I AM ZORAK!
ZORAK!!!!
Citizens since September 7, 1996. Web Counter Courtesy of Webcounter
I AM THE LONE LOCUST
(really a MANTIS)
OF THE APOCALYPSE!!!!
GOT A PROBLEM?
I'm listening...
Space Ghost:
The kids at school don't like me.
Brak:
My girlfriend says I smell...
Space Ghost:
The teachers say I'm lazy.
Brak:
Sometimes I want to yell!
"Zorak!"
"Can you help me?"
Zorak:
Sure kid....Just tell old Zorak. Now what's your problem?
Space Ghost:
This mask is really itchy!
Brak:
My underwear's too tight!
Space Ghost:
No one understands me!
Zorak:
Yeah....Right....
Brak:
Now it's time for....
ZORAK'S
HELPFUL
HINTS!
Space Ghost:
Hey Zorak...Here's a caller, with a question!
I said Zorak! Here's a CALLER WITH A QUESTION!
Brak:
Zorak's not here.
Space Ghost:
What do you mean not here?
Brak:
He told me that it was his day off.
Space Ghost:
Oh, oh his day off...well that's just...What!?!!? Zorak is my prisoner! Prisoners don't get days off!
Brak:
Oh well I don't know about that!
Space Ghost:
Did Zorak tell you where he was going on his day off?
Brak:
Bowling...
Space Ghost:
Bowling? Zorak doesn't know how to bowl.
Brak:
He doesn't? Well how do you like that?
Space Ghost:
I just happen to have a caller here with a question is all.
Caller #1 (Guy):
Zorak? Are you there?
Space Ghost:
Brak, you be Zorak.
Brak:
What?
Space Ghost:
We don't want to disappoint our caller. Disguise your voice...pretend you're Zorak.
Brak:
Hi, I'm Zorak! I'm a green bug.
Caller #1 (Guy):
Brak is that you?
Brak:
Yeah, how ya doing?
Caller #1 (Guy):
I'm good, where's Zorak?
Brak:
It's his day off.
Space Ghost:
Why don't you ask me your question?
Caller #1 (Guy):
No, I'll wait for Zorak.
Space Ghost:
Fine, alrighty.
Caller #1 (Guy):
Is Zorak there yet?
Space Ghost:
I spent the night in a motel that had Magic Fingers.
Space Ghost:
See, there's a machine that's hooked up to the bed. When you put a quarter into the machine, the bed shakes you around like crazy. Magic....Fingers. You still there, son?
Brak:
I saw it last night...she turned her head around...it...it gave me bad dreams. I think he hung up.
Zorak:
Hey, I'm back!
Brak:
Hey buddy! Hey buddy! Heeeeeeey BUDDY! What do ya know?
Space Ghost:
How was bowling?
Zorak:
I rolled a 37, my personal best
Space Ghost:
What else did you do on your "day off?"
Zorak:
Oh let's see....I had lunch with my lawyer....I renewed my driver's licence...uh....what else...
Space Ghost:
You forgot about a little something called "Zorak's Helpful Hints."
Zorak:
Oops. That was today was it? Well go figure.
Hey, whattya doing? Aaaaaaaaaa!
Brak:
When do I get MY day off?!?!?!
Space Ghost:
When monkeys fly out of my....ear.
Brak:
When does the monkey come out of your ear? I don't have all day, you know!
Zorak:
Next caller!....
Okay.
Caller #2 (Girl):
Zorak?
Zorak:
Yes?
Caller #2 (Girl):
I got a problem.
Zorak:
I'm listenin'!
Caller #2 (Girl):
My big brother always teases me. How can I get him to stop?
Zorak:
You can't. No way. It's impossible. Big brothers tease little sisters. Big sisters tease little brothers. It's been that way since time began. You wanna try and change something that's worked for ten trillion years?
Caller #2 (Girl):
No, I guess not.
Zorak:
Then deal with it!
Next caller!
Caller #3 (Kid):
Zorak?
Zorak:
Yes it is I!
Caller #3 (Kid):
There's this girl at school that I sorta like.
Zorak:
Ah hah.
Caller #3 (Kid):
But she ignores me all the time.
Zorak:
Mmmm hmmmm
Caller #3 (Kid):
How do I get her to notice me?
Zorak:
Try wearing your underwear on the OUTSIDE of your trousers.
Zorak:
See if she notices that!
Caller #3 (Kid):
Hey! Great idea! Thanks!
Zorak:
Madonna did it.
Space Ghost:
We'll be back next week for more of
ZORAK'S
HELPFUL
HINTS!
Zorak:
Ba-bye!
MAiL
BAG
DAY
MAiL
BAG
DAY
Hey everybody, it's
MAiL BAG
DAY
Dear Zorak
My girlfriend and I used to get along just fine until we started giving each other love names. She called me her sticky little insect (which I liked) but when I called her my big basket of onion rings she hit me with a rake! Why?
Zorak:
Brak!
Brak:
What do I know? I'm stupid....
Zorak:
Exactly!
The word for today is PANCREAS
Zorak:
Pancake.
Space Ghost:
Not pancake...pancreas.
Zorak:
Pancake-creas.
Space Ghost:
No.... pancreas, PANCREAS, PANCREAS!!!!.
Zorak:
Waffle, WAFFLE, WAFFLE!!!!
Space Ghost:
Ehhhhhhhhh..................
Zorak:
Man! I like to get me a big ol' stack of PANCREASES...with syrup!
Space Ghost:
And that's the word for today...................