I woke one night from the heat in my room.
I felt an unexplainable, deep sense of gloom.
Slowly my eyes opened to see
Something strange had happened to me.
No longer was I lying safely in bed,
But was standing among many I knew to be dead.
I recognized friends and neighbors around,
And there was an old woman in a heap on the ground.

I felt my fear beginning to rise,
As I looked into a pair of sad eyes.
The eyes belonged to a man in white,
His face was shining with an excellent light.
I could see the long scar on His side from the knife;
And in His scarred hands was the book titled "Life."

As He turned the page I approached His throne,
And I tried to recall the truth I'd once known.
I was taught as a child to love God and obey,
But once on my own, I wandered away.
The Lord's heart broke as He brushed a tear with His hand,
And He said to me simply, "I don't understand.
Once you loved My word and kept My laws,
Now you're in the world's hands; what is the cause?"

I cried aloud and tried to pray,
But my Savior's hand motioned me away.
I knew what He'd say and I cringed at the thought;
But still the words came, "I know you not."

I begged for a chance my story to tell
Before the Great Judge sentenced me to hell.
"I would have attended Thy worship more
If only the preacher hadn't been such a bore.
The singing was almost always off key;
And the public prayers did nothing for me.
Why, once I shook a visitor's hand,
Introduced myself and acted quite grand;
But one brother who had observed the scene
Had nothing to say of me being so keen.
So you see, Lord, right then I made up my mind
On all these hypocrites I'd not waste my time.
But all along I've loved You in my heart;
And, after all, that's the most important part."


When I'd finished my speech, the Lord shook His head,
And I could tell He hadn't liked what I said.
With tears in His eyes, He looked up at me
And said, "I never asked much of thee.
I offered My life on Calvary's Hill;
I died for you as was My Father's will.
If you had loved Me like you say,
You would've been faithful, a small price to pay.
But you chose to walk in the way that is wide;
You straddled the fence, never choosing a side.
Now you beg for mercy, yet it is too late;
You'll never pass through that beautiful gate."

I could see on His face that His heart broke for me,
And I opened my mouth for one last feeble plea.
He would not listen; He had closed His ears;
I knew how worthless were my wasted years.
I had no choice but to part from the Lord,
And I turned to the left without one more word.
I stood amidst many I'd known on the earth
Who all now felt their great lack of worth.

The wailing and crying was impossible to bear;
The darkness was thick and hot was the air.
We walked down a path that was very wide
Me and all others who in sin had died.
I looked over my shoulder when we were almost there,
And I saw the Great Lord rise into the air.
He took with Him the few who faithful had been,
And I cried to know I'd never see Him again.

My body was different and yet I felt pain;
I heard myself scream again and again.
At last we were in the Devil's den;
The place of torment our eternity to spend.

I thought of my life and the things I had done.
I relived in my mind each sin one by one.
The gift of life that once had been mine
I trampled under foot time after time.
I sat among those who on earth I would flee;
I'd be with them forever, what cruel irony.
As I wandered the fiery streets of hell,
I knew the truth only too well.
I couldn't blame my brothers in the Lord,
For they often tried to teach me the word.
It wasn't the fault of my family;
In fact the entire blame lay all on me.
"Let me try again," I heard myself shout;
I searched and searched, but there was no way out.
I saw pain and fear in my companions' eyes;
The panic within me started to rise.
I had to get out. I wanted to be free.
I started to run. I tried to flee.
There was no escape, and then suddenly
Satan himself stood looking at me.
I offered an excuse on my behalf,
But he cared not to hear it; he started to laugh.
And he added my soul to his victory shelf.
My mind was weary from my futile endeavor;
Crying, I sat down... the beginning of forever.

- Jenni Crolius