14 Tips on Teens

by Evelyn Petersen

Here are 14 Basic Tips on Teens that have helped many a family.

LET TEENS KNOW YOU ARE WILLING TO JUST PLAIN LISTEN to their ideas without making judgments. Talking is a way they think things out.

BE ACCESSIBLE. Teens often blurt things out or want to talk at strange or inconvenient times. Be ready to listen anytime, anywhere.

USE QUESTIONS SPARINGLY. Resist the urge to know EVERYTHING your teen is thinking or planning. Show some trust; you would expect the same.

TRY NOT TO BE DEFENSIVE. When they make generalizations or critical remarks, don`t take them personally. They are opportunities for discussion.

GIVE STRAIGHT FORWARD ADVICE OR FEEDBACK ON IMPORTANT ISSUES such as sex, drinking and drugs, but don`t keep repeating it. They need to hear you and they do hear you, even if they pretend indifference.

TALK ABOUT YOURSELF SOMETIMES INSTEAD OF THE TEEN. They hate to be the only topic under discussion. Tell them about your own teen memories and mistakes.

SET UP AND USE FAMILY MEETINGS TO FULL ADVANTAGE. Get input from each person on rules, curfews, etc. as well as on the consequences of breaking rules. Sign agreements, try them out; modify as needed.

SHOW INTIMACY. Teens are still kids inside; they need the warm feelings of belonging that come from good touches and hugs.

GIVE LOTS OF PRAISE AND POSITIVE FEEDBACK. Teens need to hear the "good stuff" just like the rest of us. They need to know you love them for who they are inside, as well as what they can do.

GIVE THEM RESPONSIBILITIES WITH EVERY PRIVILEGE; that`s real life.

TEACH THEM TO MAKE DECISIONS and make them accept the consequences of each choice they make.

TEACH THEM TO DEAL WITH INFORMATION. Teach them to think critically about what they see or hear, as well as how to sort out and prioritize information.

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TAKE TIME TO RELAX AND HAVE FUN. Teens need to learn positive ways to manage stress; enjoying each other will build lifetime relationships.

MAKE THEM EARN WHAT THEY WANT, and know the difference between wants and needs. Instant gratification does not teach life skills.

Talking So Your Teen Will Listen

by Kathleen McCoy, Ph.D.

One of the most important ways to make your teenager listen to you is to listen to him. Show interest in his feelings and opinions, even when you disagree. This helps to build trust and mutual respect.

Secondly, give clear messages. Express your feelings and needs directly. Giving a clear message may mean saying, "I feel hurt when you're not honest with me", instead of "You're a liar". Let your child know how his behavior effects you, instead of judging him intrinsically good or bad. Be sure to catch him doing something right whenever possible and praise him.

A third point, respect each other's separateness. Do you want your child to be the best he can be, or the best you want? There is a difference, and knowing this difference can aid communication.

Finally, set limits. Let your teen know what your unbreakable rules are. At the same time, let him make an increasing number of minor decisions. Give each other a chance. Your communication can improve, starting today!

Dealing Effectively with Moody Teenagers

by Evelyn Petersen

At about 15 many teens go through a period of being introspective and moody. They seem to be thinking through how they feel about themselves and figuring out how this perception matches with what others think of them. Most of them work through this and come to terms with their self image by age 16.

Ups and downs during the teen years are normal, and if a young girl has a previous history of confidence, she can probably handle the ups and downs just fine. However, do watch for signs of serious depression, such as noticeable changes in her grades, her friends, her eating and sleeping habits, her grooming, etc. A combination of these symptoms could be signs of stress or of drug use.

Teens who cope best with their moods have parents who take time to listen and talk, parents who respect them and who are in turn respected. These are parents who are responsible, and who expect their kids to be responsible too.

It's true that straight ahead compliments are not always taken graciously by teens, but they still need them. Make praise genuine, descriptive and meaningful. All of the following tips are other ways you can compliment your teen and build self esteem.

(we refer to the TEEN as her, but is true for him also)

Respect her growing need for privacy in both thinking and space.

Encourage her to have her friends over as often as possible. (In a way this is actually a compliment.)

Show her you love her for who she is as a person, not just for what she can achieve.

Don't do something for her that she can do for herself.

Don't manage her time for her; teach her to manage her own time.

Be accessible for conversation any time, any place.

Brainstorm together and problem solve. Show genuine respect for her ideas, even if you disagree or don't use all of them.

Make sure she knows that you believe she can make choices in her own best long term interest.

Show confidence in her judgment whenever possible.

Expect her best and praise her for giving it.