Oh wow.
I'm not even sure where to begin. Part of me just wants to make this
brief so I won't bore you to tears, but then, if you're here, it's
probably because you want to know. I'm now looking at the old
guestbook, with its 96 (omg nintety six!!!1111) pages of comments
ranging from well wishings to threats and prayers in case I'd passed
away in a fire somewhere, and I realize many of you do deserve an
explanation. I'll be glad to give one, and I think it'll do me a world
of good to put this in words for myself as well.
I have not touched this site in nearly 7 years.
That's right. I think I might have looked at it a couple of times back
in 2001, but then...I just couldn't anymore. It wasn't because I lost
interest. It wasn't because I got conked over the head and developed a
case of amnesia encompassing the past fifteen years or so of my earthly
existence. And clearly, it wasn't because I died either.
My troubles started in the spring of 2000, after I got in a car
accident. Not to worry, there were no broken bones and no hospital
trips. I was lucky. My thyroid, however, was not. It started fritzing
on me and eventually led me to develop a condition which caused my
heart rate to speed up erratically even at complete rest, as well as
couple of other rather unpleasant symptoms. Not a deadly disease,
thankfully, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The worst of it? My hands
started having little tremors, which made it hard and frustrating to
draw. Nobody knew what was wrong with me at first, and the year that
followed was both depressing and exhausting. I eventually got
healthy--and am doing very well now--but at that point... I started
going back to school. I'd already lost 2 1/2 years with my illness, so
now was the time, as some say, to get "serious".
Interestingly (and sadly, in my case), getting serious didn't mean
going back to my art studies (or updating my fansite after a prolonged
absence for that matter). It meant looking for a "reasonable" and above
all "safe" alternative.
So off to regular college I went. If you're curious, I studied
languages and I did pretty well. Really well. And in many ways, I
enjoyed what I studied but... it just wasn't for me. I was getting
burned out, and a bit miserable. That knowledge started dawning on me
in 2003/2004, but it took me a while to work up the courage to
take a step back, look at what I was doing and change courses once
again.
It wasn't easy, at first, telling myself "Okay, okay, Celine? You're an
artist. Now go be one, dammit." But eventually, it sunk into my
thick,
thick head. I picked up my pencil and sketchbook and started drawing
regularly. Then I got myself a tablet... I even very recently opened my
first professional website and finally...finally... last tuesday, I got
around to Madhouse. I hadn't had the guts to look at the site before,
and just thinking of it hurt my brain. I loved--still love--the place,
you know? So I clicked on the old link. And stared. Opened the
guestbook. And stared some more. Then I looked around on the internet.
And believe me when I say this, without exaggeration--I cried.
Who are all of you and why did you keep coming back here even though it
seemed like I was gone/dead/abducted by aliens?
I'm humbled by the attention, and absolutely flattered by the fact that
some people even took the time to link me or put up my art in their
galleries and credit me. I knew people must have liked this stuff to
some
extent, but...yeah. Wowie.
Now, to put a stop to this flow of emo-ness, I'll conclude by saying
that yes, Madhouse is partially re-opened. I am not going to make
any long term promises. I probably won't be able to update the way I
used to back when I had all the time in the world, but I'll do my best.
Most of all, I'll try not to vanish again without a proper warning or a
message.
Again, my deepest apologies for disappearing on everyone like this. My
deepest thanks, also, for coming to see Madhouse year after year. I
stand amazed and humbled. *bows low*
< /long assed ramblings>
--Céline,
September 18th, 2006
And just so you know where I'm at, here are a couple of links:
My professional site: PurpleTopHat.com
(yes, I am fond of purple and top hats, could anyone tell? XD--it's
brand new, not much on it at the moment, but I thought I'd share this.)
MySpace: my profile
(do you know how ancient it makes one feel to realize that myspace was
born while one was busy
living under a rock taking a hiatus from the intraweb...?)
Livejournal: my, well,
journal ^^;
back!