Sexual Abuse:

Just within the last 15 years our society has started to realize the extent of sexual abuse and its long-term consequences (see Interpersonal Violence publications by Sage Publications; Forward & Buck, 1978). Rape is reported to the police only 5% of the time; 50% of the time the woman tells no one. One in four girls is abused by age 14; one in three by age18, many by family members. One in 6 boys is abused by age 16. Among college women, 5% experience a rape or an attempted rape every year; that is a 20-25% chance during four years of college. 84% were attacked by someone they know (57% by a "date"). Russell (1982) reports that 35% of college males confess that there is "some likelihood that they would rape a woman if they could get away with it." Also, 28% of "working women" have been sexually assaulted, 60% by someone they know. Russell also interviewed almost 1000 women and found that 14% had been raped by their husbands or ex-husbands. Remember, rape is a violent act, during which the woman often thinks she will be killed. Man has an astonishing history of raping women (Brownmiller, 1975). Almost 700,000 women were raped in 1990; 30% were between 11 and 17; another 30% were under 11! The attacker was known by about 75% of the victims.

Sexual Abuse: Any sexual act with a child or a non-consenting adult

This includes fondling, penetration, intercourse, exploitation, pornography, exhibitionism, child prostitution, group sex, oral sex, forced observation of sexual acts etc.

Sexual Abuse Indicators

Sexual Abuse Behavioral Indicators

Difficulty walking or sitting
Torn, stained or bloody undergarments

Pain, swelling or itching in genital area

Pain when urinating

Bruises, bleeding or tears around genital areas

Vaginal or penile discharge

Sexually transmitted diseases:
- herpes, crabs, vaginal warts
- gonorrhea, syphilis
- HIV, AIDS
Excessive masturbation

Unwilling to change for gym or participate in P.E. activities
Sexual behavior or knowledge inappropriate to child's age

Sexual acting out on younger children

Poor peer relations

Delinquent or runaway behavior

Report of sexual assault

Drastic change in school performance

Sleep disorders, nightmares

Eating disorders

Aggression

Withdrawal, fantasy, infantile behavior

Self-abusive behavior or lack of concern for personal safety

Substance abuse

Repetitive behaviors:
- hand washing
- pacing
- rocking

Five Factors That Everyone Should Know:

Drugs and Alcohol: Drugs and alcohol are the number one factor that leads to date and acquaintance rape. Seventy-five to eighty percent of all date and acquaintance rapes involve drugs and alcohol.

Do not mix sexual decisions with drugs and alcohol. Your ability to make smart decisions is lessened when you are drunk or high. You may think you are being romantic when you are really forcing your date. If you date is not sober enough to give consent and you force them to have sex, it is rape.
Observe how your environment around you is changing, such as your being left at a party by your friends when you don't have a way to get home. React immediately.
Avoid secluded places. Go to a public place when you are getting to know someone new. Don't leave a party with someone you have just met. Don't go to an empty apartment, the park, or out in the desert with someone you don't know very well.

Mixed Messages: Sometimes our actions, appearance, and words can give an unintended message - one that may be interpreted as an invitation for sex.

If you think you are getting mixed messages - that is, your date is saying one thing and then doing another, you have a right to ask them what they want. If you think they are playing games, ask for clarification.
Be in charge of your own life. When on a date, don't ever feel that you "owe" that person anything. Have an agreement with a friend or your parents that you can call them any time, even at night, and they will come and get you no questions asked.
Listen to your intuition and trust yourself. If you get any "funny feelings" about someone or a situation, get away. It's better to be embarassed than raped. Trusting your intuition could be the smartest thing you have ever done. It is always better to be safe than sorry.

Different Expectations: Be aware of the fact that many of us have different expectations in dating relationships.

Decide what your sexual limits are. Think about what you really want, before you get into a sexual situations where someone else may be pressuring you.
Tell your partner clearly what these limits are. They cannot read your mind. Don't make them guess. You risk the chance of getting hurt if you do.
Do not assume you know what your date wants. Ask them. If they are affectionate and engage in hugging, kissing, or fondling, that does not mean they want intercourse. Talk about what you both want - without pressure. If your date is not sure, give them time to decide. You deserve an answer, but until then, do not assume that intercourse is okay.

Believing No means Yes: Be aware of the myth that when a person says no to sex, they really mean yes.

Be assertive. Give clear verbal and nonverbal messages about what you want and don't want. When you say no, say it like you mean it.
No means no. Whenever it is said. Never pressure anyone into doing something they do not want to do, especially when it comes down to having intercourse. Respect yourself enough not to do anything you do not want to do. Your body is personal and private. It was not made for someone else's pleasure.

Learned Violence: Be aware of the "cycle of abuse" and the stereotypes about males and females within our society.

Be aware of stereotypes which prevent people from acting themselves. Males feeling they need to be strong and aggressive, and females feeling they need to be weak and quiet.
If you are angry, frustrated, or disppointed, do not use violence as a way to solve the problem. If your date does not want to have sex with you, they are not necessarily rejecting you. They just may not be ready to have intercourse at that time in their life.
Check out a new date. Talk to others who have dated them before, or people what know them. If they have a reputation for "scoring" you might be next.

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