There's nothing worse than a movie that is having an identity crisis...unfortunately this is one...it doesn't know whether it wants to be an art film or an action flick...

drink whenever:

• The set looks like the movie was filmed at the city dump
• Someone chews at the scenery
• You know what is going to happen next
• Repugnance
• Kurt Russell acts stiff
• Kurt Russell is silent
• The movie "BLOWS" (literally)
• You see a dumper ship
• You see how the movie could have been good...
• The music reminds you of Lord of the Dance
• The wife looks like she wishes she was naked
• You see someone through a sheet
• Kurt Russell clearly wants the wife
• Kurt Russell "bulges"
• Blood
• You wonder whose breasts are larger, Kurt Russell's or the wife's
• Wind noises
• Attempts at artyness
• Kurt Russell speaks in a sentence of 5 words or less
• Said sentences are incomplete
• You wonder if the offworlders escaped from Ireland?!
• You look for a leprechaun?
• Kurt Russell has a "flashback"
• You ask where they got the fiddles.
• You wonder if the fiddles came from the garbage too.
• Kurt Russell shows no emotion
• You think they'd be screwed if there was a tire fire
• Kurt Russell gets his agression out
• You notice an over abundance of testosterone
• Something explodes
• A machine gun is fired
• Kurt Russell kills someone
• Kurt Russell appears sans shirt
• Crying
• Cheezy special effects
• You think the computer animation is better in Donkey Kong, the animated series
• Someone walks along the rope
• Kurt Russell sits in a tunnel
• Someone is unemotional
• There's a fire
• Kurt Russell says "Sir!" (2 drinks if he's speaking to a woman)
• Scars
• You think the movie could have been called "Escape from the Dump"
• Death
• People look like extras from Star Trek
• Army overheads do nothning while fodder...sorry SOLDIERS do all the work
• You wish you'd put money on the outcome of the movie, it's so predictable
• Someone looks P.O'ed
• You hear wind chimes
• Kurt Russell punches the punching bag
• The generator behind the punching bag turns
• There is a flashback of Kurt Russell's training
• The mute kid plays with his metal toy
• There's a nasty bright green snake
• Someone is angry at Kurt Russell
• You see a tattoo
• You scream "SAY SOMETHING!!!!!" at the tv
• Christmas lights
• You wonder where everyone got all the stuff...they're meant to be poor!
• Kurt Russell runs in front of flames/explosions
• Caine pushes his little red button
• You count more than the "accounted for" amount of soldiers
• You know someone's blood type
• Glass shatters
• "Speaking" consists of 1 syllable guttral noises
• It is raining
• Something about the boss-man bugs you (2 drinks if it's his mustache)
• The boss man shoots someone
• A sentence consists of one word
• Hand gestures are used instead of speech
• Armour and props look stolen from a different movie
• Kurt Russell gets someone with the grenade launcher
• Caine looks/acts like he has a pole up his bum
• You marvel at how neat and clean the garbage livers look
• Kurt Russell acts like a one man killing machine
• THe movie takes itself too seriously
• You long to hear the sounds of voices, rather than guns
• Slow motion scene
• It's hard to see...it's too dark
• There's too much fog
• You see a crawler...2 drinks if it kills someone
• You laugh...even though it's not meant to be a funny movie...