Moving back to a small northern community after graduating from university has meant that we get only 3 radio stations...all country.  To top this off we have not 1 but 2 country music video channels on our TV. Consequently, we've been bombarded with 24 hrs of "cryin', lovin' and leavin'" a day. We've noticed some blatant generalizations
concerning this genre. (If you are a country music fan please note....we aren't mocking it. If you are not familiar with country music these will help you to see what its all about.

TAKE A DRINK IF YOU SEE....

VIDEOS:

• Big Hats (take 2 drinks if it shows a close up of face w/ eyes hidden by big hat)
• Big Hair
• Big Belt Buckles
• Big Stuffed Crotch
• Big Boobs
• Big Jawed Female
• Big anything
• Beer is consumed (2drinks if its BUD)
• Blondes
• Crop tops
• tight pants
• Daisy Duke Shorts (2 drinks if Daisy Duke shorts are accompanied by Daisy Duke boots)
• Men wear flannel shirts (2 drinks if its tucked in, 3 drinks if tucked into a Big belt buckle)
• tassles, sequins and rhinestones ( 2 drinks if all on same garment)
• men have hockey hair
• men have Billy Ray Cyrus "SCHLONG HAIR"
• girls have "POOF AND WOOF"(that is the hair goes poof and guys go woof)
• pube 'staches (1 drink per inch in length)
• see a couple dancin' in matching outfits
• you wonder how DID they get into those tiight pants
• big tour bus
• sports utility vechicles: pick ups and RVs (2 drinks if there's a rifle hanging in the back window of the sports utility vechicle)
• NASCAR  racin'(Indy and Formula One don't count)
• cars (2 drinks if singin' about a car in a car, 3 drinks if the car's a Mercury)
• Tractors (2 drinks if its a John Deere)
• trucks and trailers
• trailer parks
• truck stops
• gas bars
• dirt roads
• it looks as if the main tour stops are State Fairs
• sets reminescent of backyard BBQs
• Blatant Cowboy imagery
• Urban Cowboys (2 drinks if the urban cowboy wouldn't know a cow if it kicked him in the arse)
• Garth, Shania or Lee Ann
• have stupid names like Dwight, Cookie and Tracy for a boy
• "rebels"
• "dixie" flags

• Sing w/ a southern twang (even if Scottish)
• you wonder if there are only 2 actual country music voices and a whole lotta lip synchers
• there's a love duet where you can't distinguish between the male/female voices
• say "wooh," "hee haw" or "yippee kaiai" (2 drinks if all in same song, 3 drinks if yodled)
• drop their G's in all words endin' in G
• songs aprox 3.5 minutes in length
• sung by some sincere sounding whiny guy
• sung by a chick who sounds like she has big hair
• singer is an independent woman (2 drinks if she is singin' about bein' an independent woman while tryin' to make it on her own in the BIG city)
• mention "how far we've come" and the singer is only in mid 20s
• mention a truck (2 drinks if its by Alan Jackson, 3 if its pernounced truuucck)
• mention "cryin,'" "lovin,'" or "leavin'" (1 drink per thing)
• mention South western America (2 drinks if its
• Nashville, Vegas orMemphis, 5 drinks if its Cheyenne)---where the heck is Cheyenne anyways?
• mention "rollin' in the hay"
• mention "2 young lovers w' their bodies on fire"
• mention "BODY WORSHIP" (2 drinks if its a woman who wants a man who "will worship her body and make her go weak in the knees", 3 drinks if the singer is under 18)

• someone's in love
• someone's lost their (insert here)
• some woman is pissed (2 drinks if its at an insensitive man)
• someone's "gone... they're history"
• someone's reminded of someone by something
• someone's tryin' to let go
• someone' "holdin' on for dear life"
• someone doesn't know how good they have it until its gone
• someone's lookin' for a better life
• someone's cheatin'
• Guy has no clue why she left
• Guy questions how he can get her back
• a small town person moves to a big city
• young girl works as a waitress (2drinks if it's in a diner, 3 if she has to wear a pink uniform)
• young girl falls in love (2 drinks if it is w/ a college boy)
• boy meets girl and life begins
• it's someone's wedding day
• some father gives his daughter away father says "I'm losin' my little girl"
• "little girl" marries her high school sweetheart (2 drinks if she's 22)
• someone is a total stereotype...

text 1998 the marg & andromedastraine

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