS, Donald Bellasario, et al this is a recreational 
endeavor, no profit is being made and no copyright infringement is intended. 
So please don't sue me! Summary: What happened at Dalton's moment of judgment?  
This is just meant for laughs!  I don't mean to offend anyone, or insult anyone's religious 
beliefs!  Lighten up!

*******************************************
Scene: A Dark Place.

*Dalton looks around*

Dalton: Hello?  Is anyone out there?!

*Suddenly, a dark robed figure carrying a scythe appears behind him*

Grim Reaper: DALTON LOWNE!

Dalton: *Jumps slightly and meekly turns to face figure* Uhhh...yes?

Grim Reaper: YOUR TIME HAS COME.  YOU WILL BE JUDGED AND YOUR ETERNAL FATE
DECIDED.

Dalton: Ummm...okay... *Wipes sweat from brow*

Grim Reaper: I HAVE YOUR FILE HERE.  IT CONTAINS EVERY DEED YOU HAVE EVER
DONE.  *Reaches and feels around in robe*  NOW WHERE DID THAT THING GO...

Grim Reaper: *Turns to Dalton, extending hand* ALL RIGHT, GIVE IT BACK!

Dalton: *Looks around innocently* Give what back?

Grim Reaper: THE FILE, YOU ANNOYING LITTLE THIEF!

Dalton: *Sighs dejectedly and hands back the file* It was just sitting there
in your pocket!  How was I supposed to know whether you wanted me to see it or not?

Grim Reaper: DON'T BOTHER, LOWNE!  THAT KIND OF "Exemplative omitted"
DOESN'T WORK HERE!

*Reaper opens file, mumbles has he reads through the pages*

Grim Reaper: *Shakes head*  TSK, TSK, TSK.  MR. LOWNE, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN A
VERY UPSTANDING CITIZEN, HAVE YOU?

Dalton: Well, I wouldn't say...

Grim Reaper: *Cutting Dalton off* LET'S SEE...LYING TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND,
STEALING HER FILES...SEEMS YOU'VE MADE A HOBBY OF THAT PARTICULAR
OCCUPATION, EH?

Grim Reaper: *Continues* OVER CHARGING CLIENTS, LYING TO PEOPLE, AND BEING
AN ALL-ROUND KISS UP AND PAIN IN THE "Exemplative Omitted"!  THIS DOESN'T
LOOK VERY GOOD MR. LOWNE!

Dalton: Well, there's a lot of ways you could look at it...

Grim Reaper: *Cuts off Dalton again, shuts file and points at him* ENOUGH!
I'VE HAD MY FILL OF YOUR HAIR-SPLITTING ANTICS!  TO PURGATORY WITH YOU!
*Giant pit opens under Daltons feet and he falls down through ground*  

*Reaper walks up to rim of hole*

Grim Reaper: *Shouting down pit* YOU'LL HAVE A LOOOONG TIME TO THINK ABOUT
WHAT YOU'VE DONE!  AND JUST BECAUSE GOD MAY FORGIVE YOU DOESN'T MEAN SARAH
EVER WILL!

*Reaper turns away from pit and begins to walk away*

Grim Reaper: *Starts feeling around robe again* NOW WHERE DID MY KEYS GO...

Grim Reaper: *Runs back over to rim of pit* YOU LITTLE "Exemplative
omitted!"!!!!

THE END    


 *******************************




"Ragle's Eulogy"
By Greg Tsugawa


Disclaimers:  JAG is the property of CBS, Donald Bellasario, et al this is a recreational 
endeavor, no profit is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.  So please 
don't sue me!

Summary: Chris Ragle's eulogy...from the fans' perspective!  This is just meant for humor! 
I'm not making light of the deceased or anything, but you
have to admit, Ragle
derserves this!  :-)

*********************************************
Scene: Interior of a funeral parlor.  Chris' Body lying in casket.

Minister: Is everyone here?

*Assembled Crowd mumbles*

Minister: Good, then let's begin the service.  My friends, we are gathered here today to
remember the dearly departed Christopher Ragle...

*Some members of the crowd roll their eyes*

Minister: ...he was a good man.  A kind man...despite the fact that he was a
petty criminal and alcoholic.

*People in audience yawn, glance at watches*

Minister: He was an energetic man, a man who craved excitement...which
apparently involved encouraging Sarah's alcoholism, and marrying her while she was 
flat-out drunk.

*A man in the front row snores*


Minster: He was an opportunistic man, a determined man...who stalked Sarah
for years before finally coming to get money from of her to pay off his loan shark.

*Minister sighs.  Adjusts glasses*

Minister: He was...uhhhh...hmmm...a dedicated man *shuffles through notes*...who then
threatened to ruin Sarah's successful career as a Marine
Lawyer, and then made 
death threats against her, and any future husband and children...no that 
doesn't work either!

Minister: He...well...was a generous man, he got Sarah away from her abusive father...
only to try and kill her and Colonel Farrow years later...

Man in Back: HEY!  MIND HURRYING UP?!  I GOTTA DENTAL APPOINTMENT TO KEEP!


Minister: Chris...was...oh what the Hell!  *Slumps over podium*  We all agree that 
the guy was a total loser!  

*Minister throws down notes*

Minister: Let's just get this over with!  As I walk through the valley, yadda, yadda,
yadda, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, blah, blah, blah, forever
rest in peace, Amen!  
That's it, I'm outta here!  Come by and look at the carcass if you want! 

*Walks off platform and leaves room*

*Crowd mumbles their agreement and rise to feet quickly shuffling by casket* 

Man: Hey! *Points in casket*  He isn't going to need this watch anymore, is he?! 

THE END