Woman's Thoughts:

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Self Esteem.........

Why is it that women have such a hard time coming into themselves?

I truly feel that society confuses us so much, we leave self esteem at the backdoor.

Women often forget themselves.

In the hustle and bustle of life, we forget who we actually are.

We loose ourselves.

We become moms.

We are wives.

We are housekeepers,

baby-sitters,

career women,

nurturers,

providers,

but somewhere along the lines,

we forget we are ourselves.

One woman,

with our own needs.

We have self esteem for our children,

we are so proud of them.

We grin at our husbands with admiration,

we feed the souls of so many,

but when do we feed our souls?

I believe it is time for us women to remember OURSELVES.

How do you feel about this?

Do you share a special ritual with yourself that feeds your soul?

I know daily I can smile and say I have built my children up to be strong self esteemed little people.

But I also know there are nights I lay in bed wondering just exactly who I am.

Speak out ladies, I look forward to sharing your thoughts here!

wwdirector@aol.com

And you talked..................

Your Self Esteem replies:

A R E Y O U R E A D Y ?

March 21st was the first day of spring. Yes, Springtime, when daffodils pushed their way up through the ground -- when birds began to make their nests -- when people shed their winter coats. Yes, Springtime -- a new beginning! A wonderful time of the year -- for most of us.?

But many women approach Spring with anxiety. There's so little time left to get our bodies in shape for what comes after spring -- that's right -- summer! Bathing suits, shorts and tank tops. And it's not only our physical appearance that is causing us stress, it's also our minds. It's hard to escape the dark, cold, drab winter blahs.

Well, -- Spring is here. It's time to change your activities and your state of mind. Spring is the kickoff to more outdoor strolls -- perhaps in the moonlight, or in the early morning at the beach. Are you finding yourself strolling alone? Does that make you unhappy?

'Well, you are not the only one feeling that way! Many single women are wondering if Springtime is going to be the beginning of something new and wonderful. It can be -- but YOU have to make it happen! No, I don't mean for you to let your hormones go wild and chase the first attractive man you see. That technique almost always ends in disappointment, and Springtime is not a time for disappointments. It's a time for new beginnings. It's a budding time. It's a time for you to grow and become something new.'

This is the time of the year for you to dive into something that YOU WANT TO DO. This is the time to do something for no better reason than that you like doing it. And whatever it is -- whatever activity, whatever area of study, with whatever group of people -- DO IT JUST BECAUSE YOU ENJOY DOING IT. No hidden agendas. Don't do something because you think it might be a good way to meet that special someone. Do it just because it's fun. When you enjoy doing something just for the sake of doing it, a strange thing happens. Your whole personality changes. When you are having fun, you will find that you not only feel great, you also look happy and have a certain glow. You broadcast to the world the feeling that you are a positive person to be around.

No one wants to stand next to gloomy Gail. Do you? Did you ever notice that gloomy Gail stays gloomy because she does nothing new to change her outlook? If only she had something to look forward to -- something that she enjoyed doing for herself -- something that would make her happy.

This Spring is your time to bud. See yourself as a seed that's going to become a beautiful flower. Take all the nutrients from the ground. Drink up the water. Take in the sun and grow because YOU are entitled to do so. It's all there for your taking!

Take a good look at what kind of things you like to do -- what kind of people you like to be around -- and pick something that suits your taste. Perhaps you are a lover of music. Maybe you really love to listen to music -- it makes you feel good when you listen to it. Well, -- how about attending concerts at the park. Find out where live music will be playing and go and enjoy it.

You see, when you do something that YOU enjoy, you will meet other people that enjoy the same things. You will meet people with whom you have something in common. That's the first step. When you meet someone at an activity that you like doing, you'll find yourself talking about the activity instead of just collecting resumes about each other. Interviewing for a significant other always appears like an act of desperation. Instead, be confident. Know that you are doing something you enjoy, and share that doing with someone you meet. Have fun FIRST! Without fun, the resume means nothing because the relationship will fizzle out before it has a chance to blaze! This Springtime, celebrate YOUR new beginning. That's right, YOU are beginning to bud. The soil and water are your resources. Take advantage of them. This is a time for you to do something for yourself -- to enjoy yourself. Go ahead and let your flower unfold. Nature will take care of the rest!

More tips for women can be found at loveandhappiness.com. I look forward to share your comments with other women.

Christine Smith Author Single Again? How To Find Love & Happiness http://www.loveandhappiness.com

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The major point of self-esteem that isn't addressed here is twofold.

1) For God so loved the world (me) that He gave His Son and then that Son loved me so much that all my errors, my failures, my selfishness, my hate; He took and forgave them at the ultimate cost. How fantastically valuable I must be! If I choose to I can stop here and He loves me but....

2) Then He said now I will turn these evil things into gifts of love for others by using you as My person. I can do things that no one else can do and no one else understands. I have joy that God alone has turned my ability to fail into a gift. A gift that He can use to love others. I can look back and see that He wanted me to walk with Him but since I refused He remained and waited for me. How fantastically valuable I am! He has repeatedly reminded us that we are important, but I don't listen that well! (He knows each hair on our heads, He knows our coming and going, etc.). His greatest gift to me has been the promise of turning my failures into gifts for others and healing for me!

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Hello. I am just someone reading, agreeing, feeling and sometimes sorrowful at what I read and I wonder how much of us truly believe the words of encouragement that are given in these beautiful lyrics & poems.

I think I was always short - 5'2". Ever since I was 5 years old, I felt that I was "fat". I always seemed heavy compared to others in my classes; I gained 10 pounds a year - so when I was 14, I weighed 140 lbs.

I always had so much inside to give, but I gave it out too quickly, in order to be accepted (hoping my weight wouldn't matter - I tried to 'over-compensate' in any way that I could think of doing so.

I met someone who loved me, for me, when I was 25 yrs old. After a few years of being together, we could not imagine being with anyone else. I was about 200 lbs. I starved myself, literally, until I was was 158 lbs. I did that because when I went to look for a wedding gown, the man a the store told me that they did not make wedding gowns 'in my size'. I went home - crying - so terribly embarrassed to explain to my fiancee what the problem was. The constant pain of weight in my life was over-bearing.

I got married, starving at 158 lbs. Within a few months all the weight came back (of course).

Two & a half years ago, I was watching the TV Show, Dateline, I believe on ABC (or NBC?) and they had a segment on stomach stapling. It was like a bolt of lightening hitting me - if I had a tiny stomach, all I could eat would be a tiny amount of food.

I was so determined that NO ONE could talk me out of the surgery - and, NO ONE COULD - not even the husband who loved me at 200 lbs or 158 lbs. It never mattered to him, really.

I was 226 lbs when I got the surgery. I am now 155lbs. (Still not the size 9 I want to be, but, working on it). It was not easy at all. I can not believe what I did because I hated my body to the extent that I did. For me, I can not say that I made the wrong decision - it was the only way that a road could be paved that I could begin to love myself. What does bother me so much is that there is never enough support for those women who do not wish to choose this 'drastic' avenue, nor is it attainable for them to reach their weight goals - why does society make it SO easy to make woman feel so badly about themselves??

God, I wish had an answer.

Francine, from NYC

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Self Esteem:

I got a phone call from my daughter yesterday. She's 18...living out on her own. She said that she had a really, really bad day. And, then she started crying. I felt bad for her. I wish I could have given her a hug. She said that she had a hard day at work today...they were picking on her...and it was exceptionally busy. She said that she feels like she can't do anything right. She said that people make her feel like she's stupid because of *where* she's working. I told her that unfortunately you can't change people's perceptions. That most people think that way. That I've had to deal with that for most of my life. I told her that she has to stop her defeatist attitude. And she needs to look towards the *longer term*...not with the "Instant Gratification" that she has spent much of her life trying to achieve. She always wants things in the *Here and NOW* She is never willing to wait...not willing to work for things. I told her that she needs to get her act together. And whatever *crap* job she has now...she can look at it as just temporary. Whether its for a few months, a year, or how ever long she has to stay at that job while she equipping herself to do better. Who cares? Its only temporary. And although it wont happen overnight...she has to get started. I told her I thought she was very intelligent, has street smarts, cleverness, knowledge about things in general, and a particularly well-founded understanding of English and writing ability. I told her not to be down on herself. But, at the same time... start spending some time in putting together a sensible PLAN to get to where you want to go. I told her that she could probably rebut every thing that I've said if she wanted to look on the gloomy side. . .but if she wanted to be optimistic about the future she should sort things out. . .and take small but positive steps, one at a time, to get to where she wants to go. I told her she needs to get her GED and then start taking a college course...one at a time. That she's young...very young...she has time...but, she has to start. I've devoted my entire life to my family. My children, my husband. I've always worked outside of the home (as well as inside). But, its always been a job that has worked around my children's schedules. I've always wanted to be here for them. I've always felt (for myself) that a family was more important than a career. I've run into a lot of people who think that I'm only working where I am because I'm too stupid to do anything else. And, even though I know in my heart that isn't true...it still hurts. And, it hurts even more to know that my daughter is having to deal with the same judgments of ignorant people.

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I believe in affirmations and that they are a powerful tool to help us start seeing ourselves different.

The unconcious just buys into our thoughts and if we think we are worthless it upsets it.

It does not know truth from false thought. Saying something before you believe it is a tool because the unconcious part of ourselves excepts it as a truth.

I have seen in the years that I counseled with women that they can help women to start changing the concept of themselves.

One of my favorite affirmations "I am a worthwhile person and I deserve to be treated with love and respect". Faye Marshall

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