Last night, I told you about the outing with my parents. Well about 8:30pm, after I logged off the net, I received a phone call from my bro-in-law, telling me that my hubby's uncle had died in Canberra, and that Bro-in-law wanted to drive up with my hubby to attend the funeral, and wanted my permission. As my hubby was at work, I explained that, firstly my husband did not need my permission, secondly I wasn't even sure that he knew that his uncle had died. After hanging up with him, I rang my husband who said that he knew about the death and he would discuss plans to go up to Canberra when he got home. My hubby said that he would also like me to go up with him.
Then I rang my mother-in-law, she hasn't learnt easy call yet, so she didn't pick up. So I rang my sis-in-law. I asked her if she was going to the funeral, she said no. She also told me that my mother-in-law had been trying to get hold of me for hours [ My battery for the mobile telephone was flat (someone left it on overnight) so no one could get through whilst I was on the net, as usually I turn the mobile on]. So I tried my mo-in-law again. This time I got through.
She told me the funeral would be on Wednesday. I told her that 'we' (knowing my husband wanted me to come) were thinking of driving up for the funeral and she said that it wasn't a good idea. I left it as that and then asked her if I could help her in any way. She said no, because my bro-in-law and his defacto were coming to see her, to make sure she was alright. Anyway, I told her if she needed me she could call.
Then I get a call from my father-in-law, who said that my hubby was on the way home, and could I please tell him that he was offering to pay for my hubby and the two bro-in-law's to fly up with him to Canberra. I told him that 'we' were thinking of driving up, when he said that it wasn't a good idea and then asked me to allow my husband to fly up with them. I said how my husband does not need my permission and that I would tell him when he got home.
The reason I tell you all this, is because in my search to find out more about myself, I have to face up to certain unpleasent experiences and feelings. I was extremely PISSED OFF that everyone kept on asking me permission for my husband to go up to Canberra, as if I wasn't going to let him go to the funeral. It annoys me that they have such a low opinion of me. His family often comment on how my sister 'Pussy Whips' her husband and they obviously think that I do the same.
What they don't realise is that Husbands and Wives make decisions together (this is something my husbands family do not do. Decisions are made irrespective of others feelings or opinions, and this often leads to hostilities between people). If my husband wants to do something, I will support him. If I don't feel it's the right thing to do, I will discuss it with him, to see his reasoning. I feel this is fair! His family see it as me being the CONTROLLER and him being PUSSY WHIPPED. How can they judge what goes on between people. It is not as if they are the perfect family, No family is!. My husband grew up with a nanny, and seeing a parent on alternate nights, because they were working full time. They took it by turns to see the children and only once a week did they sit down together as a family for dinner. That's fine if that was the way they wanted to bring up the children, that was their perogative, but when I met my bro-in-law and my husband they had severe insecurity complexes, and it took me ages to build up their self- esteem. As a matter of fact my sis-in-law has to work really hard at being a mother because it doesn't come natural to her, and that she had no role model. She also told me how difficult it was for her growing up, because she had to be both a sister and mother to her brothers (who were very naughty). Being the youngest of the family myself, and having my mother with me at all times until I started school, I could not empathize with her. I could only pity her for the childhood she missed.
Anyway, when my hubby got home, I told him what happened and his father's offer. He said that he would pay for me to fly up (I thought that was very sweet). I also told him that although he wanted me to go, I felt excluded from the family because his family had made it abundently clear that I wasn't welcome. He said that that it would fall on deaf ears, If I stood up to them and told them that they don't need to ask my permission to let him do things, because they would think I am a sook. He also told me that my feelings were "irrelevant" to his family.
Let me tell you, that after a difficult day, to hear this was very distressing. My family love my husband. In fact they love him just like their own blood children. My family is good like that. No matter what, If their (my parents) child loves someone, then that person is worth loving, and is treated like their own child. There is no exception. Their feelings cannot be swayed, as their love is cemented as soon as the courtship begins. Every obstical is shared, every joy and every sadness. All I have ever known, is to share and share alike. So when I'm told my feelings are irrelevant, of course I'm going to be hurt!
My husband understood, but said there wasn't anything one could do to change things. Is this true? Am I making more out of this and blowing it out of preportion? I really don't know, except that I'm feeling selfishly sad and left out. I understand his family is upset about the death, but it was in the cards. Last thing I want to do is upset them further, by burdening them with my feelings, especially if they don't really care. Oh! What am I to do? I guess I'll just let it ride.
Like I said, It was a hard day and tomorrow is another bright one! 
Signing off...Soosh
Press! News just came in, that my
hubby (which was nice of him) told his mum that I was upset. Aparantly she said that it was
because they couldn't afford to take all of the family 'extensions'. So my hubby told her that that
wasn't the problem (considering I was offering to drive up) and that she should call. I wonder if she
will? I just got off the phone with my sis-in-law, who said that since her parents are paying, she is
now going to the funeral and is taking the youngest with her (6 months old). She's asked me to
ask my hubby to ring her so that they can arrange how to get to the airport. I asked her if she'd
want me to stay at my mo-in-law's place and make dinner for them when they get back (Gee I'm a
sucker!). Answer no. Okay I know to leave well enough alone. Bye. Oh! I nearly forgot. The
people from the roof just called to say why they hadn't been here (my place) for 5 days. You
should have heard the excuse...My My what is the world coming to?
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