I AM ZORAK!
LISTEN IF YOU DARE
TO
MESSAGES
FROM OUTER
SPACE!
GOT A PROBLEM?
I'm listening...
Space Ghost:
The kids at school don't like me.
Brak:
My girlfriend says I smell...
Space Ghost:
The teachers say I'm lazy.
Brak:
Sometimes I want to yell!
"Zorak!"
"Can you help me?"
Zorak:
Sure kid....Just tell old Zorak. Now what's your problem?
Space Ghost:
This mask is really itchy!
Brak:
My underwear's too tight!
Space Ghost:
No one understands me!
Zorak:
Yeah....Right....
Brak:
Now it's time for....
ZORAK'S
HELPFUL
HINTS!
Space Ghost:
Hey Zorak...Here's a caller, with a question!
Zorak:
Next caller!....
Caller #1 (Girl):
Zorak, I hate doing homework. I don't ever want to do homework again.
Zorak:
Good idea. Don't do ANY homework. Fail all your classes! Drop out of school! Get a crummy job! Live in your parent's basement 'til you're 40! Sound like fun?
Caller #1 (Girl):
No, I guess not.
Zorak:
Then do your homework!
Next caller!
Zorak:
Okay.
Caller #2 (Kid):
Zorak, are you there?
Zorak:
Yes I think so.
Caller #2 (Kid):
I have a problem.
Zorak:
I'm listening!
Caller #2 (Kid):
Well you see I'm kinda small for my age.
Zorak:
Mmmm hmmmm
Caller #2 (Kid):
Sometimes other kids make fun of me.
Zorak:
Uh huh.
Caller #2 (Kid):
I just with I was bigger.
Zorak:
Yea. Well listen kid, being big don't me diddly.
For example, look at Space Ghost. He is considered large by Earth standards. But he can't take two steps without tripping himself!
Space Ghost:
Wa ha ha ha ha ha
Zorak:
I on the other hand am also considered small for my size...
But I have accomplished much!
Space Ghost:
Yeah? Like WHAT!
Zorak:
Next caller!
Space Ghost:
Well be back next week for more of
ZORAK'S
HELPFUL
HINTS!
Zorak:
Ba-bye!
MAiL
BAG
DAY
MAiL
BAG
DAY
Hey everybody, it's
MAiL BAG
DAY
Space Ghost,
Wonder Woman is at the front door. Batgirl is at the backdoor. Where do you go first?
Space Ghost:
Wonder Woman is HOT!
Zorak:
Yeah! But Batgirl's old man is Police Commissioner.
Commissioner Gordon.
So....when the old geezer retires....
Space Ghost:
Ooooo! Commissioner Space Ghost.
Zorak:
Exactly!
The word for today is a Spanish word!
GRACIAS!
It means friend!
Zorak:
Thank you.
Space Ghost:
Your welcome.
Zorak:
No. Gracias means thank you.
Space Ghost:
No it doesn't!
Zorak:
Yes it does!
Space Ghost:
NO IT DOESN'T!
Zorak:
YES IT DOES!
Space Ghost:
No it doesn't! My little green gracias.
Zorak:
El Ghosto es loco! (What an idiot)
Space Ghost:
And that's the word for today...................
Space Ghost:
Oh look! It's a nugget of joy! And it's from Zorak! I don't know what to say.
Zorak:
Santa Claus came to my planet once.
We were really confused because why did this big old fat human come to our planet anyway?
Our version of Santa Claus was Hubert, the jolly cricket on stilts.
He'd visit door to door, and drop off small bugs that we could prey upon.
Space Ghost:
Now....here's Zorak with a very important nugget of joy for us.
Zorak:
I ran to get into shape once.
I ran and ran and ran.
Old runnin Zorak that's what they used to call me.
"Ol' runnin' Zorak!" hee hee!
Then I developed the worse bunion on the pinky toe of my left foot.
Huh.... It done me in.
So I started conquering galaxies! Hoo hua ha ha ha ha ha!
Space Ghost:
Another nugget of joy? Zorak! How do you do it?
Zorak:
Take one of your shoes off. Put it in your mouth. Bite it!
Space Ghost:
Hey, wait a second mister!
Zorak:
Bite it! Bite it! Mmmmmmmmmm. Doesn't that taste good kids?
Space Ghost:
Alright! Alright! Enough of that! This joy nugget is CANCELED!
Zorak:
But why?
Space Ghost:
You can't tell our kids to eat their shoes!
Zorak:
But! But!
Space Ghost:
No buts! I don't want to hear another peep outta you unless it is something positive and uplifting for the youth of America!
Zorak:
Eeeeeerh. Alright.
Space Ghost:
Are you ready to play nice?
Zorak:
I guess so.
Space Ghost:
Carry on then.
Zorak:
Kids...take your shoe out of your mouth....and put it in your EAR!!
Space Ghost:
ZORAK!
ROSES ARE RED
ROSES ARE BLUE
IT'S TIME FOR POET'S CORNER....
YAHOO!
Zorak:
You know...I myself have written a POEM.
It's called...
CHUBBY CHUBBY CHOO CHOO
Zorak:
Should I read it?
Space Ghost:
I can only think of about ten thousand reasons why you shouldn't.
Zorak:
Ahem.
Chubby chubby choo choo
Coming down the track
Belching smoke and cinders
Turns my blue sky black
I wave to the golly conductor
But the bozo don't wave back
Get out of here chubby choo choo
You're bummin' out Zorak.
True story
Space Ghost:
Did the chubby chubby choo choo make Zorak sadsy sadsy wadsy???
Zorak:
Yeah sure right. I give and give and give and I just get it thrown back at my face. Blah!
Zorak's Views on Love
Let me tell you about love in mantis land.
You meet a girl
You fall in love...
She bites your head off!
Geez...it's hard out there!
Alright alright!
Get a move on! Get back over to BRAK!!!!
That's disgusting! Zorak spit copier toner all over the place!
Ewwww! Look! Another page! Get the boss man on the horn!
Why does BRAK!!!!! get ANOTHER page? Everybody loves Brak!
Got a problem? I'm listening. Go visit ME at
Zorak's Helpful Hints.
Why does he have his own homepage?
Zorak:
Why? Because we loathe you....
Do you have a question for Zorak?
Then send all your inquiries HERE!
If you've got comments on the page itself drop a line
....SEASONS GREETINGS!....
Brak's New Years Resolutions
Twelve Days of Christmas
Here are the names of some people, that wrote me letters!
Click here to return to my lovely friend....
@
Tokyo
Brak's Homepage ©
Citizens have crashed here since March 7, 1998.
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