Even though it helps to be hosed when watching Crash, I appreciate that not all of you out there drink.  With that in mind, I have devised a game for those of you out there who don't drink.

Now, the way this works, is that you take a drink every time something on this list happens:

• Deborah Unger's lines are actually audible without you having to turn the sound up to full volume
• someone is demure
• you actually understand what is happening (the plot, not the sexual positions)
• 15 minutes of the movie passes, and nothing either sexual or kinky occurs
• Deborah Unger wears underwear
• Someone is not horny
• 2 people who are horny control themselves, and don't have sex
• a couple has "regular" missionary position sex
• someone seems like a normal, average person
• sex is not linked, in any way whatsoever with machinery (they can't be talking about it, either)
• someone has a real, normal day job
• someone is actually seen working at said day job
• a main character is not a sex-crazed pervert
• The Ballards (James Spader & Deborah Unger) act like a normal married couple
• monogamy is practiced
• someone is actually seen earning a living
• someone's voice is not monotone
• Vaughan is attractive
• you can honestly say that the movie is just like your life
• someone rides in a car (non-sexually.   If that person is riding someone in a car, it doesn't count!)
• Deborah Unger's hemline is where it should be

1999 andromedastraine