Hotel Etiquette

* Always book your hotel room far enough in advance so that by the time you actually check in, the rates will be the highest possible in relation to the lowest local exchange rate ever recorded in history.

* Remember to always generously tip that employee MOST essential to your overall vacation pleasure: The bartender. He or she will not only remember your name, what you drink and where you're from, but most importantly, he or she will remember your room number, and will graciously sign your bar bill for you.

Packing the Essentials

*Never forget the most important item: A very large, plastic party cup. No one has ever built a satisfying cocktail in one of those tiny, breakable(gasp!)bathroom glasses.

*When chosing your travel wardrobe, be advised that no matter how many suitcases you bring, you will ALWAYS have an occasion for which you are unprepared. Pack an additional VISA card for these times.

Dealing with the Natives

*Remember: If you don't speak the local language, increasing your volume does NOT communicate your needs. Use the local currency to speak for you.

*If you book a sightseeing tour through your hotel, never criticize the mode of transportation provided. Even a moped is better than walking.

Flight Safety and Sanity

*In the event that your budget decrees that you fly coach, bring your own generous supply of mini-bottles and Smokehouse Almonds. By the time you have reached your destination, you'll be convinced that you flew first-class.

Dining Tips

*Insects are a great delicacy in many Asian countries. Curb the impulse to crush underfoot any small critter. It may be intended as the main course for the diners sitting next to you.