Still Searching for Soosh

Went to Officeworks this morning. My client rang just before I left, to say that the treatment helped, so I decided to buy client cards at Officeworks so that I can start to record details of treatments...I had to wait there for 25 minutes in line, to pick up my business stamp (tailor made). It was okay though, because I was daydreaming and I don't get to do that often enough.

After Officeworks, I went to a printing Co. that wanted to charge $100 just to scan 4 photos onto floppy disk. I freaked out, when I heard the price...It's 1/4 of the way to owning my own scanner...Ridiculous! So I left, I didn't know but I had a hole in the bag which had my photos and my little plastic credit card holder (with licence and gyn pass aswell in it). Anyway I went to the car, (illegally parked at Autobarn - I was only going to make a quick stop!) and drove to gym...I put my hand into the bag to find my plastic credit card holder to get out my gym pass, and I couldn't find it. I searched the passenger seat, sides of the seats, and then I saw the hole in the plastic bag, and I panicked. I drove at 100kms (in a 80kms zone - Any excuse for me to speed!) back to the print shop.. I got out of the car and retraced my steps...No Luck.. Mini Heart Attack's later, I went back to the car, ready to sit down and low and behold, there I find my credit cards on my seat...I must say I had a good chuckle.

I upped my weights to 30kgs, why you ask? I don't really know, punishment I guess! I did feel accomplished though...I got onto a bicycle which must of been broken, because it started to make loud squeaking noises, whilst I peddled. The gym was packed with people, (all skinny people! Okay I'm exaggerating, but it felt that way!) who just stared at me, so I did a 'Mr Bean' and looked around pretending that they weren't looking at me, but at someone else...

After the gym, as usuall, I was a living, breathing, jumping jellybean. I had so much energy I could probably lift my car and run home with it in my arms (Okay, well I could have run home without the car then!)...I went on to the net to speak with my cyberfriends and chatted, but I could barely sit still.

I learnt alot about myself today, but even so, it was not enough...So my search still continues. I know now, that I can be brutal and sometimes very tactless (I saw these emotions surface today). I guess they are protective mechanisms, but I don't know why they surfaced today? Usually, I back down from fights with family and friends, prefering just to let things die down naturally (I know that it is pointless to argue with my family, because they are so irrational). Were these raw emotions a result of the gym workout? I don't know, but I know now, I have strength (mental and emotional) should I ever need to use it, for something really important to me. Mostly I just sit back and get trodden on. But WHY should it be that way? I have as much to give as the next person, don't I? (Now I feel I'm having really selfish thoughts, and I think of all the places in the world where I have seen oppression and I feel compelled to shut my mouth!). Humbled, I zip my lips!

After the chat, I went into a frenzy searching for my Metallica (Master of Puppets in particular!) tapes, which I could not find. When I stopped looking, it was then I realised the house was clean, as in my madness I was tidying up at the same time. I settled for some other thing I could find on the radio. It was pre-hashed music. I WANTED LOUD MUSIC!!! Nevertheless, I put my head down onto the speaker and felt the vibrations (they matched the pounding of the blood coursing through my veins). I felt so low down, as if I had lead in my runners (I started to hum , "Welcome to the Hotel California...." then I put on my Dire Straits (Making Movies CD and started to hum to that.) I took a couple of pain tablets ( and broke my drug free promise to myself) as my headache was so far gone it had turned into a migraine.. Don't get me wrong...I have never had a drug problem, but I wanted to start living my life wihtout keeping the pharmacutical companies in business ( I have never told my parent- in -laws this as they are both pharmacists, they would turn their nose up at me for saying something so blasphemous!). This is the original reason for doing Acupuncture. After watching 3 people die from being given wrong drug therapy I decided that there must be more to healing than dosing out manufactured chemicals. I haven't really looked back since. This time however, I wasn't going to needle myself, because my Qi (Life Energy Force) was so exhausted it would have been pointless to try and revive it. My body needed a good rest!

I made dinner, Schnitzels (chicken) and jacket potatoes, salad and hubby made the corn. My friends came over with some Daffodils (yellow ones and orange ones) for me. I was so overwhelmed by their brightness, freshness and I nearly cried. I admitt I was acting irrational, but I had no idea why. I don't cry often...Until after I became 21, I never cried (except when I was a baby) I just couldn't. Now I rarely do, even when I feel, want or need to. Needless to say I didn't cry, but the flowers cheered me up very quickly. My friends' company did the most good though!

We watched BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD episodes. I laughed till I got a stitch. My favorite episodes are "The Great Cornholio", "The Bus Trip" and "Animation Sucks". Okay, so I know they are juvinile, but that's what makes it so funny!

I know this was a long entry, but thanks for letting me give your eyes a workout! Tomorrow is another day...At least at midnight I was a happy girl. Bye for now!.....

Soosh...