Rating: PG
Author: Mearl Dox (Mearl.dox@person.net)
"Eternal?"
Tsukino Usagi smiled gently, as the phone rang once more. Another
well-wisher. Most of the senshi had already called. Both Haruka and Rei had
insisted... almost demanded to stay at Usagi's house until she recovered from
her loss. She had chased them away, of course.
Usagi walked over to the phone and picked it up. "Moshi moshi?"
"Usagi-chan!" It was Ami. "I just heard! Are you all right? Do you
want me to come over?"
"No, Ami-chan, I'm all right." Usagi answered softly. "Thank you. I
need to be alone right now, that's all."
"Oh, Usagi!" Ami was obviously very upset... Usagi didn't think she
had ever heard such emotion from the girl before. She felt a pang of guilt.
Here all of her friends were, suffering for her 'loss', and she didn't even
care anymore. "Usagi-chan, I'm so sorry."
"Thank you, Ami-chan. You don't have to be sorry, though. I'm fine."
Usagi told her calmly.
"Fine? But... but..." Ami's voice trailed off. "All right, Usagi...
okay, but if you need me..."
The same old statement, said by all of her friends as she pushed them
away gently. If you need me. Of course Usagi needed them, they were her
friends! But she didn't need the loud moaning and wailing, the crying for
something she didn't care about. They wouldn't understand how she felt, they
would just make things worse. "I know, Ami-chan. Thank you. Sayoonara."
Usagi hung up the phone, then leaned against the wall, staring at
her apartment's small living room. She walked over to the plush grey couch
slowly and sank down into the cushions. Mamoru was gone. He left her. Of
course. What else?
The couch smelt of him. It smelled like his hair, from the many times
he had slept when she thought he was listening. Of course, once she realized
he was sleeping, she had come up with a reason why, other than the fact that
he just wasn't interested. Maybe it was because he was tired, from working
so hard. He slept, that meant he trusted her, a good thing! He slept while
she poured her heart out, and she came up with excuses for him. The couch
stank of him. Usagi stood, and walked into the kitchen.
Food. That had always sated her before. She opened the refridgerator
and looked in. Nothing appealed to her. She closed the door again. Maybe this
was her turning into Queen Serenity, she thought. Here she was, destroying
Crystal Tokyo with her every deed, and instead of becoming more Usagi and
less Serenity, it seemed she was finally becoming the Princess in truth.
The Princess. Princess Serenity, she was the cause of all this. The
perfect Princess, with her perfect Prince. If Usagi hadn't been chosen to be
the Princess of the Moon, if only she had been a normal girl, then she and
Mamoru would never have even crossed paths. Endymion. The part of her that
was still that Princess, the part that insisted that she run to him and cry,
that part still loved Endymion. That part would probably always love him. He
had died for her. But Usagi wasn't just Serenity, and Mamoru wasn't just
Endymion. Were it not for Serenity, Mamoru would never have even liked Usagi!
Usagi left the kitchen. She walked into her small bedroom. Sitting
down on her futon, she glanced around the room. It was a little bit of a
mess, clothes on the floor and one of her old stuffed bunnies sitting beside
her futon. Mamoru's room had always been immaculate.
Usagi glanced at her closet. The door was open, and in the closet
were more of her clothes, and her shoes. Shoes. She looked at a particular
pair, the pair that Mamoru had bought her for her birthday 5 years ago. The
glass slippers. She stood, and walked over to pick them up. They were so
pretty, so delicate. They hurt her feet terribly, though.
Usagi thought back to when he bought them. She had asked him for
them, and he didn't even know what day it was. It was her birthday! Of course
he didn't know, she had never told him. She didn't know his birthday either.
Come to think of it, did they know anything about each other? Not really...
not really. He got jobs at places and she didn't know... she made new friends
and never talked about it. Did they have anything in common at all? Did they
share any interests, any loves or hates? Was their past all that they had?
She had a sudden urge to throw the shoes against the wall, to smash
them into a million tiny glass shards. Instead, she calmly put the shoes down
and walked back to the living room again.
She couldn't blame Mamoru. She shouldn't blame Mamoru. It wasn't his
fault, it wasn't his fault at all. Poor thing, he was trapped as much as she
was. No, even more-- he wasn't even given a guide, like Luna. He had to look
desperately to find his identity, it wasn't handed to him... and it turned
out he was searching out his own prison.
The woman, Amouto Kaoru, was perfect for him. Smart, funny,
sophisticated and beautiful. She had long, red hair, and light purple eyes.
She smiled easily, but shyly, and she didn't giggle loudly over small jokes.
Kaoru was like Michiru in a lot of ways, but she was older. And Michiru was
artistic, while Kaoru was intelligent in a more scientific way. Mamoru liked
physics, so did Kaoru. Kaoru had been orphaned at a young age, when her
parents died in an accident. Kaoru had everything in common with Mamoru.
Everything. Mamoru laughed at her jokes, smiled easily around her, enjoyed
her presence. Mamoru didn't spend time with Kaoru because some part of him
needed to protect some distant past of hers... Mamoru spent time with Kaoru
because he loved her. He loved her. How long? Who knew? He met her while in
school, while they had still been fighting to prevent the Silence. Usagi knew
they were in love. She could see it. But he didn't date her! He stayed loyal
to Usagi, kept himself away from Kaoru as much as he could. Mamoru didn't
want to hurt Usagi. That was never what he wanted. Eventually, though, it
just became too much.
Usagi thought briefly of her chances to leave Mamoru. Everyone from
Ail to Seiya. Everyone wanted her. But she was loyal!
Ail loved her for the 'good energy' around her. It made him stronger,
he was starved for that same energy and some part of him knew she had it.
But he had a true love, An, and Usagi would never want to break them apart.
Then there was Dimando. Prince Dimando. He never loved Usagi, he was just a
darker Endymion. Dimando loved Serenity, and he had no idea who Usagi was.
Dimando was no better for her than Mamoru. Haruka had seemed to like her,
but that was just a game, just the same game Haruka always played with pretty
girls who had crushes on her. It was a wonder Michiru put up with it. And
finally, there was Seiya. Seiya was a woman, but also a man. And Seiya had
loved Usagi without ever even hearing of Serenity.
Usagi thought she might have loved Seiya too. Seiya had all of the
things that Usagi had loved in Mamoru, but Seiya offered them to Tsukino
Usagi, not to Serenity. Seiya didn't care about Sailor Moon's exploits, Seiya
had fought with and against senshi all of her life. Seiya cared about Usagi.
For the first time, someone loved Usagi-chan. But it was too late, far too
late. She had chased Seiya away, stayed loyal to Mamoru, even though it tore
her up inside. And now, the first person she'd ever had to fall in love with
Usagi herself was gone forever. Maybe as Eternal Sailormoon she could search
for Kinmoku, search Seiya out. But she didn't know where Kinmoku was, and
besides that, what if Seiya had moved on? It had been so long, almost 3 years
now. Even Minako had forgotten her crushes. Kou Seiya, the only person who
had been willing to fight not for Serenity, or the future Tokyo, but for
Usagi-chan herself. And she'd lost that chance too.
But now she was alone. Mamoru and his love, they were happy together.
Why couldn't Usagi be happy? She had fought long enough and hard enough.
The phone rang again. It was Minako. "Call me if you need me." Usagi
didn't need Minako, not as a friend or as a comfort. She didn't need any of
them. She was alone.
Eternal Sailormoon. The ultimate expression of the power that had
chained her down for so long. Could she become her now? Could she transform
into that which symbolized her denied fate?
"Eternal, Make-Up!" The familiar change came over her. She slowly
felt the energy wash though her, as she spun in the odd place that wasn't
real but wasn't pretend, and then she was Eternal Sailormoon. Her wings
weren't the small, decorative wings, but true wings, for flight. She
spread them experamentally. The last time she had flown like this, it had
been in search of Mamoru, out to claim what was hers. But now she was in
search of something else, something more. Real love. Maybe it would happen,
maybe not. But if Mamoru had the right to try to be happy, then so did she!
She stepped out onto her balcony. So what if someone saw her as
Sailor Moon? Let them know! Let the world know! She didn't care any more, she
had had enough of secret identities and magical pasts. She was Usagi, and
she was Sailor Moon. She wasn't some dead princess, she wasn't some future
queen, she was Usagi! She spread her wings, and jumped.
Flying slowly towards the sky, towards the heavens, she smiled to
herself slightly. Maybe she'd find her way. Maybe the stars would lead her
to him, perhaps this was her destiny after all.
The moon shone on in silence...
This is another one of my silly little fics. ^_^ Please don't flame me for
this, this is merely my opinion on what ultimately and logically would happen
to Usagi and Mamoru's relationship. The comments about Mamoru's sleeping on
the couch were referred to in the Sailormoon S movie. The part about Usagi's
birthday was refered to in Sailormoon S. I usually am not a fan of the
Seiya/Usagi relationship, but when you think about it, Seiya really was the
only one to fall truly in love with Usagi-chan, instead of being forced into
it by his past or falling for the Princess that is only a part of her. Did
she find Seiya, or another fate entirely? I don't know. I hope so. All of your
comments can go to Mearl.dox@person.net. ^_^ Ja ne! Mearl-chan loves you!
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