~*(The poems below were written 11/27/98)*~
Seeking only your voice
in the roar of the world
when my ears are filled
with static.
I find it hard to decifer
from the wind whipping past
my ears, fearsome,
yet quiet compared to you.
~*~
Damned be the world
for keeping us apart
damned be the powers that be
damned be the silence
between our lives
damned be our hearts
for loving too much
damned be me, and you, and us
damn it all
be damned
~*(The poems below were written 11/26/98)*~
Staring harder
doesn't help
the phone won't ring
any louder
or sooner
Staring longer
doesn't help
you won't
read my mind
know my thoughts
see my fears
Or do you?
Do you know
my deepest sorrows?
my hidden glimmers?
Can you imagine
the images
in my head?
before my eyes?
Only time
and trust
will show...
~*~
Dreams pass with the changing moon
dreams change with the cycling light
If I looked up what I thought
would it tell me the future?
Or would it tell me what I want to hear?
What I wish for most?
Or is it all the same thing?
The future is what we make of it,
pass us by it will if we let it...
But stay for a drink it will
if we make it...
~*(The poems below were written 11/22/98)*~
So what if I can't see you
I still feel that same
but does it feel the same for you
even though we're far apart?
Does the memory of my laughter
fade with my physical absence?
Do your feelings pass
as I do from sight?
Or does the image of my smile
stay with you for days?
Do my whisperings echo
long after my lips have left yours?
Obssession lasts
as long as you want it to
the intensity
depends on you.
Love is endless
yet interchangable,
growing, living, dying, thriving
all in the span of a kiss...
~*~
Amazing I can feel so close
yet so distant
never knowing what you're thinking
or how you feels
but usually "getting the jist of it"
How much is similar to me?
How strong are your emotions?
tell it to me softly and gently
that I may hear it all.
~*(The poems below were written 11/21/98)*~
My mind wonders endlessly
as my eyes stand still
wondering of the night
and what it holds until
the light breaks it gently
easing it ever so
slightly into daytime
darkness seems to go
wandering as my mind does
my heart stand firm
beating in a rhythm
all it's own but learned
from the past the present
the future all
taking in everything
and nothing to stall
out of decisions
out of the meaning
for truth is beauty
but beauty is beseeming
all other things
from this moment on
so I sit back and watch
the night turn to dawn
~*~
Laugh
please laugh
but don't turn away
it would break my heart
break it and smash it in two
threes, infinitely seperate pieces
Smile
please smile
but don't let it drop
don't show displeasure
don't run away from the truth
open up to me, tell me what's wrong
but don't turn away
~*~
When screaming into the night
what do you think of most
the fear
the anguish
the pain?
When screaming into the night
what do you think of most
the blood
the sweat
the tears?
When screaming into the night
what do you think of most
the beauty
the understanding
the emotion
the wanting
the needing
the oneness
the visions
the love?
yeah, that's what I think of too...
~*~
Chilled by the air
I pull tighter my emotions
letting them be seen only by
those I love the most
if you're not one of them
to hell with you
if you're not one of them
don't feel bad
if you're not one of them
come closer my dear
know me further than you
ever have before
and you'll see my true face
the face of my emotions
and all the lies
beyond...
~*(The poems below were written 11/17/98)*~
Looking away from your eyes is so hard
when they're in my head
When I listen to your voice next to me
It's usually on the phone
But there are times
when we are together
when I feel
your arms around me
I know your love
I see your face in front of me
not in a picture frame
but live and breathing
close enough to touch
to kiss is I dared
I smile mysteriously
and I dare...
~*~
To hell if I know what to do
To hell with my mind and all associated with it
To hell with being sensible and sane
To hell with conforming to society and all "that there in"
To hell if I know what I'm talking about
To hell with it...I need my sleep
~*(The poems below were written 11/6/98)*~
Chances are
I think of you too much
Chances are
My mind wanders too often
Chances are
I'm a danger to myself
Chances are
I really don't care
Chances are
I love the way you look in the moonlight
Chances are
You don't know what your smile does to me
Chances are
I can't stop myself from grinning
Chances are
you don't know the half of it
Chances are
you don't see me staring
Chances are
you wonder at night too
Chances are
you might be the one
Chances are
I love you
~*~
My hate escapes me
when I embraced the love
All the sorrow and malice
has been erased by my now warm heart
I wish it would have come sooner
but sooner comes later
but I waited
long and hard I waited
and it came to me in the light
not in the darkness on depression
it enveloped me when I least expected it to
when I was with you
basking in your light
laying under your smile
it came to me
and it stayed
~*(The poems below were written 11/2/98)*~
Searching the stars
for the one you're
looking at too.
knowing you're out there,
somewhere.
feeling your life,
out there,
somewhere.
~*~
Gone are the wings
that touched my heart,
Gone are the eyes
that pierced my soul,
Away have you gone
from my arms so cold
have grown without your touch.
Gone are your words
that brightened the day,
Gone is your laughter
that lifted the night,
Alive is the memory
of your life with ours
never shall you die in our hearts.
~*(The poem below was written 10/25/98)*~
Speak my name again, say it with meaning...
it touches my heart, it wakes my sleeping mind
Speak my name again, for fear I may never hear your voice again
say it to me softly, from your soul...
speak of your love to me, for fear it's the last time we meet
say it to me softly, from your eyes...
speak of your thoughts to me, for fear you may close your mind to me
say it to me softly, from your heart...
speak of anything to me, for I will always listen
say it to me softly, for I will never close my mind to you,
I will never close my heart to you,
my eyes and soul will always be open
for you...
~*(The poems below were written 10/7/98)*~
into the night I peer curiously
for a heart as warm as mine
I know it's out there somewhere
but pretty damned hard to find
calling out a name I fall
short of what to say
I only know of what I want
the part that I want played
I only want a body
to fill my arms at night
a touch to fill my senses
a look to fill my sight
in someone I will find this
I know this to be true
in someone I will find this
for I've seen it there in you
~*~
Picking up the pieces
of my shattered, broken heart
I cut myself on edges
that have not yet healed
I cover my wound carefully
with my bare, exposed arm
and discover the wounds extend
past just the outer edge
inward do they cut
and slice they do with hate
I've stopped my love
from flowing to you
but you never stopped the dispair
from eating at my soul
with unfaithful, thoughtless lies
I sink to my knees
and in my wounded arms
I cry to those who love
never to turn in hate
for when affection turns to malice
understanding is twisted, deformed
never to be understood
and that is where you've left me
alone in my bleeding arms
~*~
God I need a helping hand
to guide me through the night
sometiems when i fall behind
guide me with your sight
watch me run across the hills
watch me make my way
leave me to my own path
but by my side please stay
never leave me
never leave
always needed
never grieve
for life is full of choices
and these are mine to make
so if I walk down the darker path
please excuse my mistake
choices choices
so hard to choose
what I want
or what I'll loose
Need the guidence
need the flame
need the brilliance
need the same
take my hand
but let me lead
and realized
that this is what I need
~*(The poems below were written 9/30/98)*~
On my own
My mind wanders endlessly
to and fro to you
from your eyes
to your touch
back to your eyes
while knowing your arms around me
As if Eponine I imagine
you here with me now
I sigh with pain
As I realize you're not
My eyes close in rememberance
of your warm breath on my neck
I know your love
I miss your voice
But I'll wait as long as it takes.
~*~
Forever
Forever to be with you
Forever I'll wait always
for needless to say it'll be worth it
In my heart, in my mind I'll know you
but together we'll be forever
together we'll be, you and me.
~*~
Stolen
Take my love for it's only for you,
I abandon my heart, for you've stolen that too.
Cherish my eyes for the way they look upon your face
Find my mind in your possession, for it's been replaced.
With a soul that's on fire
with beauty and desire
you challenge my mind
but still I find
you bring laughter to my lips
while leaving a kiss
upon which you'll find
you've stolen my mind.
~*(The poem below was written 9/23/98)*~
leaving again, leaving...yes...
why haven't I left yet,
it's so god damned hard...
leaving again, leaving...yes...
why does it have to be with way?
someday we'll be together
and never have to leave
someday we'll be able
to sleep without disturbance
leaving again, leaving...yes...
but I'll be back soon...miss me...
~*(The poems below were added 5/23/98)*~
Waiting, waiting, impatience still
curiousity grows within me
taking away the light of day
and seeing by the stars
night sky lights up for me
I see your face beside mine
passion rises, control the senses
nodding heads in the night air
holding back for keeps sake
knowing the eventuality of things
waiting, waiting, impacience grows still
~*~
Show me
Dancing Life
lights up the world
curved by
the unexplainable beauty
Magnificent arches
held up by
seemingly endless
wonders
Pillars created
to shadow
the light of change
Movement again
by the waving
shifting
motions
Arches fall
curves become straight
beauty within
where grace hides
Smile again for me...
~*~
Healing
Take your claims to the desk
Not to me
I care not of your broken heart
It means nothing to me
Share it with others around you
But keep away from me
I care not of your broken heart
It means nothing to me
Weeping for the loss you feel inside
I feel nothing
Looking into my eyes for forgiveness
I see right through you
Crying out-loud for love, redemption, meaning…
I turn my back to you
Looking into my eyes for forgiveness
I see right through you
Feeling my heart for the warmth of a beat
I am numb to your touch
Pleading lips with words of regret
I speak no words to you
Still with guilt you wait for a sign
Keep waiting
Pleading lips with words of regret
I speak no words to you
You have no control over my mind
It is closed to you
You need my love and crave my senses
I am loved my others
You are gone from my heart and soul
I need your pain no more
You need my love and crave my senses
I am loved by others
You are gone from my mind
I am loved by others
You are gone from my heart
I am loved by them
You are gone from my soul
I am loved by others
I am loved by them
I am finally loved by me….
~*~
Caution aside, what makes you happy?
Standing at the edge of the widest expanse?
Waiting on the tracks of an oncoming train?
Caution aside, what makes you happy?
Running through the streets on a moonlight midnight?
Screaming names through the thunder storm?
Caution aside, what makes you happy?
Loving for the passion of embrace?
Stealing a glance from across the room?
Caution aside, what makes you happy?
Taking a breath when it’s been taken away?
Giving back the night that you’ve stolen to day?
Caution aside, what makes you happy?
Throwing caution to the wind
And never using it again…
~*~
Seeking the light
When darkness has failed
Looking towards the setting sun
Set on my soul, my heart within
Setting my hopes free
Knowing the dark
When the light has come
Embracing the shadows of the night
Loving it’s emptiness and lack of warmth
Yet alone in the gloom I become
Swallowed by the darkness
I reach for the light
Recognizing the knowledge of feeling
Touch my soul again
With the light of your own
~*~
Gentle at heart,
yet stone cold to the core
Comforted by the warmth of the south
and made aware by the touch of the north
Perform like a queen controling the love
talk to the minions like kindred spirits
take them in your arms
take them in your souls
take them in your heart
and breath for once
through their eyes
live for once
through their heart
take for once
through their hearts
and never let the feeling go
Charged by the lightning in the sky
willed by the thunder in your chest
moved by the incaulculable numbness
and felt by the still summer breeze
lift your arms to the voices above
take them in your arms
take them in your soul
take them in your heart
and let yourself live
in their arms
take a breath
through their mind
live again
through their love
and let go to control the voices above
~*~
~*(The poems below were added to the page on 4/9/98)*~
Blinking away the colors of day
waiting perhaps for the minds click
watching it surface above the pool
of slimy words and lies and facades...
watch it dance and spin and live
watch it sink, from the weight of the world
watch it die from very impact it makes
and watch it be reborn in our children
*********
To all who listen and hear the cries
of a child who lives and breaths and dies
To feel the life drain out
to feel the emptiness inside
to feel the caring thats lost
from love that always hides...
Away from me, you vile thing
you raped and killed my life
for the love you showed
was not real love
and all thats left is strife
Take that to heart, if you have one inside
and used the knowledge within you and hide
from those who will kill
and use you as you did
and leave as empty shell of a person as me...
*****************
When nothing comes to your head, what do you do?
Do you mumble under your breath... type on ALL CAPS?
When nothing comes to your head, what do you do?
Do you shut off, shut down, shut out...
When nothing comes to your head, what do you do?
Open the shades and let in the light? Or sit in the dark?
When nothing comes to your head, what do you do?
When nothing comes from your head, let it come from your heart...