In Memory of Barbara Absher Eldridge When Love Kills...

I wanted to make this page in memory of a wonderful person who was taken from this life all too soon. The person I'm talking about was a 39 year old divorced mother of one...an 11 year old daughter. Her name was Barbara. I had known Barbara for eleven years, we met her when we purchased our Pekeapoo. She was the owner of a dog grooming and kennel business and everyone that knew her loved her. She had been grooming our dogs for eleven years and in that amount of time you come to know a person pretty well. She wasn't just someone we took our animals too, she was like part of the family....I think our dogs thought almost as much of her as they do of us. She was one of the kindest people I've ever known...and her kindness showed in the work that she did. The animals she groomed were not just her job....they were her family...her babies.

Barbara had been through a nasty divorce a few years ago and she helped me a great deal when my first marriage failed...we leaned on each other and we helped each other. She was truly a great friend. Barbara met a man after she divorced and they started seeing each other...at first she seemed so happy...like she had truly found someone great...but as time progressed she started to change...I could tell there was something wrong but I never really questioned it...I just thought her ex must be giving her problems. It was a long about this time she started missing work and having "accidents" I remember my mom and I kidding her, saying she was just getting clumsy. She always used this as an excuse...saying she fell or a dog bit her or something along these lines when we started noticing marks on her. But finally she confided in us when this monster almost beat her to death and she ended up in the hospital. She told me then that she had broke up with him and wasn't going to see him again. We believed her.

Well she didn't see him for a while but he kept on and on and she finally took him back...I think the reason she did was because she was scared...he kept threatening her...but during this time he also told her he had changed...and she believed him...I can remember after they reconciled that she told me that it wasn't all him...that it was just a misunderstanding..that she loved him and he loved her and that he wasn't so bad...but that's so typical in an abusive situation. Well they continued to see each other for a while until I think she had finally had enough...she broke up with him for good in November of 1996.

The problem was he couldn't accept that the relationship was over, he was totally obcessed with her. After their breakup Barbara seemed to become her oldself again...she moved back home to her parents house and she appeared to behappy. She even started seeing someone new. I remember her telling me about her "cowboy" about a month before her death...she seemed so happy...but she was also somewhat cautious, saying she was going to take it slow...that she had been through too much and that she was really going to devote most of her time to her daughter. Onthe Friday before her death I knew there was something bothering her but I didn't question it...I just figured she felt bad, oh how I wish now I would have taken the time to ask her.

On Monday morning, February 3, 1997, my husband and I went to the bank...when we returned home I had a message on my answering machine...I knew then something must have happened because NO ONE ever leaves us a message unless its bad news. Sure enough when I called my mom I could tell something was wrong...that's when she told me that Kenneth had murdered Barbara...I don't remember much more about that day...all I know is I screamed and cried...I didn't get any sleep that night...I just couldn't believe she was gone...I thought surely my mom was wrong...but there was the story on the news....Woman gunned down by ex-boyfriend...its like a nightmare. It seems that he had been stalking her for about a week or so before her death...she knew this and was going that very afternoon to take out a permanent restraining order...she never made it. The way I understand it is that he must have been watching her kennel...he saw a customer come in a leave her dog...then he came in...Barbara was on the phone and told the person to call 911...by the time the police arrived it was too late...a customer saw Kenneth Bell leaving the kennel with a shotgun and he rushed in a found Barbara dead on the floor...evidently she never knew what hit her....she had been shot twice...once in the head and once in the stomach. You never think anything like this could happen in a small town....Moravian Falls, NC...a small community in Wilkes County...and you never ever think it will happen to someone you know...and when it does its so hard to accept...I don't think you ever really do accept it...you just have to keep living and trying to put things back in order even though its hard thats all we can do.

I don't think I'll ever understand why Barbara had to die...you see the only mistake she made was loving him...and what did he do??? He killed her...left her little girl without a mother...its so unfair...another sad note to this is about a month after Barbara's death, her little girls dog...the one she and Barb had purchased together...the dog she had slept with since Barbs death was run over and killed...from what I understand her grandma got her to accept the dogs death by telling her that Barbara needed either her or her dog in heaven with her and since she knew that her grandparents needed her God let Roxie go to heaven to be with Barbara...she accepted it then...I feel like this is what God wanted...he worked in his own way to help her daughter accept what life had dealt her....its going to be a long hard road for her but she'll make it with all the love and support of her family and friends and with Gods help...please remember when you pray to say a little extra prayer for her and her family...thank you.

Its been a little over two months now since Barbara was taken from this world and things have gotten a little easier...but I still miss her...I wanted to write this little update here on April 11, 1997 to tell what I experienced Monday of this week. You see Barbara used to be a Dog Groomer, thats how we met her and I drove an hour one way so she could groom my Pom, and my mom took her dogs to her also, anyway....Mom has already taken her dogs to another lady to have them groomed and it was real hard for her we both cried. Well Monday I was faced with this same problem...we had been bathing Shassie ourselves but she needed a little grooming so I finally broke down and made her an appointment here in Hickory for her to be groomed. When Monday arrived I almost called and canceled it because I knew how hard it was going to be to take her. I cried all the way over there and even when I left her...it seemed like it took them all day to get her finished....I was so worried...you see Shassie is ummm a very selective dog...she only likes certain people and Barbara was one of her favorites so I wasn't sure how she was doing...we finally got to pick her up at 3pm and she looked okay...but nothing like she did when we took her to Barb...I know that no one can ever take her place and its just little things like this that make you miss her more and also things like this bring back memories of happy times...times I KNOW we WILL NEVER have again and it makes me so sad. I can't count the number of times since this has happened that I've wanted to pick up the phone and call her or just stop by and see her but I know this can't be...I can just imagine how her family feels and my heart breaks each time I think of them also. I'll never forget Barbara. Thanks for letting me share this "hard time" with you and I hope you understand why I had to write about it...it makes me accept it a lttle better and it also lets me share with you a small part of how important and loved this dear lady was.

If anyone reading this is in an abusive relationship please get out, you don't deserve what is happening to you, there are people who care about you and who can help just please get help before its too late because this could happen to you!

You may be a battered woman if: You are frightened by your partner's temper. You feel intimidated by your partner. You often give in because you are afraid of your partner's reaction. You apologize to yourself or others for his behavior when you are treated badly. You find yourself being criticized for daily things, such as your cooking, clothes, appearance. You are humiliated or degraded by name-calling, put downs, accusations. Your partner makes frequent threats to withhold money, resources, take away the children or have an affair. You have been forced or pressured into having sex. You have been kicked, hit, shoved, restrained or had things thrown at you by your partner. You have been stopped from seeing family or friends. You feel isolated and alone. You experience a pattern of violence in your relationship. Quoted from: "Surviving domestic violence: A safety and empowerment guide for battered women", prepared by the Los Angeles Commission on Assaults Against Women, and funded by the California State Office of Criminal Justice Planning, 1989.

National Domestic Violence/Abuse Hot line 1-800-799-SAFE 1-800-799-7233 1-800-787-3224 TDD 24-hour-a-day hot line staffed by trained counselors ready to provide immediate crisis intervention assistance to those in need. Callers can be connected directly to help in their communities, including emergency services and shelters as well as receive information and referrals, counseling and assistance in reporting abuse. This is a vital lifeline to anyone - man, woman or child - who is a survivor of domestic violence, or who suspects that someone they know may be the victim of abuse. Calls to the hot line are confidential, and callers may remain anonymous if they wish.

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Thank you so much Kathy for the beautiful award!