PLEASE CALL US WOMEN by Linda
Have you ever noticed that regardless of the age of a physically disabled woman, she is always referred to as a girl? Society does not think of us as women. Why? Well, let's take a look at some of those reasons, or I should say, myths.
First of all, those of us with physical problems seem to be in a dependent state. We, the women of the world, are generally thought of as mothers, nurturers, caregivers. Being physically disabled, we may have others caring for our personal needs, such as bathing and dressing. So, we are thought of as child-like. Also, many of us are living at home with parents or other family members. So, it's as if we have not grown-up and become adults. We have not become women.
All women are sexual, correct? Many able-bodied people do not think of the disabled that way. It is true that, in general, romantic relationships are difficult and a high percent of those with disabilities do not marry. Our bodies may not appear "sexy-looking", either from extra weight from immobility or because of some kind of deformity. We may be sitting in wheelchairs, using canes or crutches, leg braces, or some other unattractive aide or piece of medical equipment. Physically, we may be weak or paralyzed and not be able to do many things or do them awkwardly. So how can we make love? Have you ever noticed how the disabled are referred to as "sick"? We are thought of as weak and feeble. So, of course, we would have no interest in sex!
Okay, let's try and get rid of these myths. Let's look at the total woman and not just the disability, for we are more than just a disease or a person in a wheelchair.
Yes, many of us need care in our personal hygiene and in our basic daily needs and activities. Because a woman needs help on the toilet or someone to cook her dinner, does that mean she is a child? If she must live with parents and/or a health aide and not completely independently, should she always be referred to as a "girl"? She may need people to attend to her physical needs in daily living, but it doesn't mean she hasn't grown up in her mind, in her body, and in her emotions. If she, herself, is not caring for children, does that mean she doesn't feel nurturing? Because she is not a mother because of physical problems or because of choice, does that mean she is not a woman?
Sexuality-- a very important and usually ignored topic concerning the disabled, has so many myths surrounding it. We are ALL sexual people--young and old, disabled and able-bodied alike. Depending upon the disability, we are all able to perform some kind of sexual activity. Every woman is different in her abilities. There are many ways of making love and finding satisfaction. It should NEVER be assumed that a physically disabled woman is unable to have sex. Nor, should it be assumed that she does not desire sex or is unable to enjoy it. Tired? Sick? What woman in this world doesn't sometimes feel too tired or too ill for lovemaking? It's not any different for the disabled woman. Perfect body? What is a "perfect " body? What is the definition of one? According to society, it seems to be the thin, model-looking type. If we don't look that way, does that make us any less a woman?
We are not children, not girls. We want and desire the same things as every other woman. We feel love. We fall in love. Some of us have affairs. Some get married. We desire close and loving relationships. Some of us are very nurturing. Some of us have given birth and raised children. Some are unable to do that. We all have feelings of joy and sadness. Our feelings can get hurt. We are sensitive and strong. We think. We are human. We are adults. Please call us women. Copyright © If you would like to speak with Linda, or need support, email her, but please add woman's world in the subject line.
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